10.25.08
The conversation.
“You do know deep down inside that this is patriarchal! It’s an oppression against women. It was a social construct created at that point of time when only the men held power. Babe, please, I don’t have to tell you the details kan.”
“No you don’t. I know the arguments.”
“Exactly!! So why are you still holding on to it?”
*smiles*
“You just think ok. Your parents are forking out money to support your education sampai you are where you are now. And you yourself know how freaking expensive the fees are. And you are thinking of staying at home, playing the submissive housewife? Please lah.”
“I know there is no way I can repay my parents.”
“Oh so you don’t need to repay them at all, is that what you’re saying?”
“What I’m saying is, I can never repay them and that’s the fact. But that doesn’t mean I won’t contribute to their income or I won’t bother treating them nicely lah.”
“I really don’t understand you lah. Asal tanak keje? You despise women who work isn’t it? Hm?”
“No I don’t. I’ve never said so, so please jangan cakap sembarang ok. Based on my experience working, I just find work very frustating. I find it difficult to handle the stress, the politics, the bitching and gossiping.. But I’m not saying I am ruling out the possibility of me still working in the future. And I do not despise working women okay. Bagus lah kalau nak keje. Handle the workload and still be the best wife, mother and daughter. That’s admirable. And don’t snigger. I am not being sarcastic.”
“Sudahlah kau. The way you put it macam you think it’s impossible to work and remain a good wife and mother at the same time.”
“It is not impossible, but personally, I believe it’s very very difficult. Tapi aku tau there are people who can do it. My teachers are working women, some admirable ladies I know are working women. So really, I have nothing against women working. Cume PERSONALLY I think it is difficult and I do not know if I can do it. Tu je. Susah sangat ke nak paham my stand?”
“YES! Susah. Aku tak paham why kau nak waste your time still belajar if you have no plans for your future. Pergi duduk rumah belajar all the ‘keje2 perempuan’ je lah.”
“Kau nak deprive my rights from studying?”
“No, but I’m being practical. Tanak keje why nak blaja sampai uni? Or okay, go blaja kat uni2 Islam lah. That would suit you more.”
“Memang aku kalau ikot hati dulu nak blaja kat Uni Islam. Tapi takde rezki and I end up here. Tapi I’m not regretting this. I’ve learnt a lot, and it has changed my worldview to a certain extent. So tak rasa rugi lah kalau tak kerja nanti.”
“Memanglah knowledge tu tak rugi. Tapi it will not translate into economic capital. And that’s a waste. And change your worldview kau kata? Apa yang changed? Still macam gini aku tengok. Kau still takleh agree dengan people like Prof ___ and Dr ___. Kau cakap dorang liberal lah ape lah.”
“Haha. Aku nak kene agree dengan dorang ke? Perspectives towards benda lain maybe berubah, tapi principles tak.”
“Susah ah kau nie. I’m tired of you, you know.”
“Eh janganlah. I’m cute you know.”
*ignoring* “Kau ingat lelaki sekarang suke eh perempuan yang nak stay rumah? Tu dulu la. Now they like independent women. They want their wives to be able to stand on her own, have her own life. Ni bukan zaman lelaki nak ‘oh, balek rumah nak ade isteri dah sedia nak sambut’ and what nonsense.”
“Kau kata aku nonsense? Kalau aku kata ade lelaki yang fikir macam tu, macam mana?”
“Kau memang nonsense lah! Geram aku. Ok lah, maybe ada. But if you want to get yourself a graduate who earns a decent living, susah lah. These people need wives who will be able to hold intellectual discussions with them, keep them engaged and stuffs like that. I’m not saying that you won’t, tapi kalau kau nanti dah stay kat rumah, jaga anak, masak, kemas.. Mesti brain pun macam boleh beku seh.”
“Duduk rumah takleh hold intellectual discussions ke? Boleh ape. Janganlah bekukan otak. If you keep yourself updated dengan current affairs, you read.. Ok pe.”
“Ah ye. With one child crying for you, the other playing in the toilet, the other nak panjat tingkap, the other bullying adik dia.. Adenye la masa kau.”
“Hui. Ramainye anak aku? Kau tolong predict kan ke? Tak sangka kau ade psychic power.”
