My mum shared with me a cute story this morning. My brother, who is in sec 1 this year, had his NCC Sea training yesterday and they went to Fort Canning (I think). And he was fasting. So while climbing up the hill, his friend, Steven, offered to carry his bag for him. My brother refused, saying that it will tire him to be carrying two bags.

“Never mind, I can drink water. you cannot.”

The rest of his friends, however, purposely drank in front of him, ooh-ahhing while laughing profusely.

Cheeky boys. But I’m so glad that my bro kept his fast. Alhamdulillah. Semoga menjadi seorang Muslim yang teguh berpegang pada agama dalam keadaan apa sekalipun. Good boy, adik.

I think I’m gonna reward him by slobbering kisses on him when he comes home. Although I know for certain that he will see it more of a torture than a reward, but still. He should learn to bersyukur dengan apa yang ada kan.

Abu Syafiq, you reading this?

Ni ye shi yao kuai kuai de hor. Wo xiang ni.

Monday was fantastic. I really enjoyed the iftar+tasmii’+usrah+tarawih session which was followed by us girls going crazy with our poses. Haha. Merepek, but it was really fun, alhamdulillah:)

Anyway, the topic for our usrah that day was light but I guess will be helpful in starting the pace for the subsequent sessions, insyaAllah. It was on on our Ramadhan resolutions. When Farah came up with the topic when we first discussed about the programme, she was sure of what she wanted. “I resolve to wear more………………”. Ok I don’t want to be shocking you guys with what she said, haha:p but basically she resolves to wear clothings with erm, more coverage -_-”. And she shared how she was talking to Fana and the latter resolved to be more patient and in control of her emotions. When I heard that, I immediately agreed. “I want to be more patient too.” And that was it. Like, not much thought was put into it after that gitula.

And then a conversation changed it all.

“Walaupun kita nak sangat perkara tu, tapi kita dahulukan kehendak Allah dulu dari kehendak diri ni.”

That was a line in the conversation that shook my heart hard. How many times a day do we prioritise what God wants, or what we know God would like us to do as His faithful servants over what WE want?

Personally, sungguh la sedikit.

Sometimes I wish I have a magical calculator or some sort of an account book that would allow me to keep track of these things – have I been accumulating more pahalas or sins? Have I been fulfilling what Allah wants more than I have fulfilled mine?

Sometimes je.

Because, most of the time, I know, I would be thrown into chaos should something like that really exists. I would be afraid of my own shadows, haunting and taunting me.

Teringat lagu time sahur dulu-dulu.

“Tuhanku, aku tidak layak untuk syurgaMu.. Tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung siksa nerakaMu.. Dari itu kurniakanlah keampunan kepada ku ampunkanlah dosa ku.. Sesungguhya Engkaulah pengampun…”

So that’s it. My Ramadhan resolution.. To be someone who tries her mightiest best to prioritise what God wants over her own wants. And hopefully, to be able to be someone who is able to encourage and inspire someone else to be one too. Even if my weak self is not able to do so, at least I do not become a liability for someone who hopes to achieve so for herself. :)

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone:)

Bila keyakinanku datang,

kasih bukan sekadar cinta,

pengorbanan cinta yang agung

ku pertaruhkan..