She has never seen death happening right before her eyes, and she has never had to bear the loss of someone very dear to her by death. No, she has not. Her dear teacher passed away when she was in primary 5. She cried, but her teacher was but a teacher. Her maternal grandfather died, but she was distant from him – she would only see him twice a year. And she missed the opportunity to kiss his forehead and saw him lying there while everyone was surrounding him in that solemn, depressed atmosphere due to a painful miscommunication. So yes, death feels all too distant for her.

But death has a way to occassionally come and greet her in its own teasing ways. She used to hate it a lot, and would just forcefully push it to the other end of her untouched collection of thoughts. But she’s all grown up now, and she knows better than to resort to such childish antics of hers. But come to think of it, she does not really do much now either. She just resorts to crying under the covers and occassionally bury her face underneath her pillow to ensure that not even a whimp can be heard. Then, she’ll wipe away her tears, sit up straight and wait for ten minutes or so before she’s ready to face anyone. She does not want to let anyone knows she has been crying. Her eyes, nose and cheeks will be all red, you see.

 

 

She knows death is real, as real as her existence is. No no. What is she saying? Death is far more real than that. Death is.. death. And whether she likes it or not, death will come to her. Either claiming the lives of those dear to her, or of course, that of her very own.

 

 

She has often heard of the saying, Islam is not just for you yourself, Islam is for those around you too. She couldn’t comprehend it then; not that she is able to comprehend it now, but at least, she thinks she has understood something out of it. Islam is not just about personal salvation, but something which extends far beyond that. Islam is about saving oneself, yes. But it is also about putting in the effort of saving those around you too. One cannot just perform all the rituals, concentrate on being the best servant of Allah, and totally ignores about whether or not the person who is just an arm strech away has even performed his zuhur prayers. No, one has to perform all the rituals and concentrate on being the best servant of Allah AND to try hard to ensure that others around her do just the same, to the best of her limited abilities. Afterall,

“You cannot guide the ones you love. GOD is the only One who guides in accordance with His will, and in accordance with His knowledge of those who deserve the guidance.” (28:56).

 

 

 

‘And every nation has its appointed term; when their term is reached, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment).” (7:34)

Just like how every man has his fixed appoinment with the Angel of Death. Not a second later, not a second sooner.

Now, now. What has she done to prepare herself for this fixed, yet unknown moment, she thought to herself? What has she done to help those dear to her prepare for their moment??

Or is death seemingly very distant still?

Some people said that you can feel it when your time is near. She does not know about that, but one thing’s for sure, she might be known as the reigning Queen of Last Minute (always preparing for her assignments and examinations at the last minute), but even she knows that death is not something to prepare at the last minute for!

“Our Lord, we have wronged our souls! And unless You forgive us and have mercy on us, we will be losers.” (7: 23)

 

 

So please, she pleads to herself. Please be ready for death. Please be happy should death greets you again and this time, taking you away with it. And the only way to be happy when it happens, is to know that you’re leaving what you have now for something far more better, something eternal, something so wonderful that even the most imaginative of men fails miserably in describing. And please, she pleads again. Please help ensure that those you love are prepared too.

 

 

 

 

She knows this is a rather incoherent post. She is apologetic about it, but there’s no other way she can put it – the things in her mind now. It’s just, overwhelming. But it is coherent to her nevertheless. See? She’s losing you again. She better ends this.

 

Ilalliqa’. Salaamullahi ta’aala ‘alaikum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ana sayang mama.