“Yelah. Kalau dah duduk rumah je. Then you’ll start growing out of shape, and then dah tak kuasa nak doll yourself up, and then jadilah kau typical housewives yang suami balek bau ikan lah bawang lah dengan baju butterfly, rambut macam ape. Rumah berserak dengan budak2 punye toys and they will shout at each other. Then suami kau pun carilah excuse nak kahwin lagi and kau akan redha sebab ‘oh, I know I can’t satisfy him and dia layak kahwin lagi.’ Hannah!! Why are you subjecting yourself to all these possibilities?? Kau ingat senang eh??”
“Aku tau tak senang. But it’s a challenge I want to try. Kalau tak tahan, boleh discuss dengan dia ape. And what is it about baju butterfly eh? Epitome of dowdy housewives eh? Hahahaha.”
“I don’t know la. It just came to my mind. Kau ni cakap macam senang je. Boleh discuss. Aku rase kalau da dapat suami yang nak kau tinggal rumah je tu, confirmed authoritarian nye ah. Kes ‘I said no means no’. So what discussion??”
“InsyaAllah suami aku nanti tak gitu. De mesti understanding, loving2 nye type.. *senyum menjeng*”
“KAN! IDEALISTIC SEH KAU! DELUSIONAL!”
“HAHAHA. Kau ameen kan la! Ape dah! Taklah, tapi kau ni sweeping sangat ah. Tak semestinya suami yang nak isteri stay at home is authoritarian ok. It’s just their preference. Kau cannot judge them based on that one preference ok, and terus deny them of their ability to actually engage in a discussion.”
“I know la. But it’s just so typical you knowww. Hello, please lah. Tak haramlah perempuan kerja.”
“I know. Kau ni eh. Aku pun da start nak penat. Aku tak kata haram kan. In fact, if my husband wants me to work, I will, insyaAllah. Cuma my preference is, KALAU BOLEH aku tanak keje. Tapi macam adelah jugak angan2 nak work as a part-time journalist ke ape. But I don’t know lah kan. I will have to see how things turn out to be. Aku okey je sebenarnye. Nak keje okey, tanak keje lagi okey. Hehe.”
“Kalau nak keje, you have to PLAN for it. Ingat senang jadi part-time journalist? You are competing with thousands of people who have impressive portfolios and superb writing skills. You want to be one? Caan. But start working towards it! Ni macam ‘oh, kalau ade rezki adelah.’ Passive seh kau. Islam tak macam tu tau.”
“Chey chey. Yela betul lah kau cakap. Islam tak macam tu. Tapi kan aku cakap. Angan2 ajek. Actually, aku adelah jugak back-up plan. Tapi not important for me to tell you, or anyone else. Doakan je lah k.”
“Yelah doa doa jugak. Tapi kau nie. I don’t know who has brainwashed you ah. Must be some traditionalists. Nah, those traditionalists are imposing their values on you! But you, you don’t have to freaking accept them ape.”
“What traditionalists? By the way, I don’t see anyone IMPOSING their values on me. I am influenced, yes, but I am thinking this way because I WANT TO think this way. Seriously lah, it’s not a problem kan?”
“YES! YES IT IS. Nak survive kat Singapore kau takleh have this mindset.”
“Aku migrate lah. UK ke.. Dari kecik memang nak migrate sana. NZ pun viable alternative. Tempat dah lah lawa gilee. Eh you should see _____’s blog! Banyak gambar2 NZ. Confirm kau pun suke.”
“Migrate? Senang nye cakap! Eh are you for real, or are you not taking this seriously?? You’re totally succumbing to THEIR idea of the ‘ideal’ woman. I hate to say this, but you’re being brainwashed. Seriously. Very naive.”
“Naive? Brainwashed? Thanks.”
“I mean, look at yourself! Fancy having such thoughts!”
“Look, you have your own goals and motivations and I have mine. I respect yours so please learn to accept mine or we can stop talking about this altogether. I’m not a very tolerant person either ok. Enough is enough. You can say I am backdated and merepek to be having such thoughts. But really, by whose standards are you judging me? Were you as vocal as this when you were younger? Were you as passionate as you are now when you were younger? No. So you yourself are holding on strongly to a set of beliefs YOU believe is right for you. So how does that differ you from me? Not much, I see. So using your definition of being ‘brainwashed’, I can say you’re being brainwashed yourself. In fact, I do not look down on those who choose to work, and I myself am not ruling out the possibilty. I’ve told you, da berkali2 sampai penat aku cakap, yang this is just a personal preference, but needs and circumstances in the future will be a larger influence. So dah lah. Kau nak stress2 kat sini kenapa.”
