Wow. A month of Ramadhan has just passed. Cepatnya masa berlalu. Macam tak rasa. Looking back, I know I have not been utilising my time fully. I have been negligent in one way or another. I did not take full advantage of Ramadhan being the month of forgiveness, the month of blessings and the month in which there exists a night called the Al-Qadar.

1. By Al-’Asr (the time).

2. Verily! Man is in loss,

3. Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience.

How true, how true. :(

To all of you whom I know personally, please do forgive me for all the sins that I’ve committed towards you all, be it intentional or not. I hope we can push aside whatever enmity, discontentment, unhappiness and whathaveyous, once and for all. Do allow me to leave this Holy month of Ramadhan free of sins from all of you..

Hari raya jemputlah datang ke rumah:D Sorry ah tak sempat nak hantar kad. Tapi ucapan raya ni tetap tulus ikhlas from the very bottom of my heart :)

And to the rest of you gracious readers, ‘eid mubarak! May we be blessed with better iman and taqwa, and may we resolve whatever unhappiness that we had throughout the year with the coming of Syawal, insyaAllah. Happy happy raya everybody!:)

Caution: Guys, you might want to avoid reading this post altogether as it might cause you to squirm and nauseate. :D

We had an iftar session at Madrasah Irsyad just a few hours ago. They invited the students, their families and those affiliated to the school too. So there we were, breaking our fast dalam kegelapan malam yang diterangi lampu2 colok and some spotlights.. Dilindungi pokok2 rendang, disapa angin2 sepoi bahasa..

Haha. I’m feeling the feeling yo~

As we were eating, we saw a couple (suami isteri, mind you!). I think the husband is an ustaz. Wah so sweet ok. They were like teasing each other. Macam making faces at each other and happily laughing. I was like smiling to myself and I told the girls about it. They all went awww.

Then kejap lagi lagi satu couple pulak eh. You know what the husband did? He took his cup, drank from it, and then he asked his wife to drink from it ehh. Macam affectionately offering it to her with such a sincere smile on his face.. And he held her arm with his left hand as she drank from the cup from his right hand. Then dekatkan muka bebual2 and giggling2 eh. I’m not lying, you can all ask Hamiza coz she saw it too. And in case you’re wondering, no we didn’t spy on people ok. They were sitting betul2 depan kite, that’s why! Betul! And why are they acting like that? We suspect that it must have been the somewhat romantic setting.. Under the (invisible) stars, lampu colok (it’s all in the lampu!) surrounding them.. Haha. I dunoe. Speculate2 only.

And so I was reminded of the verses in Quran..

“Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect.” (Ar-Ruum : 21)

“You shall treat them (the wives) nicely. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good. “(An-Nisaa’:19)

And the Propeht’s hadeeth..

“The best among you are those who are the best towards his family members (in treating them).”

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Before breaking our fast, we were sitting around together.. Then I saw this super cute boy. He was sitting in front of us, with his mum. Very fair, with the cheeks memboyoting (you know I have a HUGE weakness when it comes to such kids).. And his eyes.. Cannot tahan. Can melt. And really, I couldn’t help but to stare and stare at him. I couldn’t take my eyes off him! But what caught my eyes too, was the way his mother attended to him. MasyaAllah, it was in all gentleness, in a very demure manner.. She fed him gently and very patiently, smiling at him so warmly everytime he looked at her, stroking his head occassionally and checking on him every now and then. I know that’s how mothers treat their children in general, but it was just something about that lady which mesmerised even me. MasyaAllah. I am in awe.

I kept telling the girls how I wanna kidnap him and slobber him with kisses, and Hamiza was saying how it will be dark soon so it will facilitate my plan.. She’s very naughty right, giving me all those ideas. Tsk tsk. But really ah, I kept looking at him sampailah this group of girls sat in between us and him and I got very upset coz I couldn’t have a full view of him. *saaad*

Then it was time for maghrib prayers and the mother and son stood up and they walked towards my direction. Being hannah, ape lagi.. I grabbed the opportunity to touch his cheeks la! “Cik, saya suke sangat tengok anak cik..” I told the mum (Macam stalker, I know! I’m sorry but I have been deprived of this for a very long time and that evil clown just had to make me jealous yesterday with dia punye stories dapat main dengan budak2 cute. TSK.). The mother laughed gently, and then it striked me. She looked soo familiar. And guess what. She was my ustazah! An ustazah who was so gentle and caring towards me, but whom I have not met for a very long time. I sure miss her a lot:) And I kissed her hands and hugged her.

