10.11.08
Malu bertanya, sesat jalan.
“Prohibited for you (in marriage) are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, the sisters of your fathers, the sisters of your mothers, the daughters of your brother, the daughters of your sister, your nursing mothers, the girls who nursed from the same woman as you, the mothers of your wives, the daughters of your wives with whom you have consummated the marriage (if the marriage has not been consummated, you may marry the daughter). Also prohibited for you are the women who were married to your genetic sons. Also, you shall not be married to two sisters at the same time – but do not break up existing marriages. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.” (4: 23)
Okeh. CONFIRMED.
Mari kita baca ayat di atas again. What do we notice? There is absolutely no mention of COUSINS or UNCLES/ AUNTIES who are not related to us by blood, but through marriage (eg, my mother’s sister’s husband). So meaning.. Kalau dengan dorang, kita kene tutup aurat and tak boleh salam2 laa~ (:
When I was much younger, I was very very close to some of my cousins (boys). Sebab tu la dulu tu tomboy. We played power rangers la, flashman la, mask man la, dragon ball la.. macam2! We ate together, we sometimes slept on the same pillow (I remembered once, I was sleeping over at my cousins’, and I slept in between the both of my male cousins ok. Pas tu my makcik kata me and one of them hugged each other mcm bantal. TSK TSK TSK. ), and we even bathed together (when we were VERY VERY kecik la ok). That was how close we were.
And I believe that many of you readers have had similar experiences before too. However, I believe that we must all understand that no matter how close we were, or we are, to our cousins, the fact remains that we are not their mahrams. Thus, it is important that we keep to our physical boundaries when interacting with each other.
A friend of mine once argued, a male cousin who is the son to our fathers’ brothers, can be considered as mahram as he is one of those in the hierarchy of list for wali. True, he is, but fact remains that he is not a mahram. My ustazah once quoted an example of a couple in Johor Baharu. They are both the children to their respective paternal uncles. However, the girl had no one else left and except for him that would fit the criteria of becoming a wali, that he himself became her wali. So my ustazah said it was cute in the sense that he shook the hands of the Qadhi twice. Once to serahkan hak menikahkan pada Qadhi, secondly, to terima nikah tu. Hehe.
As for uncles or aunts who are not related to us by blood, some might argue that we are not allowed to marry them kan, so why do we still have to behave as if they are our non-mahrams? Sebab memang pun. We are only prohibited from marrying them TEMPORARILY – for as long as they remain married to our real uncles or aunts. Once they are divorced, we are automatcially allowed to marry them if we want to. On the other hand, say, for one cannot marry his stepmother even if she is later divorced from his father. (:
Why am I bringing this up? Ni lah jalan2 raya ni kan.. Sometimes I notice, we don’t really observe the above matters I’ve mentioned above. Hmmm.. I know why! Maybe terconfuse la kan da banyak2 sangat. Hehe. Maybe. Tapi, now that we know the real hukum to the issue, I believe we should all not get confused again in the future, hokey? (:
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I was so so slenger just now ok. I went to Bedok Polyclinic as I needed an MC for yesterday (that GEN BIO LAB SESSION LA. Thats why I dun like science. Arts better. Tak datang tutorial takyah nak MC2. Can just do a make-up! :p ). Skali tu, I saw this sign “THE CLINIC TODAY IS VERY CROWDED. THE AVERAGE WAITING TIME IS 3 HOURS. PLEASE COME BACK AGAIN LATER OR AT ANOTHER DAY. ALTERNATIVELY, YOU CAN GO TO THESE CLINICS NEARBY”.
Haiihhh. I definitely can’t come at another day, and the other clinics mahal la kan (sebab actually bukan sakit ape sangat pun. Fatigue je. So macam tak worth it:p ). So I stayed on. So masuk la, confident terus pegi counter, took out my IC.
“Yes?”, the lady at the counter asked.
“Erm.. I wanna see the doctor?”
“Ya ok. Take a number la?”
“Ohh. Erm.. Where do I take it from?”