“Sebab whatever kau buat will have a direct impact on me.”
P/s: These are all the details of the conversation that I am able to share. Please do not enquire further on the conversation. But please do keep the comments coming though! :)
jelot said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:07 pm
omg la hannah, recently i’ve been feeling like i dont want to work also after graduating if possible. okay we shall beli rumah sbelah², be jirans and then kalau dah kawin and beranak-pinak we shall both jaga anak together!
ALL THAT WITHOUT being ignorant of whatever’s happening in the outside world NOR wearing baju butterfly/rambut berserabai.
OKAY, I HAVE YOUR BACK! :D
ummsofiyyah said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Hahaha. Okey! Pastu boleh bertukar2 lauk pauk ye!
Thanks Jelot! Mmuah!
Aisya-K said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:32 pm
hey same2! I mean like, I’d love to be at home biler suami balek rumah.. and we can be jirans too! muahaha.
and whilst reading ur entry, mcm tersenyum2 seh. I totally understand wat u r saying. It’s all preference knnn…
and…… i know i shldnt enquire abt anything but im not enquiring.. cuma the last sentence “bcoz watever u do will hav a DIRECT impact on me” tu, mcm made me thinkinggggg… hahahaa
ummsofiyyah said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hahaha. Boleh2. The more the merrier.
“Janganlah kau bertanya akan perkara yang kalau kamu diterangkan akannya, akan menyusahkan kamu.”
:p
Nisah said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:48 pm
i have been working since i grad fr july 2003….sometimes i feel like dropping everything n tendering THE letter…tooo bad, no hubby to support me yet…my AIM: get a hubby n resign!!!! dah penat kerja dah!
ummsofiyyah said,
October 25, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Helo Nisah:)
Hehehe! Semoga ditemukan jodoh asap! Kalau itu yang terbaik, insyaAllah:)
Tapi the question everyone will pose is, kalau suami tak mampu nak support the household on his own macam mana?
But to me, kalau dah kena kerja, kerja je lah. Takkan nak merengek hentak2 kaki nak stay kat rumah jugak, betol tak? Hehe. And lucky you to at least have experience working! :)
Anyway, were you the one who commented asking for the jubah shop? If yes, I hope you did find the shop! :)
ckz said,
October 25, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Hey i truly understand what u feel cos currently im having the same dilemma..haha
nvm, we shall be neighbours k..i can see u sharing an intellectual discussion upon chasing ur own kids at the corridor.
haha:P
ummsofiyyah said,
October 25, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Cekza! First time kan comment?:p
Yay tambah lagi satu neighbour. Kay jelot and sya, we have an addition to our neighbourhood eh:p Macam senang je. Hahaha.
Hahah. Having intellectual discussions while chasing the kids? Ok pe. Rather than bebual pasal bollywood movies:p (habes lah peminat2 bollywood movies marah kat aku kan cekza kan?:p)
eusof said,
October 26, 2008 at 2:00 am
=)
Bloghopper said,
October 26, 2008 at 2:50 am
A very interesting conversation! I enjoy reading them! Both of you made very good points but I agree with u more though…
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 3:00 am
Helo bloghopper:)
Thank you! And welcome! :)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 3:00 am
eusof,
:)
Aisya-K said,
October 26, 2008 at 3:56 am
hahahaha klau sya tau, menyusahkn ke? :P k da stop. wah maken byk eh jiran hannah. bgs2. and sume mcm bdk maarif je…. hahahaha
sadidah said,
October 26, 2008 at 4:27 am
hannah ! aku tgh blaja psl ni kt s’pore studies ! u can be one of my subjects bile nk ckp psl women kt s’pore ..
hehhehe..
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 4:59 am
Hahaha. Must be the school, breeding students with such backdated mindset! Lol.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 5:05 am
Oh Sadid. Nak menggunakan aku lah eh?:p
Hahahaha. What exactly did you learn about? That I’m practising maternal gatekeeping? That some women still have such possessiveness over their domestic sphere that no matter how tired they are, they will feel that it is THEIR responsibilty, and the men will never be able to do a good job if they’re asked to do it?