And then proceeded to kissing her son. Hahahaha. Opportunist, I know, but you can’t blame me because he’s super cute la (farna bibi can verify for me!)!

But really, the meeting left a deep impact on me. She’s waited for years for this, and she has finally gotten it. It’s God’s gift for her indeed. An absolutely beautiful gift and I believe and I’ll always pray for her, that it has been a gift worth waiting for. :)

“All He needs to do to carry out any command is to say to, “Be,” and it is. Therefore, glory be to the One in whose hand is the sovereignty over all things, and to Him you will be returned” (Yaasin :82-83)

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

During isya’ time, there was a father just at the saff in front of us (we were at the first muslimah saff and he at the last muslimin saff). He was carrying his son while praying. I couldn’t help but feel warm inside. I dunoe eh, it’s just something about a parent dukung anak time solat for me. Especially fathers. Hahaha. I dunoe why, dun ask me please. So ok, sampai habis isya’ sume, it was tarawih time. The father tried to ask his son to sit on the floor while he perform the prayers, but the son protested. Dia macam merengek2, clung on to his dad and placed his head on his shoulder (again, warm feeling inside. haha!). So the father stopped asking, kissed his son’s forehead and sat down instead (He performed tarawih while sitting down). Tu pun his son did not want to let go of him.. So he hugged his son protectively with his left hand while doing takbir and ape2 sume with his right.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ :D

“We enjoined the human being to honor his parents. His mother bore him, and the load got heavier and heavier. It takes two years (of intensive care) until weaning. You shall be appreciative of Me, and of your parents. To Me is the ultimate destiny.” (Luqman:14)

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Then it was tarawih time. During the last rakaat of witir, the imam recited the qunuut. Seriously, that was my longest qunuut seh. Maybe not as long as Imam Sudais ke sape2 (I always watch them on youtube and berangan tak habes2 nak jadi ma’mum dorang :)), but it was quite long. And the way the imam read it, you could feel that he was feeling the du’a, and it was infectious. Macam betul2 merintih; asking for forgiveness, asking for liberation from the hellfire, asking for the beautiful jannah as the permanent abode, asking for guidance, asking for safety and many many more.

Then during tazkirah, he quoted a hadeeth qudsi in which there was a dialogue between God and the angels (please correct me if the hadeeth is not authentic, for I am not sure of its status). Basically, it’s about how human beings have never been able to see God, but some of them continue to believe in Him, and perform His orders and stay away from His prohibitions. And the angels said if only we were able to see God, we will slog day and night just to get close to Him.

Basically the hadeeth striked me because it triggered a point I’ve always had in my head. It definitely takes a lot for someone to love God – a Supreme Being whom we’ve never seen before, never listened to, never talked to.. But lucky are those who manage to do so because the love for Allah is the greatest love of all, for He’s the Ar-rahmaan and ar-Rahiim.

“When My servants ask you about Me, (then tell them) I am always near. I answer their prayers when they pray to Me. The people shall respond to Me and believe in Me, in order to be guided.” (AlBaqarah : 186)

“Mu’mins (believers) are those who believe in GOD and His messenger, then attain the status of having no doubt whatsoever, and strive with their money and their lives in the cause of GOD. These are the truthful ones. ” (AlHujurat:15)

and the hadeeth..

Dari Anas ra, dari Nabi saw. bersabda, “Tiga perkara jika kalian memilikinya, maka akan didapati manisnya iman. (Pertama) orang yang menjadikan Allah dan Rasul-Nya lebih dicintai dari selainnya. (Kedua) agar mencintai seseorang semata-mata karena Allah swt. (Ketiga), tidak senang kembali kapada kekufuran setelah diselamatkan oleh Allah swt, sebagaimana ketidak-senangannya dilempar ke dalam api neraka.” (HR Bukhar Muslim dengan redaksi Muslim)

Can I strive to love Allah and Rasul more than anything else in the whole world?