“There lor” *points at the machine just a few steps away behind me and giving me that selenger-nye-kau punye look*
Suke2 je eh. Orang queue ramai2, then came Miss Hannah going straight up to the counter. Haiih.
“Asal ni lambat naaah? Orang da sakit perot nii. Nak pi toileet. Why isn’t my number being called at the dispensing counter dari tadi nii? “
-1 hr later-
“Ehh. Da tinggal berapa orang aje ni.. Orang2 blakang counter pun sume da balek. Tinggal satu je yang kat dalam. Asal tak panggel 2555??? “
“Erm, excuse me, can I know why isn’t my number being called yet?”
“There’s nothing in the box what. Where’s your prescription?”
“Ohh. You mean I have to put my prescription in this box is it?”
“Ya la!” *grumbling to her friend inside* “Never put prescription in the box, ask why never call her number!”
AHHH. Malu okeyy. Slenger kan? ): And I wasted an hour just like that! Kalau lah tanya siang2! ):
But cannot blame me jugak la kan. The last time I was there was years ago. And tadi I was alone. Tsk tsk.
Or maybe it’s because of my assignments. Dah berduyun2 nak terrorise over my life dah.
Doakan ye semua (:
P/s: Miss Farna and Dhuha, hoping you girls are doing well over there. My prayers are always with you. Hafizakumallah. Miss you girls much. Mmuah! (:
yusuf said,
October 11, 2008 at 3:39 pm
the issue that you brought up on mahram-ness of uncles, aunties and cousins is interesting and did to some extent answer some of mine “querying ” mind on this issue. Guess sometime the pull of the Malay adat is just too great on our society. Tak salam nanti kira kurang ajar…ikes….it takes time to educate society i guess. :P
ummsofiyyah said,
October 11, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Salaam Yusuf :)
True, very true. The conflict between adat and agama.. In many issues, ramai yang tak sedar mana yang adat mana yang agama. That, or we tend to prioritise adat more.
Wallahu a’lam. :)
rhafizon said,
October 11, 2008 at 4:13 pm
kadang kadang juga… makcik yang menghulurkan tangan. mungkin ramai sangat org dalam rumah sampai makcik tak perasan. tak salam pula macam serba salah. hmm, what i do selalunya ialah, stay away from the dapur. bagi kaum lelaki lah. kalau yang wanita pula duduk lah diam diam di dapur ye. ini mungkin dapat mengelakkan dari confusion. pendapat kita yang tidak seberapa…
ohh… selenge juga awak ye… ingatkan kita sahaja yang selenge.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 11, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Betul betul betul.
Im quite lucky sebab my mother’s siblings sume lelaki. So I do not have this conflict ah eh. Hehe.
Actually ya, this whole serba salah thingy. Is there a way we can go about it? Like, kalau kita cakap dengan sebaik-baik mungkin, boleh tak? Wouldn’t that be a form of da’wah too?
Actually cadangan awak sungguh brilliant. Kalau staying away from/ or in the dapur is a proven way we can elak these things, maybe for those yang belum ready nak cakap dgn makcik pakcik tu can take up hafiz’s suggestion. Hehe.
HAHAHA. Kurang masin betul awak eh. Mentang2 APEX da habes. :p
Oh btw, ahlan :)
Aisya-K said,
October 11, 2008 at 6:49 pm
yo hannah! hehe. amacam? dpt MC tk..? :)
yeah btl2.. science lecey eh. tp interesting kn :P and abt mahram2 thingy tu.. YEAH.. org byk naaaa salah hukum. Someone that I know whom I look up to and byk buat amal ibadah, mase raye aritu, dia kata blh salam sepupu lelaki. and I was like, waaat? nk betolkn dia dpn org, tkt dia malu pulak.coz.. dia da tua.. so I just went silent..) me & my sis bila nmpk sepupu lelaki ktrg buat bodo je. as in ktrg tk tgk drg psl segan & mmg tk rapat pon. so drg mmg automatic x salam psl ktrg nmpk tk frenly. lol.
azharistic said,
October 12, 2008 at 12:36 am
It’s interesting how you are actually able to use a single title that fits well with both sections of your entry! =) a long awaited post indeed!!