Or that I believe in ‘Asian Values’ which are highly-contested because “what are Asian values in the first place? They are but a reaction towards globalization and the so-called westernization.”?
I can go on and on, so tell me, which part of SS do I fit in? Hehe.
Nisah said,
October 26, 2008 at 8:24 am
yap, me the same one tat asked u regarding d jubah shop….from d day i asked u abt it till now, i still haven’t step into pasar geylang….no time, swamped with work!!!!
kesiankan!
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 8:26 am
Hahaha. Kesian2. Takpe, nanti besok kan deepavali. Boleh shopping2 k. Hehe
farhanah said,
October 26, 2008 at 11:36 am
HANAAAAAA.
i pun tanak keje!!! haha,so can i join ur list of jirans??
Hehe.
But for me, its more of malas. Like, buatpe la nak keje when u can stay home and like do fun things like cooking and baking. Hehe. Betol tak?
Takyah nak stress over work politics and penat2 ulang alik keje.
And if its really a true conversation, i pity ur friend for thinking all those things. Cos i think we are actually intelligent women, who just dont see the need to work *unless lack of money becomes a serious issue or something* hehe.
jelot said,
October 26, 2008 at 11:46 am
hahahhahhaha!!
cekza n sya must be sharing the same “taknak graduate syndrome” as me eh haha!
btw hannah aku minat jugak ah hindustan HAHAHA (bet you didnt know that :P)
and and rindu korg laaaaaa… ape ni tknk jmpe jelot lagi…… :(
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 1:06 pm
FARNAAA! (farna sultan kan ni? hehehehe)
OF COURSE CANN! Tunggu I beli satu neighbourhood pastu we can all stay next to each other hokey??
Tu ah. Work is just soo ergh. You know, when I was in primary school, I kept looking fwd to masuk secondary, then to pre-u and then very tak sabar nak masuk uni. But I think now, Ive stopped looking forward already. Ok that sounds wrong, haha. But you know what I mean. I’m soo not looking forward to workinggg. *sigh*
Haha yeah! But I guess different people have different goals and motivations in life kan. To them, we are being merepek la coz we’re going through all this stress in school abeh macam tanak utilize it. Or something. They have a point, but we just don’t share their perspectives. That’s all. :D
EH YOU’VE FINALLY COMMENTED EH:p Looking forward to your comments again in the future! Hehe:)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 26, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Jelot,
aku tau kau minat hindustan. sebab tu aku sengaja type tu:p
tanak graduate syndrome? eh aku pun da rase2 bahangnya sikit2 ah. haha. in uni, time just FLIES. tak pernah aku rase masa berjalan sepantas ini. tsk tsk.
ku pon rindu kau jugak! bukan tanak jumpe tadi belom ade jodoh..hehe. nanti exam habes kite have lunch together or something ah ok k k?
but please, no discussions on bollywood stars and movies ok! :p
jelot said,
October 27, 2008 at 3:21 am
HAHAHAAHAH. eh dah setahun agaknya tak tgk cerita hindustan ok! tk boleh claim jadi fan lagi ah gini hahahahhhaahax!
OKEHHH ehh set, lunch! :D
faruq said,
October 27, 2008 at 3:44 am
Wow, that’s a very good discussion indeed. I hope your friend opens her mind. Thanks to the Feminist Movement, women nowadays think that if they don’t work, they’re ‘backdated’. How so very untrue.
Think about it. The men work. The women also work. Who’s taking care of the children? Strangers they call maids. Where is the love?
Both parents come back home tired, no time for children. Then they wonder why their children rebel. This is essentially destroying the nucleus of society: the family.
The roles of men and women are different. But it’s fair.
The men work and put bread on the table. The women bring up and care for the children. It’s a no-brainer that women take better care of the little ones – it’s in their nature to love and nurture.
Nothing I say can do justice to what is excellently presented by Shaykh Yusuf Estes in these two videos (I hope you don’t mind me linking):
http://cognitivefunctions.blogspot.com/2008/07/men-are-from-marwa-women-are-from-safa.html
ummsofiyyah said,
October 27, 2008 at 3:45 am
Okeh bebeh. InsyaAllah!
redtide said,
October 27, 2008 at 10:04 am
Salaam ‘alaik..
your friend so stressed up uh.. hmm, i think u can already start recruiting future members for an intellectual housewives club here..