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

And then lastly, we had our salam2 session. Nothing was said, but upon hugging each other, tears just fell from our eyes.. We hugged each other tightly and cried on each other’s shoulders. It was just beautiful in its own way.. I love you all, sisters(:

Two hadeeth of the Prophet saw..

“Gambaran orang-orang beriman dalam hal saling mencintai, saling mengasihi, dan saling berempat di antara sesama mereka adalah laksana satu tubuh, jika ada sebagian dari anggota tubuh yang sakit, maka seluruh anggota tubuh akan ikut merintih, merasakan demam, dan tak dapat tidur.”

“A person is not said to have believed till he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”

*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
 

Haih.. With so many (HALAL) love energy buzzing around, how can I resist its charm?

Irsyad, I’m in love (:

Whoa. This Ramadhan is realllllly about patience for me.

Quite some time ago, I was sitting down at the bus stop, waiting for bus 5 to come. Suddenly, a man came, in his jogging attire and sat beside me. There was a gap between us, of course. So I was just minding my own business when he sneezed towards me/digged his nose and flicked his treasures at me (can’t remember what it was, but it definitely was disgusting). I remembered SMILING and moved away slightly to create a BIGGER gap. So then I slipped back into my own world of thoughts, when suddenly I felt something poking at my left thigh. So I looked down.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was his trainer-clad LEFT foot!!! Dia macam sengaja kena-kena kan the tip of his left foot dekat my thigh. I quickly stood up and went to the other end of the bus stop, feeling shocked and angry.

So the bus finally came and to my surprise, he hopped on the bus too.

So YESTERDAY, I was waiting for the bus again. I sat beside an Indian uncle. There was quite a gap between us. Suddenly, I saw the man again! It has been months since I first saw him, but the moment I did, I could immediately recognise him. But this time around, he was in his office wear (but not smart SMART kind of office wear. A bit.. I don’t know). I saw him heading straight to the gap in between me and the uncle. I was just about to move to the other end of the bench when he quickly moved towards me and STEPPED on my left foot!

You see lah! I was fasting you know!

I quickly stood up, feeling verrrryyy angry and went to stand among some people at the bus stop. Then I saw 22 coming. Yay, I thought. Then to my horror, I saw him standing up and walking towards me again! I was like, one more step towards me and I’m gonna shout my head off. So luckily dia patah balik and duduk while I quickly hopped on the bus.

I wonder why on earth would he do all those things to me? Is it towards me alone or towards all who put on the headscarf, probably? I don’t know. Yang penting, I was so pissed off that I almost cursed him under my breath la. heeh. But alhamdulillah I didn’t. :)

**************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I don’t know what’s his problem. I believe that he knows by doing so, he is offending me if not insulting. I’ve always respected him as a friend, and we’ve always talked things out. In fact, it wasn’t the first time he did such a thing, he has done it numerous times before and I’ve always approached him and talked to him about it. Being the friend whom I used to know, he was apologetic and would admit that he was being tactless and everything would be solved.

But I am really preplexed at his lack of tact this time around. It seems to me that he has this agenda and he’s driving his points home. I have been keeping my silence. People around me have been saying that it makes no point to confront him YET AGAIN. It seems that he might say that it’s over and all, but a few months down the road, up comes another offending move; probably more lethal than ever. But really, he is provoking even this silence of mine. I don’t get it. He knows that I would have a lot to say about this, and he knows that his words would hurt me so. He knows it, he knows it. But he still chose to go with it. In this month of Ramadhan. Allahul musta’aan.