With regards to that medical institute you are referring to, its really, i guess something that we need, as a community to have some civic-consciousness. After all, this medical institute is meant to cater to the lower income individuals. I did a position paper in Year 1, to come up with some solutions to tackle the problem of the long queues. But I guess the paper ends at the hands of the tutor.
My group actually went down to the ground to (i) observe the system and (ii) to have a feel of what every patient goes through. Lo and behold, on a typical day, the waiting hour was 2hr and 16mins! I mean, let’s say you are really sick, a flu for example, or a bad diarrhea, you can’t even sit there in such a crowded place of 30 mins.
And the system is really not simple enough for the masses. I suppose that CISCO officer is still there to “jaga”, and the counter people just station themselves there and everything else is supposed to be well understood and implemented by everyone!
Its definitely a manpower issue. And the fact that there are so many people there means that polyclinics are here to stay.
So, I guess people like yourself, Nurhannah who insha allah at the rate you are going, is gonna be a very influential person/leader of our society to not forget about our lower income people and to implement measures to tackle this issue. =)!
Probable ways is to engage the private sector doctors to these clinics via a “CIP” programme, with incentives etc.. Maybe we can find ways to communicate with the ministries right now?
ok, see ya! And to Norhafix: our slenger club seems to be growing rapidly in membership, waaaaa…. hahahahaha
redtide said,
October 12, 2008 at 12:47 am
Salaam..
yea, this issue has been ongoing.. its up to us to try educate them uh.. sometimes things are made more complicated by some people who strongly believes and are too used to traditions.. but we still have to try
don’t worry, we all have our selenge moments.. =)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 4:00 am
Wsalam.
Helo aisyah (: Dapat, tapi untuk Saturday, not Friday ):
Interesting ke? Subjective, subjective d:
Hahaha. Wah garangnye u n ur sis. For me, alhamdulillah, my cousins semua paham. I kinda think we have to start it ah. Once kita tak salam dorang, they won’t hulur tangan for us to salam them anymore.
Yang pasal nak tegur orang tua tu memanglah tersangat payah kan. I was thinking about it (semangat eh piker semalam! Hahah) semalam. Besides duduk kat dapur mcm Hafiz suggested, why not, bila pakcik/makcik nak salam tu, we just, buat yg cm Thailand nye greeting tu and then like ask his/her khabar and just strike a small conversation with her. Jadi macam takde mcm awkward silence or whatever. Haha. I dunoe. What do u think, psychologist? Would it help in reducing the unhappiness that he/she might feel towards us? Yang pasti, once kita tak salam dorang, they will get the message ah I think.
Tapi untuk dielakkan dr kata sombong, I think we should make an effort to actually talk to these pakciks/makciks. At least tanya khabar or what. So they know it’s not because kita sombong dengan dorang.. And afterall, they are our relatives yang perlu dieratkan hubungan silaturrahim juga kan(:
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 4:10 am
Wahaha.
Azhar, you’re the only one so fa who dedicated a whole comment on the 2nd part of my post. Hihi!
My title fits both parts of entry? Hahaha. Azhar, you’re a deep person. So memang paham benda2 ‘deep’. Haha*winks*
Wah really. You did a paper on that? Hebat hebat.
YES YES. The CISCO was still there. You know, after everything, I da nak kelua la. The CISCO was at the door. I could see that he ALMOST wanted to hold the door for me but then decided against it. So he just said “ok bubye”. Maybe dia rasa if he does dat, it will be seen as something unbefitting of him as a CISCO officer. So he wants to make sure I know that he’s not there to hold doors for people. Haha. Of course I know that, tapi apa la salahnye kan?
Yes. The part yang everyone is expected to know how to do things is quite interesting. I kept thinking to myself, everyone here is already socialised to know what to do next. It’s a rather complicated process kalau nak compare to the private clinics.
Hahaha. Influential ehhh? InsyaAllah. (:
Eh ape eh slenge club. I’m not joining. No no no d:
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 4:12 am
wsalam.