Anyway, for me there’s no problem about the wife not working.. to each his/her own.. but in the context of living in Singapore?
Hmm, its either you’d have to be contented with a simple life or you’d have to find yourself a husband earning big bucks for a more comfortable one..
What d’you think? =)
redtide said,
October 27, 2008 at 10:12 am
Just to add..
However, I don’t agree if the wife neglects the important years of upbringing of their children by focusing on work and leaving the child in the care of others..
Take my mom for example, when she bore me or my other siblings, she stopped working and took care of us herself until we started school and began to be more independant.. only then, she started working again.. hm, miss my mom in SG..
ummsofiyyah said,
October 27, 2008 at 10:14 am
Wsalam wr wb.
A simple life sounds good to me. As long as we’re debt-free and contented, don’t you think? :)
But we’ll never know what fate has in store for us. So I’m praying for the best and leaving the rest to God. :)
haha. intellectual housewives eh? sounds good, sounds good. hehe. but really, it would be cool to have that. :)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 27, 2008 at 10:18 am
Ahh. I see. You think the mother should be the sole caregiver during the child’s early years? Some would say this is a result of sacredization of children which has the ultimate aim of reducing women to the domestic sphere and not let her compete with the men in the workforce.
But I share your views, though. Hehe:)
Aww. I’m sure she misses you much too:)
nadiah :) said,
October 27, 2008 at 3:31 pm
i completely share the same sentiments as you. and by not working, kan lagi boleh banyak membaca, lagi banyak peluang pergi kuliah-kuliah, dan bermacam-macam lagi.. and at the same time menjaga dan mendidik anak.. berbake bake, dannn banyak lagi. women are great multi-taskers anyway, arent we? :)
my du’as for you sis :)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 27, 2008 at 4:36 pm
yes! so true. welcome to the club. hehe:)
ni mesti orangnye suke bake2 kan? hebat2. nanti boleh lah ajar kite2 ye. hehe:)
and my sincere du’as for you too sis. fii amanillah:)
faruq said,
October 28, 2008 at 12:06 am
A very interesting discussion. I hope your friend opens up her mind. Women have for CENTURIES been the ones who take care of the household while the men go out looking to put bread on the table.
The world has turned out just fine hasn’t it?
It’s only in the 19th century, thanks to the Feminist Movement that women suddenly want ‘independence, liberation’ – that means competing with the men in the workforce.
And now that both the men and women are out at work, who’s caring for the child? Strangers they call maids. This is essentially destroying the nucleus of society: the family.
Where is the love?
The parents come back home tired, no time for the kids. They then wonder why the children rebel. The government then wonders why there aren’t enough babies. Go figure.
So much for ‘economic capital’.
It is incumbent upon the men to be the breadwinner – while the women care for the child. It’s a no-brainer that women have in their character to love and nurture.
Nothing I say can do justice to what is excellently presented by Shaykh Yusuf Estes in these two videos (linked to my name)
We need to go back to our roots.
May Allah Jalla Jallaluh guide us.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 28, 2008 at 12:28 am
Yes yes. I agree! :)
Some might argue that the ‘loving and nurturing’ characteristics of women are not innate – they are socialized to behave that way. That’s why we make little girls play with dolls while boys with trucks. It’s all socialization in progress since day one – to make girls ‘feminine’ and boys ‘masculine’. So they’re arguing that if we socialize them the other way round, they’ll turn out, well, the other way round. And they might say, yes, it has been like that for centuries, so exactly, the oppression has been done for centuries because men have always been in power. But now with education and ‘realization’, women are asking for their ‘rights’, to be ‘liberated’ and given the same opportunities as men in succeeding in the workforce as well.
Well, for me I’ve stated clearly. There is no denying that the one who is the key figure of maintaining the household should be women, whatever the argument is. If they choose to go to work, then by all means. As long as they know their priorities, that’s all. But personally, I prefer staying at home and I hope I will be able to do so in the future, insyaAllah.