We’ve always been aware of the fundamental differences between us. But to me, these differences are the differences I come across every single day, every single time. We’ve talked about this, and we’ve agreed that we might have our differences, but we’re not going to lose friendship over this – we’ve agreed to respect each other. And as far as I’m concerned, I have never voiced out to him, directly OR INDIRECTYLY,  on how I think HIS beliefs and inclinations are less superior than mine, or that he should repent and come back on to the ‘right path’ or so on. He’s a friend, and I respect him for that. He is a man who knows the value of a Muslimah and is passionate when it comes to Islam. And the both of us know that we share common insights on how certain things should be done and he knows that I’m among the few who agree with him. And all along, that is the thing that I’ve looked up to him for, for being a friend who used to respect me a lot; and so he gained my mutual respect. And for being a friend who has a firm stand on issues that might be deemed as conservative and backward by those around him.

I am definitely for discussions. But let it be a professional one; one which both parties could develop their points and understand that there is no need to get too emotional over the issue. But maybe to some, I am not fit for such a discussion, or I can never hold one. Toyyib. :)

Ramadhan is a month for patience and forgiveness. I must bear that in mind. So to that apek, I forgive you ok. Just please don’t do it again or I really would have to shout. And to that friend.. I am going to take it that whatever you’ve done was never meant to offend me, but is part of your intellectual pursuit for the Truth. Just please, do exercise some thoughts for me and others who share my views. Afterall, da’wah is always bilhikmah.

Khair, insyaAllah.

Hokeyy. I’m gonna sms him and ask him about something. Something that we both share an interest in:)

Ramadhan mubarak everyone. May we all have a blessed Ramadhan. :)

So the relaunch was today.. And hamdan lillah, despite the few hiccups, I think we are all overall happpy with the result:)

Please allow me to thank all the special individuals who were part of the whole event..

Kak Aisyah: Kak, I don’t know if you read this, but thank you soo much for agreeing to come and do the short and sweet presentation for us. Your presence was greatly appreciated. It feels great to have one of the pioneers coming down and witnessing the event with us. And a thousand thanks for the help with the ppt slides. You’re my saviour! Jazaakillahu khairan kathiira!:)

Mayam: Your professionalism has guided us much. Thank you for being patient and my apologies if I’ve irritated you with my lack of experience. Hehe. But it has been a joy working with you, Yayam. You’re certainly the backbone for this project. Looking forward to more collaborations :) And ooohhh, the pengat was niceee!:)

Banu: Banu oh Banu, what would we have done without you? Thank you very much for sponsoring the event, thank you for taking the food from Pasir Ris and Bedok to Clementi and then to Jurong East and back to Clementi again. Brape banyak duit minyak la kene bayar tu eh. Terima kasih banyak-banyak. Semoga Allah melapangkan rezkimu dengan selapang-lapangnya, insyaAllah. And thank you too for opening the event with your beautiful rendition of surah Al-Qiyamah, and jadi imam for our maghrib and tarawih prayers :)

Cekza: Thank you untuk kain2 kau yang telah kau bawak. Kalau tak, makan sume tak beralas la nampaknye. Hihi. Oh dan juga kek pandan kau yang kau potong dengan begitu ganas (remember the pisau incident?). Hehe:p And thank you for carrying out your “Food and Logistics” duties well during the event. Haha:p And thank you for being willing to still attend the meeting di hari kau muntah2 dan sakit perot tu. :D thanks jugak sebab jadi imam untuk isya’ :)

Biba: Bibz, thank you for your jellies, thank you for taking care of the slides during the presentations (walaupun.. ahh. you know i know we ALL yang came know :p ). Thank you jugak sebab jadi ’secretary’ aku kejap kat CLBC tadi. Kihkihkih. And thank you sebab pinjamkan hp kau untuk dijadikan radio. Hehe :)

Aisya: Syaa.. Thank you very very much sebab sya telah menyediakan semua paper plate, mangkuk, sudu garpu dan yang sewaktu dengannya. And the nuggets were delicious! And thank you tau sebab sya banyak layan hannah nye merepek2. Hehe :D

Diy: Diyy. Thank you soo much for your enthusiastic support, and helping us out with the planning. And thank yoouu for the fruit punch and paper cups. Kesian awak bawa berat2. And thank you berbanyak thank you for performing your duties as the “F&L manager” very very well! Hehehe. Jazaakillah ya ‘aziizati. Hopefully, our dreams will materialise one day, insyaAllah:)