True. But of course, bilhikmah is an important component of da’wah kan?:D
Haha. Thanks. But my slenge moment was time-wasting too! Haih. Hehe.
eusof said,
October 12, 2008 at 5:11 am
=)
anonymous said,
October 12, 2008 at 10:09 am
well then i recently got “sindih” by my “makcik” for not salam-ing her. so…. well then we are not alone in this are we? my suggestion write a column in berita harian… ahahkz
p.s. welcome to polyclinic. where either u come at 7am and pick the first number once the door open or wrestle with the old foggies to get the first number…. ahakz….get well soon.
p.s.s its not science module. its just bio… shesshhh
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 10:15 am
hehe. kene sindir eh. kesian awak. takpe, sabar je ye. hehe:)
Write to berita harian eh? Heheh. wah, ape kata awak tulis? hehe:)
polyclinic eh. but maybe sesuai la dengan harganya la kan :)
it’s just bio eh. haha. ok ok sorry (you must be a science student kan!). I just do not have the flair for hard sciences. Hehe:)
Thanks for commenting anonymous. Selamat hari raye:)
eusof said,
October 12, 2008 at 11:34 am
okay about the salam-ing part, time and again i have talked to our dearest friend, Syuyukh (plural of respect for sheikh, correct me if i am not right) Rizhan about shaking hands with non-mahrams.
And i think he did well in explaining to me and giving me the fatwa by Dr Yusuf Qaradhawi on this matter.
Nonetheless i don’t take any sides. I am just being practical and try to do things in full wisdom, as far as i mampu ah. (kadang2 tak sabar, terus naik angin jugak. yakni tegur orang sampai orang marah dan tak leh terime.)
Anyways the extract of the fatwa is here:
http://eusof.multiply.com/journal/item/1/Shaking_Hands_with_Women_An_Islamic_Perspective
May you benefit from it.
eusof said,
October 12, 2008 at 11:45 am
about the waiting time at the polyclinic, i sympathize with those who need immediate medical attention.
I agree with azhar, dan org2 yg sewaktu dgnnye, that polyclinics are for lower income people.
My solution to this is for us to go to private clinics. And to do that i urge everyone to be rich so that you can afford such facilities and services. Let us not burden the poor further by taking away their rights.
Like i’m always told time and again by my mentors: It is the rich who gives to the poor. So, if you are poor what can you give away (i.e. contribute to others) ?
May we be blessed with ultimate wealth (=love, health and harta) to help our fellow poor muslims all around the world. Sesungguhnya kemiskinan itu hampir dgn kekufuran.
Wallahu ‘alam.
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Alamak. You sound so serious. Taking away their rights eh? I see, I see. Interesting :)
Thank you for your comments. I’ll get back to your earlier comment in my next post, insyaAllah :)
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Anyway eusof, ada eh pakai syuyukh? Oh intereting. Tak pernah dengar. I only know we do use antum and fi’il in that dhomir as a form of respect.. Tapi tak pernah tau pulak syaikh pun tukar jadi syuyukh.. interesting.. ! :)
jelot said,
October 12, 2008 at 4:26 pm
hahahahahaha selenge nampak, selenge nampakkkk :P
ummsofiyyah said,
October 12, 2008 at 4:28 pm
THANKS EH. eleh kau pon mesti same kalau kau di tempat aku ye :p
dhuha said,
October 15, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Missing u also laa sis … Doakan yang trbaik untuk kitorg. Sihat jasad n jiwa nak teruskan langkah kat bumi mesir ni . All the best to u k ! love u loadz! … erm… n… dun miss me !! heh bcoz if u miss me then i miss u , then u miss me again then i miss u again .. bila nak game kan? :|
ummsofiyyah said,
October 15, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Ameen ameen ameen!
Hahaha. oh tak boleh eh. Fine, I shall keep it to myself then:p
Love you too! Very much! Take good care of yourselves k. Jaga diri.. jaga health.. kau especially eh. :)
ilalliqa’ insyaAllah. tahun depan balek k korg k? :)