About the maids.. I know sometimes it’s unavoidable.. But I’ve seen parents who still bond with their children well despite having maids around. But I think it’s just sad to see children being closer to maids than to their own parents. And if I were to have children, insyaAllah, I want to raise them my way. I find it a bit hard to accept if it’s my maid doing all the informal teaching, disciplining and everything else in their daily interaction. But I understand that different people have different ways of looking at things. Kheir, insyaAllah:)
Ok, syukran jaziilan for the brilliant comment. jazaakallah.
eusof said,
October 28, 2008 at 7:18 am
i am wowed by the response here.
You are like a celebrity blogger lah u.s.
Lol….eusof
A. Ibnu Abihi said,
October 28, 2008 at 9:22 am
Bismillah,
Salaam, I would like to comment on this jugak la. I have no personal vendetta against the other person in the conversation, but I do have to refrain from being overly sensitive and be rational.
Okayy, here goes. I have to say that the person must have a really narrow mind. Who says, men nowadays only like ‘independent’ women who has a career for herself?? I do know of men, who would still prefer his wife to stay at home and manage the household while he’s out being the breadwinner of his family.
Cannot survive in Singapore eh this way?? That’s a mistaken thought.
A wive can be industrious even at home. She can continue engaging with intellectual stuffs at home. If she really has to work to support his husband financially, it’s excusable. However, if it’s greatly needed la.
Some may say, having a job means, the wife can spend her money on what she wants w/out her husband forking out for her… In a sense, memang la boleh cakap tak menyusahkan husband dia… tapi it’s a sacrifice on so many other things. Kalau nak kerja setakat part time, baik tak payah kan. Kalo kerja full time and long hours, then what about the quality time to be spent with her husband??
Then nanti at night, tired la ape la, how can her husband be happy?? The survey made on Singaporeans shows that this is one of the major reasons why the divorce rate is increasing and birthrate declining.
And kalau da ada anak, even if maids are employed, it just won’t be the same as a mother educating her children. A wife or mother has the most important job of shaping the ummah, nurturing the future generation. She won’t be uneducated herself since she can update and upgrade herself… There are various ways to do this.
Okayy, I have to cut it short, it may sidetrack to another story. Before I conclude…
A wife’s duty is to serve her husband kan? You know what will make a husband happy?? Upon returning from work, he enters his house, warmly welcomed by his lovely wife, who dressed up for him, kept everything in the house in order, serving him heaven and earth iced green tea… That’s heaven on earth tau kalau nak tahu.
That’s all I have to say. Thanks again ummsofiyyah. :)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 28, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Eusof,
haha. no la, these are the nice people who share my opinions on the issue je:)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 28, 2008 at 12:05 pm
A,
we all know that every opinion is subjective.. But u know wats the MOST subjective part in ur comment?
“heaven and earth iced green tea.”
hah.
alfaqeer said,
October 29, 2008 at 1:02 pm
MasyaAllah!
I just had a similar conversation just 2 weeks ago!
I was saying I would prefer not to work but if I want to, I want to work from home. And if I really, really have to, I’ll work but BEFORE I have kids.
Ever since I was young, I had always envisioned myself to be a housewife. Other children wanted to be doctors and lawyers and teachers. Deep in my heart, I always wanted to be a good cook, to sew, to read stories to my kids etc etc.
I honoured mothers greatly and thought their jobs and duties to be monumental and of great importance. I could never imagine letting my kids be taken care of by someone else. Mothers are the first teachers and our homes the first madrasahs; how could I trust someone else to do the job?
The person I was having the conversation with (a male) also told me to stop studying now because it’d be useless to continue if I wasn’t planning to work anyway.
I don’t understand why work & study has to come together. I’m studying because I enjoy learning and I love being challenged. It is not because I need a degree to get a job. Of course, I want to do well and have a good degree. InsyaAllah when the need arises, I will have a good job.
Being a supermum is amazing and all that but honestly, what is a person’s goal? Where is she comfortable?
I am comfortable at home, knowing that my life is dedicated to my husband, kids, in-laws. It is no easy task and I don’t see why I should add on to that already momentous task by working! Once my kids are older, perhaps I could work. Ideally, I would only work before I have kids.