Temah/Petom (according to preference): Makcik, mekaseh banyak2 for getting your mum to cook for us the delicious but very cheap nasi ayam. Semoga Allah balas jasa-jasa mak kau tu ye:) And thanks A LOT for helping Diy with the F&L tadi. And and Thank you lah kau sudi make your way there lepas keje :D

Rau: Awaaak. The girl with 3 hps:p Thank you yang teramat for agreeing to help us out with the event despite your sakit perot (hope it’s better now, ameen). Awaklah yang teman kita ke hulu ke hilir sewaktu semua orang sibuk dengan tugas masing2. Thank you sebab tolong buatkan slides untuk the translation of the verses, transferring the Quran, angkat2 benda, siap2kan benda.. Thank you so much k? And thanks for the kek pisang and chilli sauce. Thank you on behalf of the committee and a personal thanks to you from me :) It was really great having you around dear :)

Farna Sultan: Thank you for coming with Banu and wearing black jugak walaupun tak sengaja. Haha. And sorry for kidnapping you from Banu so that you can help us in setting up the thing. Thank you for helping me and Raudhah to transfer the Quran. Berpeluh2 kan kita. Sampai curi aircon kat cheers la, students’ lounge la.. hihi. But really, thanks k:) And oh yeah, thanks sebab habeskan chilli sauce. haha:D

*and thank you to the one who brought the muffins.. tak tau siapa uh.. sorry:(

And to the rest who made time to come despite your hectic schedules..

Suli

Ain

Syamim

Izyan

Khairi

Izzati

Aisyah PD

Jumayah

Syidah

Farna (finally dapat jumpa!:) )

Sofiah

Nadiah

Maya (Thanks for making your way all the way to NUS, and thanks yang tak terhingga sebab sudi jadi bilal undangan kita.. Bilal import dr SIM seh, jangan main2:p)

Syazana

Aisyah Kusairi (walaupun sesaat)

Haha.. Yes, I remember ok! Touching tak I make it a point to personally remember sape2 yang datang? Kihkihkih. :p But really, thank you girls for making this event a satisfying one for me. To me it was a bonding session as well, especially bile tgh pack2 makanan tu kan.. kecoh-rable, but fun! And most of you stayed for tarawih, so thank you again. I hope you will all enjoy your tasmi’aat sessions as much as we do. Please feel free to feedback anything to us ya? :) My apologies for the slight delay but you were girls were so understanding and even gotong-royong helped us lagi.. So sweet. Thanks tau? Jazaakunnallu khairal jazaa’!!

P/s:  I can’t do a proper tribute without thanking the two guys involved kan?:p

        So to Noorhafiz, thank you for helping us to take the Mashafs from the guys’ arts musolla and helping us to transfer it to YIH! Thank you many2!:)

        And to Aizat, thank you soo much for setting up the projector for us.. Jazaakallhu khairan. Thanks a lot ya:)

This is a song which I used to like to listen to when I was younger. It’s a nasyeed by in-team. Da lama tak dengar. But rasanya macam banyak gitu the words I’ve heard, the ramblings in blogs and e-mails read.. which all reminded me of the lyrics to this song. Maybe we forget that it’s Ramadhan now. Or maybe memang during Ramadhan ni ujian dia lagi severe ke? :) ‘Ala kulli haal, addressing myself first, and then to you guys out there, here’s a good reminder for us all.. :)

MANIS BICARA INDAH TUTUR KATA

TAK SEINDAH RUPA PENGERTIANNYA

Lembutnya lidah mengata nista

Lidah yang tiada bertulang

Mengadu domba serta menfitnah sesame saudara

Terkadang aku berfikir sendirian

Perlukah amarahku dibiar terus menyala

Membakar membara dengan rasa banga

Mencela mereka dengan kata-kata

Kata ibarat pedang yang tajamnya bisa membunuh lawan

Kata-kata yang berhikmah menyedarkan kita

Kata madah pujangga bisa menjadi pedoman manusia

Jagalah bahasa kata kita

Jangan disalah-guna

Yang indah, yang indah itu bahasa

Yang cantik, yang cantik budi pekerti

Yang merah itu saga

Yang kurik itu kendi

Yang indah itu bahasa

Yang cantik budi pekerti

Terkadang aku, mentaksir manusia

Kurniaan tuhan telah banyak dikhianati

Mencerca menghina dustanya bicara

Menyusun nista dengan kata-kata

Terlajak perahu masih boleh diundur lagi

Terlajak kata buruk padahnya

Terlajak perahu masih boleh diundur lagi

TERLAJAK KATA HILANG PERCAYA..

