Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Marah. Saya sedang marah. Marah marah marah! Ade ke patot! TAK PATOT! MEMANG TAK PATOT!!

*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees*

I don’t get it. Ok I do, but it’s still hard to digest. Why is PHYSICAL APPEARANCE so very important? Why is it always used as a yardstick in judging people, TIME AND AGAIN?

I know physical appearance is important la. It IS to me too. Like most girls (and women), I fuss over my looks too. I am terrified of gaining weight (although now I feel like getting more and more nonchalant over it- there are MORE important things to fuss about – sour grapes ah tu hannah. hahaha), and I have proclaimed to most of those close to me that I am in love with Arman from the Hikmah series (Gunawan) because of his oh-s0-macho look which was oozing with charisma. Dah lah romantic, caring, penyabar, ada leadership qualities.. Haihh~

Ohhhh. I’ve digressed. Sorry about that. It always happens when Arman is the topic. HEH.

Anyway, yes. My point is, physical appearance is indeed a factor to consider in many cases, even in marriages.

“Dinikahi wanita itu kerana 4 perkara ini…kerana kekayaannya, kerana kedudukannya, kerana kecantikannya dan kerana agamanya.. maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”

(Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Yes. Even the Prophet has acknowledged that fact. And in a separate hadith, a sahabat was asked to look at his future wife first before proceeding to marry her. Yes, yes yes. It is a human nature to like things pretty and beautiful. I remembered when I was younger, I tended to gravitate towards the ’aunties’ and ‘uncles’ whom I think are better-looking. Seriously. Tu kecik2 tau. Belum tau apape lagi. So yes, it is a natural inclination to be inclined to beauty, I guess.  But the question is, to what extent should it be a determining factor in say, marriages??

Say someone is already very keen in settling down. He kept ‘merisiking’ one girl after another. Unfortunately he was rejected time and again. Someone took pity on him and reccommended someone else. He rejected her flatly because he thinks that she is “not that pretty”. And mind you, SHE’S NOT EVEN ‘UGLY’, FAT OR ANYTHING! She’s sweet jugak ah even!

Isn’t it funny? He kept trying his luck with one girl after another, continuously being rejected but still very adamant not to accept anyone less ‘prettier’ than the girls he had approached. Youch!

&& the ‘cute’ thing is, he’s not even good-looking himself! He’s far from a svelte figure, not really dashing, lacking of charisma.. If you wanna talk about looks strictly la kan.. He’s lacking in it too!

Scenario di atas adalah rekaan. :|

I am not saying that one should totally ignore the physical aspect.. I mean, I myself do have that as a consideration as well la kan. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. I was feeling guilty because among the list of criterias I am looking for a soulmate ade jugak la kan yang “sedap mata memandang”. I was asking her, am I being superficial in my judgement? Should I totaly strike that off my list? Should I totally not care even if he is not “sedap mata memandang”? She gave me an answer which I think made sense..

“Mak kite cakap kan wak, it’s ok to choose someone with his looks as a factor. Sebab kan, this is the guy you will face everyday, the one you wake up to next in bed everyay.. So you do have the right.”

Betul. Betul ah. Memang betul. Tapi what is “sedap mata memandang” can have the widest range ever imagined! Ade orang yang asal ade dua mata, hidung and mulut tu kire ok la. Ade nak kena macam Angelina Jolie baruuuu la “sedap mata memandang”.

Entah lah. I know this is up to the individuals’ choices and preferencs. But I think sometimes we forget. Looks and physical appearances are not within the individual’s locus of control.. Not everyone has the genes. If given a choice, everyone will want to be gorgeous and perfect. But they can’t. And I sometimes think we are too punishing in this area, padahal it is not even their fault.

Haih.

For example, we know of someone who is attractive physically but ends up marrying someone who is less attractive.

“Ee tak kene seh.”

“De kan handsome. Asal amek si dekni plak.”

“Tak sajak betul.”

And we’ll try very very hard to fathom why the person ends up choosing her, especially if the calon before was a prettier woman.

“Da baik2 dengan yang lawa tu tak jadi plak. Tu lagi kene seh.”

See what I mean???????

Urghh.

We forget that there are other MORE IMMEDIATE AND IMPORTANT factors to be considered.

“…maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”

And we forget that in Allah’s eyes, it’s not the wealth nor the looks that matter. It’s the taqwa, the deeds that are ultimately being weighed on the miizaan.

I always forget. How forgetful.

:(

Dah lah. I am crapping again. I leave you with this cute video clip ok? Mesti dah penah tgk tapi takpe. tengok je. Byebye.

Yang mencintai aku.. apa adanya..

So the results will be out tomorrow. 11am, to be exact. I am terrified now, my feet are starting to get cold (they always do, but this time I know why. heh), I am beginning to feel sick in the stomach and I forget to breathe more often. Arghh.

Ni baru dapat results kat dunia. Kalau dapat ‘results’ kat akhirat macam mana ehk?

When the first man to the last man await for their deeds to be weighed on the miizaan..

1. On that, day people will return towards their Lord being in different ways, so that they may he shown their deeds.

2. Then whosoever has done good of an weight of an atom shall see it.

3. And whosoever has done evil of an weight of an atom shall see it.

Yet,

Then Adam received from his Lord Words . And his Lord pardoned him (accepted his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who forgives (accepts repentance), the Most Merciful. (2:37)

And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49:12)

How Merciful Allah is. All I need is tawbah, tawbatan nasuuha, and I’ll be forgiven for my sins which otherwise will likely cause me to burn in hell. And yet I still enjoy committing sins more than anything else. Shame on me, shame on me.