My goal is to develop children that will be the pride of Islam, to be the support for my husband and the care-taker of my in-laws. First priority! After that, of course I have goals of contributing to society, to write books, to help others, to do research etc etc. But we need to be realistic. We only have 24 hours and that is why I plan to do as much as I can now, prepare myself to create that “conducive madrasah” and spend my youth and especially SINGLE days for the society. Because once I’m married and especially when I have kids, nobody’s gonna make me separate from them no no no!
ummsofiyyah said,
October 29, 2008 at 2:22 pm
MasyaAllah.
YES YES YES YES YES YES! I totally agree with you! *squeals in excitement*
I have been considering the idea of working from home too. I think it’s like having the best of worlds gitu. :)
And I totally agree with you about the no. of hours we have in a day, and thus the need to prioritise. I understand that some people just have the ability to really maximise every minute of their life, sebab tu boleh kerja and everything (and I’ve seen some of these people myself). But knowing myself, I doubt I can be as good as them. So better stick to the no.1 priority:)
Jazaakillahu khairan, sis. :)
eusof said,
October 29, 2008 at 11:36 pm
May i suggest that all MEN to be ultimately wealthy so that their womenfolk don’t have to go out of the house to help sustain financial needs…!
Women are created biologically to nurture the children and help in the growing up process. So allow them to do their jobs.
And men! (myself included!) Be rich! Stop being mediocre and start earning 100 times more of what you are earning today!
See! Because of us (men), women face so many challenges in the outside world.
free-mingling at workplace–>extra-marital affairs with boss–>breakdown of family values & system–>and there goes the vicious cycle …
Who is it to blame when there’s so much disorder in the world?
It goes w/o saying, man.
So i urge all MEN to be more responsible and live up to our duties!
0apologiesfortheharshremarks0 =)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 30, 2008 at 4:30 am
Hahaha. Semangat ye eusof. Bagus2. Semoga anda berjaya menjadi “Asia’s Youngest Billionaire” nanti yang selama ini anda impi-impikan, insyaAllah.
faruq said,
October 30, 2008 at 5:01 am
By making girls ‘masculine’ and boys ‘feminine’, we have gays and lesbians – destroying the very nature of Man.
It’s politics really.
They intend to break up the social fabric, making us slaves to our jobs, trying to make ends meet.
Instead of just one member of the household earning enough money to feed a family, now it requires two.
Why do you think they call it ‘middle class’?
Earning just enough – not lower not higher.
Those who are content with little – they are the richest.
They do not get bogged down with debts. They live day by day. Sure it’s not comfortable, but it’s still living.
Sedangkan Nabi (saw) kita sendiri tidur atas tikar – yang kita ni kejar-kejarkan kereta yang besar, TV yang canggih, rumah yang modern.
Nak buat aper tu semua? Entah2 besok Izrail dah panggil.
Yang penting hidup ini sementara – di akhirat juga kita jumpa.
May we be blessed with contentment in God’s blessings.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 30, 2008 at 5:32 am
You’re right, faruq. But I think eusof has a point too.
Of course, living a simple life in content is a bliss. Takyah fikir hutang, takyah nak itu nak ini. Leceh leceh.
But being rich is encouraged too. Yes the Prophet wasn’t rich, but the sahabats were, and their financial help was crucial in funding the wars, liberating the Muslims who were slaves to the kuffaar and so on.
The thing about being rich is, we do not have to live luxuriously. Tak payah nak beli kereta besar, TV canggih rumah modern tu sume. We can be rich, but still living dalam keadaan sederhana, channeling our money to help in da’wah purposes or helping the community and so on.
Cuma tu lah, masalahnya sungguh sedikit orang yang tak jadi buta bile dah dapat harta yang banyak. Konon je nak tolong ummah, tapi jadi lain. They feel it’s a loss that they’ve worked so hard, but they have to share the money with orang lain instead. So untuk mereka2 ni, leading a simple life would be much safer and better. Sebab yang penting the goal and the niyyat of getting rich is important. Nak jadi kaya sebab apa? And then MORE importantly, will you carry it out lepas dah jadi kaya?
So I think both of you are making very relevant points. Yang mampu jadi kaya, jadilah. As long as your iman, taqwa and sense of responsibility towards the ummah are way stronger than the love you have for your wealth. Siapa yang nak hidup simple and tanak stress2 pasal cari duit, leave simply and happily and find content in little things is a good way to live too. :)
wallahu a’lam bissowaab.
eusof said,
October 31, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Full of wisdom! Well said again Hannah!