     ************************************************************************************************************************************************

So, taking this opportunity, I would like to apologise to every single one of you if I’ve ever offended you in any way. Be it through my actions, or my words, or simply THE LACK OF IT – I am utterly very sorry. I might have been tactless in the past, and I sincerely beg the forgiveness of those who have been victimzed by it. Aasif..

And being someone who has sinned a lot, but has not done much to accumulate merits, talking about someone would only give away whatever little good deeds I have accumulated to the person I’m talking about. Not exactly a good idea, isn’t it? :D

If I can’t get myself to stop talking bad about someone, I must remind myself of this hadeeth :

“barangsiapa yang beriman kepada Allah dan hari akhirat maka hendaklah ia berkata yang baik atau diam”

AW LIYASMUT. AW LIYASMUT.

Or I shall put myself in her shoes.. Would I like to be talked about the way I’m talking about her? How would I feel? Would it incur my wrath?

If she were to know about it, would she be able to forgive me? What if she won’t? Nak tanggung kat akhirat? Oh, tak sanggup tak sanggup.

And I have to remind myself that Allah has blessed me with the 5 senses and akal yang sihat not to go around making snide remarks about people or making witty wicked jokes about them or work my brain neurons to analyse pasal orang lain punye life (kalau betul ngumpat kalau salah fitnah.. right?) .

Jadi dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki, diharapkan sudi memaafkan segala salah dan silap, baik yang disengajakan mahupun tidak. Allah saje yang dapat membalas keluhuran hati antum semua yang sudi maafkan. Jazaakumullahu khairal jazaa’. 

HOPE TO SEE YOU LOVELY LADIES THERE! :) (click on picture to enlarge)

What is Tasmi’aat?

 A group initiated by Sister Marjianah ( while she was still an undergraduate) to inculcate the spirit of reading The Quran among the Muslimah undergraduates. We at Tasmi’aat are looking for sisters who share the love we have for The Quran to conduct at least a once every two weeks of Tasmi’aat sessions.

But what if I can’t read fluently?

Then you’re exactly the person we’re looking for! It is our personal goal in Tasmi’aat to help those who would love to read The Quran but are not yet fluent in reading it.

But.. I don’t feel comfortable in reading in large groups..

Don’t you worry about that! Every Tasmi’aat session will only consist of one or two of us in the Tasmi’aat committee, and a few of the other sisters who have registered for that particular session. It will just be a small group of sisters who have come together to better their reading too. So don’t worry! (:

But I’m still uncomfortable..

Ahh. Then we have got just the solution for you! You can request to have a personal, one-to-one session with one of us in Tasmi’aat! So it will be only the two of you in that particular Tasmi’aat session. Time and venue will be at the convenience of you and the sister. (:

What if I can’t come weekly or every other week?

No problem! Tasmi’aat sessions are very flexible and it is in our interest to help ensure that you can come at the time convenient to you (:

 I am already a fluent reader.

Ahlan, sister! We more than welcome you to join us in conducting the Tasmi’aat sessions! (:

What else can I look forward to?

The new committee hopes to make the Tasmi’aat session not just a reading one, but also an ‘usrah’ session where we can all share some background information or simply personal experiences related to the verses. We definitely hope it will be very much a bonding session between the sisters too! (:

Do I need to pay?

No of course you don’t. Your du’as for us will be nice, though (:

So what should I do now?

Ahhh.. Do come down for our event this Friday to know more about Tasmi’aat! Iftar will be provided, and we even have an optional tarawih session later. It will be all girls, so we can all get to know each other better. We’re sure it will be nice! (:

 What if I can’t make it?