Oh. I’ve almost clean forgotten. Tomorrow is also the day I will get to know of another result, more terrifying than my exam results.

Laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus’aha; Allah does not oblige a soul save to the extent of its capacity..

But it’s ok to still be scared right? Because I am.

So in times like this, I miss my safety blanket. I really, really do.

I know, I know. I have not been updating kan. Suddenly I don’t feel like blogging pulak (I can already hear some people chuckling :p). 

Anyway, several people have approached me and expressed their concerns over my previous post. Jazaakumullahu khairal jazaa’:) I am ok now, really. Thank you all for the well-wishes and concern :)

No one is ever free from problems. And time after time, we’re faced with trials and tribulations that shake us so. But we have to remember that no problem is without a solution, or a solution that is not within our reach. Because if it is a problem that we are not able to solve, then it would not have been our problem in the first place. Laa yukallifullaahu nafsan illaa wus’ahaa, remember?:)

One of the best ways, in my opinion, to help myself regain the strength after I’ve fallen is to look at those who are suffering. For example, people yang tengah living in poverty, hari2 rumah kene destroy, family members dying off one by one, daughters and wives kene raped day after day.. 

My problems are of course still problems. There’s no way I can deny their painful effects on me. But upon comparing those problems to those who were in the situations I have mentioned earlier, macam rasa malu sendiri. Dah terlalu banyak sangat ni’mah (blessings) from Allah that I’ve received. Although the filthy heart ni always opts to only observe the kekurangan je. Sebab tu macam nampak banyak sangat. Kalau the filthy heart opts to observe the ni’mah instead, it will be humbled, it will cry, it will be ashamed of itself.. because there are just too many ni’mah that the filthy heart has been taking for granted and not the least appreciated.

Walhal selalu dibacanya “FA BI AYYI AALAAI RABBIKUMAA TUKADZZIBAAN?”

Kadang-kadang, I ask myself. Kalau kite sayang orang, we show through our actions and also through our words. Kalau sayang Allah macam mana eh?

Yes, the ‘ibadah, the zikr and everything.. Tapi boleh tak juga cakap,

“Ana uhibbuka, yaa Arhamarraahimiin”.

He is, the Greatest Lover of all. Boleh tk eh?

:)

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Just to brighten things up, let me share something funny with you all k?

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She has never seen death happening right before her eyes, and she has never had to bear the loss of someone very dear to her by death. No, she has not. Her dear teacher passed away when she was in primary 5. She cried, but her teacher was but a teacher. Her maternal grandfather died, but she was distant from him – she would only see him twice a year. And she missed the opportunity to kiss his forehead and saw him lying there while everyone was surrounding him in that solemn, depressed atmosphere due to a painful miscommunication. So yes, death feels all too distant for her.

But death has a way to occassionally come and greet her in its own teasing ways. She used to hate it a lot, and would just forcefully push it to the other end of her untouched collection of thoughts. But she’s all grown up now, and she knows better than to resort to such childish antics of hers. But come to think of it, she does not really do much now either. She just resorts to crying under the covers and occassionally bury her face underneath her pillow to ensure that not even a whimp can be heard. Then, she’ll wipe away her tears, sit up straight and wait for ten minutes or so before she’s ready to face anyone. She does not want to let anyone knows she has been crying. Her eyes, nose and cheeks will be all red, you see.

She knows death is real, as real as her existence is. No no. What is she saying? Death is far more real than that. Death is.. death. And whether she likes it or not, death will come to her. Either claiming the lives of those dear to her, or of course, that of her very own.

She has often heard of the saying, Islam is not just for you yourself, Islam is for those around you too. She couldn’t comprehend it then; not that she is able to comprehend it now, but at least, she thinks she has understood something out of it. Islam is not just about personal salvation, but something which extends far beyond that. Islam is about saving oneself, yes. But it is also about putting in the effort of saving those around you too. One cannot just perform all the rituals, concentrate on being the best servant of Allah, and totally ignores about whether or not the person who is just an arm strech away has even performed his zuhur prayers. No, one has to perform all the rituals and concentrate on being the best servant of Allah AND to try hard to ensure that others around her do just the same, to the best of her limited abilities. Afterall,

“You cannot guide the ones you love. GOD is the only One who guides in accordance with His will, and in accordance with His knowledge of those who deserve the guidance.” (28:56).

‘And every nation has its appointed term; when their term is reached, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment).” (7:34)

Just like how every man has his fixed appoinment with the Angel of Death. Not a second later, not a second sooner.

Now, now. What has she done to prepare herself for this fixed, yet unknown moment, she thought to herself? What has she done to help those dear to her prepare for their moment??

Or is death seemingly very distant still?

Some people said that you can feel it when your time is near. She does not know about that, but one thing’s for sure, she might be known as the reigning Queen of Last Minute (always preparing for her assignments and examinations at the last minute), but even she knows that death is not something to prepare at the last minute for!

“Our Lord, we have wronged our souls! And unless You forgive us and have mercy on us, we will be losers.” (7: 23)

So please, she pleads to herself. Please be ready for death. Please be happy should death greets you again and this time, taking you away with it. And the only way to be happy when it happens, is to know that you’re leaving what you have now for something far more better, something eternal, something so wonderful that even the most imaginative of men fails miserably in describing. And please, she pleads again. Please help ensure that those you love are prepared too.

She knows this is a rather incoherent post. She is apologetic about it, but there’s no other way she can put it – the things in her mind now. It’s just, overwhelming. But it is coherent to her nevertheless. See? She’s losing you again. She better ends this.

Ilalliqa’. Salaamullahi ta’aala ‘alaikum.

Ana sayang mama.