It is so saddening how our mind has been programmed to think so not positively about being rich and wealthy.
Just to share, I was having a casual meet-up with several millionaires yesterday, some were locals and some from the states & UK.
And they lead a humble. I must say more humble than any of us. And we didnt eat at luxurious hotels or the likes. Kiter makan kat Food Republic and Indian Food Shop! Lol.
And the best thing is that they help more people than any of us combined.
So the notion that the rich is selfish and crude, are all the gimmicks of the cartoon ‘Scrooge’ and the likes, that were programmed in our minds since young.
It is so sad that people use this excuse of melupakan Allah in avoidance to being rich. Sesungguhnya kemiskinan itu hampir dengan kekufuran.
Before i leave, i would like to share a quote: If you are rich to can outreach and help others, but if you are poor what can you do?, if not burden the rest.
Wealth is a state of mind, for those who understand and put some thought.
May Allah purify our hearts, rectify our states and show us the light.
eusof said,
October 31, 2008 at 1:09 pm
*and they lead a humble life…
eusof said,
October 31, 2008 at 1:11 pm
correction: If you are rich YOU can outreach and help others, but if you are poor what can you do?, if not burden the rest.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 31, 2008 at 2:58 pm
ok eusof ok. point noted. thanks! jazaakallah:)
faruq said,
October 31, 2008 at 10:25 pm
AsSalamuAlaikum brother Eusof!
Was waiting for your reply…
I guess this discussion has inspired me to write about this topic: “rich or poor” on my blog. I’ll be writing once I get back from work tomorrow, insyaAllah.
For now, here’s a primer:
Let this be known: I’ve been in your position, brother.
To have been influenced and motivated with the burning desire to get rich. I mean, c’mon, siapa yang tak nak kaya?
You toss $50 bills and everyone will scamper around you.
Why do you think gameshows like “Who wants to be a Millionaire” make such crowd-pullers? Of course people want to be rich!
It is those people, who are totally unaffected by money, by wealth, it is these people who should be rich billionaires. Because their hearts won’t skip a beat if their fortunes were to disappear overnight. Inilah nama dia ‘zuhud’. These are the ones who will give away their wealth in the best of means – and the best of examples is as Hannah has stated: the wealthy Companions (ra)
Unlike us.
Tepuk dada, tanya iman.
Look at the oil-rich Arab Sheikhs. What are they doing?
Buying over football clubs.
And half the world is still hungry.
Aight, off to work! Till then.
eusof said,
November 1, 2008 at 12:52 am
my apologies to you umm sofiyyah.
ummsofiyyah said,
November 1, 2008 at 3:40 am
eusof,
apologies for? no no. pls continue ok. the conversation’s just getting started;)
ummsofiyyah said,
November 1, 2008 at 4:03 am
faruq,
yes yes, those filthy rich oil syeikhs. tsk tsk.
ah interesting. bt ive seen rich people leading moderately simple lives and are very generous.. for me personally, it’s up to the individual’s choice (and God’s will of course) and whether he thinks he is able to carry out the heavy amanah of being rich. kalau tak, jawablah di akhirat depan Allah nanti ye..
hmm..we shall wait for your entry then:)
eusof said,
November 2, 2008 at 12:12 am
Apologies from top to bottom.
i guess, silence is sometimes a better answer.
Although i agree with what you said, Hannah.
ummsofiyyah said,
November 2, 2008 at 1:38 am
Ya aba sofyan,
again, what is there to apologise about? we’re all having a nice discussion, with no hard feelings or whatsoever. so no need for apologies ya? :)
jazaakallahu khairan, wa zawwajakaLlahu bikran bukroh! (your favourite do’a now used to pray for you. hehe)
faruq said,
November 2, 2008 at 5:10 am
Alhamdulillah, I’ve posted my entry.
Brother Eusof, I mean no hard feelings at all. Please forgive me if I have done so. I’m sure God sees 70 better things in you than in me.
Truly your enthusiasm in getting rich is admirable.
If only I had the same enthusiasm when it comes to ibadah.
ummsofiyyah said,
November 2, 2008 at 6:23 am
enthusiasm for ‘ibadah. masyaAllah. :)