Fret not! You can always contact Amira or Zahira (refer to poster), or you can contact me personally at nurhannah@hotmail.com.

So what are you waiting for sisters? Come share and spread the love we all have for The Quran, and the love we have for each other too! (:

Ilalliqa’! (:

And she continues her musings..

     *********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

For a period of time, she had wanted to give in.. She believed that she would know how to take good care of herself; she believed that she would not sin this way.. She’s just too full of herself, that girl.

But, can she really develop a relationship with someone without sinning, AT ALL? Of course she can, she told herself. Wait, screamed her head. She can do away with the physical contact, but is that all that she needs to be wary of? She closed her eyes and sought deep, deep inside. Who was she kidding? She knows herself. Her iman is not strong. Unlike the rest of her friends, she is spiritually weak and she has committed numerous sins. So she knew then that she had no choice – she had to stay away from a huge potential outlet of sin. She wouldn’t want to keep ‘Atid busy.

 She pondered over what her friend has said to her, that she needs to put in effort in looking for THE ONE. She was reminded of a verse in surah an-nuur..

“The bad women for the bad men, and the bad men for the bad women, and the good women for the good men, and the good men for the good women.”

That’s God’s promise, she told herself. A good woman will find a good man, and vice versa..

So her friend’s right! She needs to give her all in putting in the effort to find THE ONE for her. Yes, she needs to improve on herself. She needs to be fillial, to be kind, to be dutiful, to be responsible, to be someone who guards her chastity well.. She will have to put it in every single ounce of her into this determining effort, so as to be able to find the man of her dreams. How well she fares in this effort will determine her ultimate prize by Allah. She nodded her head. A good woman for a good man, she kept repeating to herself. How then, can a bad woman dream of getting a good man if she makes no effort in being good herself? So yes, to find THE IDEAL ONE for her, she needs to put in great effort to be THE IDEAL ONE herself.

 She looked back at her mudirah’s speech. “Konon dia jaga awak.. padahal dia yang rosakkan awak.”

That ‘dia’ could be her. She might think that by being with him, she would be able to take good care of him, when in actual fact, she might bring more damage to him than anything else. And THAT tore her apart. If she were to love someone, why would she be the one who would cause him to sin? She felt like crying at the thought of it. Her wish is to be someone who will be able to be the pillar of strength and support for her loved one, to be the one who spurs him to do good deeds, to glorify God and uphold Islam.. So being the one who would cause him to sin, no matter how small the sin is, is a taboo for her.

Besides, she pacified herself, Allah will take good care of him. Who else would be able to care for a makhluq better than the Creator Himself? So, she told herself again, if she loves someone, she’ll leave him in Allah’s care. And perhaps, Allah will allow her to give her all in taking good care of him one day. Perhaps.

 She thought about her friend’s concern on her being left on the shell. She laughed. How sweet, but she knows that if it’s not meant to be, then no matter how much she exposes and promote herself, she will end up an old maid still. But if that particular someone is meant for her, then even if she’s at the other end of the world, he’ll find his way there.

Which brings us to her next point.

She now has more faith in her teacher’s advice. Yes, she thinks that, her teacher is most probably right. If she happens to love someone, it might be wise to let him go. Oh wait, he’s not hers in the first place. Haha. But you get the point. And if he is THE ONE she has been waiting for all her life, then somewhere along the road, their paths shall meet again. It’s like, if fate has decreed, then when a man starts having plans to build his own home, he’ll know that that one particular woman is the most important component in building the home he has long envisioned of. And he’ll do what it takes to find her; and he WILL find her, God willing. She knows that it seems like she’s romanticising everything, but fate has its wonders, you know.

What if fate decrees otherwise, you ask. Then she takes comfort in knowing that it happens for the better as Allah knows what’s best for her.

“ ..but it is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knows, and you know not” (Al-baqarah, 216).

In the meantime, she’ll work on herself. She’ll give her utmost best in becoming a better Muslimah, a better daughter, friend, student.. and she will take good care of herself. For God, for herself, for her family.. and.. for him, whoever he is.

