I have a tutorial tomorrow at 10am in the morning and we’re supposed to have a ’show and tell’ segment. Can you imagine that? A show and tell for a level 3000 sociology module. Cute or what. I’ve never done something like that in my entire life ok. Serious. Serious black punye. HAHAHA. Funny not me? :D

So anw, we have to bring an item to school that sort of, tells stories on who we are, or like, special defining moments in our lives or something. What seh. I can’t think of one. I don’t have a toy or a special item kind of thing. I mean i do have special items that hold special meanings. But.. like, it just doesn’t qualify gitu..

So riigghhht. I was sitting there thinking and thinking of what to bring la. Then this module kan, it’s about life course and we talked about how to do a life satisfactory chart and talked about turning points in life and stuffs like that. So while thinking of what to bring, i was, you know, thinking about the life course and turning points as well.. Hmm:)

I’ve changed from who I used to be. Definitely. I mean, of course there are aspects of me which are still as irritating as ever, but, there are really changes that I myself have noticed.

I used to always be in a rush for everything. When i walk, especially to school, i take loonng strides. Like really long strides. When i had to go to the interchange to get some things, i’ll be back in a jiffy and sometimes I chase after bus even if  kalau u think about it again, wahh like cannot make it one actually. So that’s why i usually end up coming home with like my body sweating and me panting.  

But now. Not that I don’t rush anymore la. I still do. Old habits die hard they say, huhu. But I think I can now not rush? Like can slow down and smell the roses kinda thanggg. you know what i’m saying? *main2 kening*

There was this instance, I was in pink baby and we were on our way to school. Then as we were travelling along the highway, I noticed the beauuutiful clouds. Like soo cantik and magnificent, subhaanallah! Macam so white and vast, and there’s like so many layers of it.. So I was practically squealing to the girls ah.. Like, “ehhh tengookk.. lawaaaaaa”  and one of them went “ah ah eh..” and the whole squealing process repeated like a few times before one of them said “macam biasa je?”. ye ke mcm biasa.. but since then it’s only rarely that i don’t think those clouds look breathtaking.

:)

A friend of mine just told me there was a solat jenazah for a brother who has passed away at 3am in the morning. It was said that he had just finished playing futsal with his friends and later on, he was found dead in the pool. Not sure what exactly happened but it’s chilling isn’t it. you can be all hooray2 and all and the next moment, God says your time is up. Some people say that you’ll be able to know that you’re dying 40 days before the day or something like that. So you can like,  be mentally prepared and repent or something. But really, no one will ever be prepared for death, I think. It seizes you. So 40 days or 40 seconds, death is never to be taken lightly. you have to be prepared for death in every single moment of your life.

God.. I’m thinking about it.. How will I die? In what kind of situation? What will I be doing when malakul maut comes to take me away? Will I be able to bid my goodbyes? Will I be surrounded by my loved ones? Will it be a long-term pain I suffer from or will it be one swift motion that ends it all? And the ting-a-ling question: WHEN will I die?

I sent out an sms to a friend this afternoon. And it was surprising that it didn’t reach to her when I asked her about it at 12 midnight. So I had to explain the whole process again and she asked me things which she did not understand. Then after I’ve finised explaining and we were discussing about other stuffs, suddenly she told me that she has received the sms. I was like, haiyaa merepek la this sms and joked about it getting sesat and all. Biase la, me and my lame nonsense la kan. Then she was like, takpela, it’s better that way because she it is only after my explanations and having her questions answered will she be able to understand the sms.

So, if the sms came to her right after I send it, I will still have to wait for tonight when we get online to be able to explain to her the details. See. Sometimes we really do want to hasten things and we have it all planned.. And we get angry or unhappy if things don’t go as planned. Maybe if we think hard enough, there is a good reason for it, kan? :)

I think wanting to be efficient and prompt and all is still important. But sometimes, it is important to take more pauses, observe longer and breathe deeper. I think, by doing so, I am able to relax my mind and let it look into things from different perspectives.. And realising things that I used to take for granted. It’s refreshing, you know. Suddenly life is so much more meaningful.. you find meanings in life in the littlest of things; in a kid’s eyes and laughter, in an old person’s wrinkled smile, in the magnificent clouds, in the line of ants making their way from one end to another..

Haa. I think I know what to bring for tomorrow’s show and tell already:D But for now, it’s time to shut up and sleep. Heh.

Slow down and smell the roses, will you?

May we all have a blessed, meaningful ramadhan. Baarikillahumma lanaa fii syahri ramadhaan!

Besok. I’m dreading besok. Besok is dreaded. Much much much.

Have u ever been in a situation when u just can’t think? when u totall_ (cannot t_pe out the letter, rmmbr?) space out, staring hard at something in front of u, when actuall_ what u see is nothing?

Have u ever tried holding back ur tears from streaming down and then u just give up because u just can’t do an_thing to stop it from rolling down ur cheeks?

Have u ever been amidst a crowd and _et u feel a deafening silence around u? like u’re all alone in a vacuum, _et u can still see people passing u?

Have u ever felt ur heart so heav_ that u could just stumble forward – face down – and not get up?

Have u ever felt that it’s better that u not wake up tomorrow if it’s arrival is just to make the dreaded moment come true?

Have u ever felt all those things and understood them perfectl_ but people accused u of not being able to understand?

I have.

Wallahi, please make du’a for me. Terima kasih. :)