So there you go. Her personal take on the issue at hand. She believes that the time is not right for her yet; but when it finally comes, she will embrace the moment without any hesitations (hehe). So pray for her, will you? She does not know who the ‘he’ is yet, but she does know however, that she’s waiting (a bit im)patiently for the moment when she’ll fall head over heels for him. :D 

   ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* 

She re-read her post again. She thinks she’s doing a good job convincing her alter ego. Hopefully she’ll believe in it too. Oh yes she must.

It’s not like she has never developed such feelings before. It’s not like she has not been tempted to succumb, to give in, to let it overwhelm her.. In fact she had, but she’s not planning to give in just yet. A bit more, she prays. Just a bit more, she hopes to persevere.

“If you love someone, you should let her/him go. If he’s your true love, he’ll come back to you,” she remembered her teacher giving this piece of advice to the class one day. And she knows her teacher has earned every right to be giving out such an advice, but she was sceptical if it would work for her too. Afterall, she knows herself only too well. She knows that if she has finally come to love someone, she will never be able, not in her wildest dreams, to let him go. It will be too painful to bear.

“Kalau tengah bercinta tu, da tau benda haram pun buat. Ingatkan orang yang buat benda2 tak senonoh tu semua tak tau tu berdosa ke? Buat jugak. Setan da masuk dalam badan, ape peduli. Janji nak lepaskan nafsu.” She knew her mum was right. Indeed, she has witnessed for herself how individuals with respectable Islamic education still committing what would qualify as her mother’s “benda2 tak senonoh”. But that’s them, she thought. She’s different kan? If she were to have a relationship, she’ll not end up like them.. yes?

“Selalu macam gitu kan? Kononnye dia nak jaga awak.. Jaga awak macam berlian.. Pergi sekolah dia hantar, balik sekolah dia amek.. Konon biar jangan sampai scratch pun. Padahal dia tak sedar, dia sendiri yang sebenarnya tengah merosakkan awak. Sebab apa yang dia buat tu haram. Takde orang yang boleh jaga awak dengan baik kecuali keluarga awak dan suami awak.” That particular speech of her mudirah was something she would never forget. At the tender age of 12 (or was it 13?) then, the information was already throbbing in her head.

“If someone asks you to be his girlfriend, what would you say?” she asked her friend as they were making their way with 7 other classmates to their Physics class at Serangoon one day.

“What would I be able to give you – SECARA HALAL - as a girlfriend, that I won’t be able to give if I’m not?”

“Nothing,” she replied with a smile. She found comfort in the answer.

“Exactly,” her friend replied, returning her smile.

Oh how she wish her friend still remembers her own answer. She silently wishes she does.

     ****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“What?? You still haven’t found one yet? Are you in MS? PBM? SILAT?? NO?? That is why! Being part of these associations would increase your chances of getting attached. Jangan lambat2, nanti you’ll be left on the shelf. It’s a tough competition out there. All the good guys will be taken kalau you lambat2. Dah lah dorang ni rare.” She chuckled as her concerned friend panicked when she told her she has yet to find a boyfriend.

“I think you kena usaha jugak. I know it’s jodoh, but we must put in effort.”

“Eh bile ni ustazah nak dapat surat saman awak? Cari yang nanti graduate jugak, biar senang. Sekarang dah boleh la cari2. Ustazah izinkan,” teased her teacher when she visited her former madrasah during the last teacher’s day celebration.

“Tak salah apa dating kalau tak pegang2,” argued someone. She pouted her lips and stared at the motifs on her wall.

Undeniably, she has long realised that she’s surrounded by people who have found happiness in being with their respective potential soulmates. Don’t get her wrong, she is happy for them and she will always pray for them.

Is she envious then, you ask. She looks at you and smiles.

    *********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Wahai anak muda, berkahwinlah. Sesiapa yang mampu, berkahwinlah kerana ia lebih memelihara mata dan menjaga faraj. Sesiapa yang tidak mampu untuk berkahwin hendaklah dia berpuasa kerana puasa adalah penahan (daripada gelojak nafsu)” (Bukhari).

With that, she bids her temporary goodbye to the readers. She’ll resume this post of hers later in the next entry, God willing.

Ramadhan mubarak.