I really, really find it amusing that some people actually find my life amusing enough to be discussed about. Or maybe it’s because they find my life NOT amusing enough, so that’s why they have to help me spin some tales to spice up my mundane life. Maybe, just maybe. (:

I was once supposedly getting romantically involved to a former classmate (HAHAHAHA), said to be someone’s girlfriend (oh boy, the news was spreading wide and FAAAR at that point of time), getting back with a SUPPOSED ex-boyfriend of mine, and am supposed to be already engaged to someone very famous among my circle of friends (and beyond, definitely. haha), and am currently developing a relationship with someone who is well-loved by everyone who knows him.

RIIIIGGHHHHT.

And Ohh. Someone even thought that I WAS MARRIED. He was asking me to join as an exco member of this particular association, and I said no because I have “personal reasons”. And he thought that one of them is because I have a husband to attend to. I swear I thought he was joking so I laughed it off but then he was dead serious and he said someone told him that I was. I was in my first year then, and to think that someone told him that I was married? WHO? WHY? HOW? WHAT? I didn’t know whether to continue laughing or just bawl after that.

I have absolutely NO IDEA where do these stories come from. Boleh pengsan ye dengar. Since when do I have an ex-boyfriend in the first place? And this supposed ex of mine is someone whom I have not contacted in YEARS. So yeah, was wondering how did the ‘get back’ part come about too. And ME? Getting ENGAGED? My poor friend had to call me all the way from KL to confirm the news and she spoke in all seriousness that although I was utterly shocked, I had to burst into laughter. But seriously, getting engaged NOW? My parents would go berserk. Apa lagi being MARRIED. Lol. And about me currently developing a relationship with someone? Haha. I know some of our kind friends are excited to see something serious coming out of this friendship, but really, there’s nothing to be excited about (:

Sometimes, COMPLETE STRANGERS would even go as far as to ‘analyse’ my ‘relationship’ for me. How do I know? My friends la. They quote their sources, you see. Haha. So when they say it’s so and so who told them so, I would go.. WHOOOO? But really, my friends pun. THEY are my friends, yet they have to hear it from people I do not talk to, or even know of. Naughty ah they all.

“Oh, dia tengah goyang dengan (name) sekarang sebab ada (name – a supposed third party. LOL LOL LOL)”

Goyang ape nye kak? Sorry, but it’s totally groundless. And I don’t goyang.

“I dengar dari this kakak yang tengah buat MA dekat the same university (WHO?) as your ex yang you tak suka (name) sebab you are getting back with your ex? Katenye dia sendiri mengaku.”

I confronted this supposed ex of mine and he was just as shocked. Kesian kawan tu. And imagine how embarrassed I was.

I have been facing this since I was in secondary school. I’m sorry but it really gets on my nerves sometimes. I know people would say that if I do not have anything to do with the person, why would I bother then. But really, I cannot accept it when people are making up stories about ME and this other person. I mean, why? What’s the issue here? I cannot understand, really. It hurts me because if people do not bother asking ME, then they would assume that it’s true. And can you imagine the awkwardness I would feel if the other person got to know about the rumour as well? ):

I know that there are many others who have faced the same thing too. Remember the person I am supposed to be engaged to? He has been said to be engaged to some other people too many times before. There was even this rumour that said he’s getting married soon and some people have received the kad jemputan. Haha. Ok that’s worse, but still.. ):

Just to make things very clear, I am not engaged, not getting engaged soon (not that I know of) nor am I having a relationship with anyone. If I ever will, I will gladly declare it and I will try to make sure that everyone I know will get an invitation to celebrate it with me. Haha. Ameen! (:

Let me end this post with two verses of the Quran. I think it serves as a great reminder to myself. I think being a girl I especially love gossips ): I must get rid of this habit. I must understand that talking about other people would not benefit me in any way, in fact, it would take away the good deeds that I’ve done. And I must understand that if what I said wasn’t true, it would be a fitnah, and to malign someone is a great sin as I would be doing harm to the person I’m maligning and thus, ultimately doing myself in. And I wouldn’t want to be eating the flesh of my dead brother/sister, na’uzubillah. So the wisest thing to do is to not speak ill of anyone. Kalau betul namanya mengumpat, kalau salah pulak fitnah. Berat, berat.

“O you who believe, you shall avoid any suspicion, for even a little bit of suspicion is sinful. You shall not spy on one another, nor shall you backbite one another; this is as abominable as eating the flesh of your dead brother. You certainly abhor this. You shall observe GOD.  GOD is Redeemer, Most Merciful.” (49:12)

“O you who believe, if a fasiq* person brings any news to you, you shall first investigate, lest you commit injustice towards some people, out of ignorance, then become sorry and remorseful for what you have done.” (49:6)

* although this ayat mentions the fasiq, but the principle behind this ayat is just as important when receiving any news from anyone. Wallahu ta’aala a’lam. (:

P/s: Selamat menyambut ramadhan yang mulia. Hubungan dengan Allah sememangnya penting, tetapi hubungan sesama insan juga merupakan sesuatu yang perlu dijaga dan disemai kerana akan dipersoalkan di akhirat kelak. Justeru, diharapkan benar agar setiap kesalahan dan kesilapan dari diri yang dhoif ini terhadap anda yang sedang membaca dapat dimaafkan. Semoga dengan kedatangan ramadhan kali ini, akan semakin membangkitkan semangat untuk kita sama-sama berusaha dalam menimba ilmu dan memperbanyakkan lagi amalan agar sentiasa kita berada dalam naungan rahmatNya. Allah Tuhanku, Allah Tuhanmu, Allah Tuhan kita semua.

So here goes the second part of my controversial post.

Whether we like it or not, the views of others around us can really really affect us. And I think we’ve all experienced incidents in which we can testify to the statement. I’m sure I have. So why should I contribute to unnecessary pressure and distress to someone who wants to change for the better, just because I find her change a bit sudden and thus, making me uncomfortable? I mean, so what if I’m uncomfortable? I just need time and then I’ll get used to it, but this person is changing to improve herself, for God’s sake. Hal kecik sangat. Yes, it’s a teeny weeny issue that I might have blown out of proportion, but it’s not just about wearing a jubah of course. It’s this whole mentality on not being able to come to terms with other people’s change.

Just like the yellow ribbon campaign. “Unlock the second prison”. I think it’s worse off than prisons sometimes. At least when they’re in prisons they know that they are there because of a crime they’ve committed. But once they have stepped back into society upon the COMPLETION OF SERVING THEIR TERM, they are still receiving ‘punishments’ for a crime they DID NOT COMMIT. Just because they’ve done wrong before, does that mean they would never be right again? Does that mean that every crime that happens around them is committed by them? I know this is on a much, bigger scale, a more serious issue, but it boils down to the same thing I think – not being able to accept that OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO CHANGE AND THEY CAN DO SO. So we resist the change; by policing them to revert back to their old selves, their old behaviors, the ones we knew them by, be it directly or indirectly. :(

That’s why, sometimes, the first crime commited by someone might be 100% their fault, but the crimes of repeated offenders? There’s a huge tendency that people around them have a huge part to play in this crime of theirs indirectly.

Okkey. I’m digressing. Let’s get back on track shall we?

I used to wear short and tight-fitting clothes then. Then suddenly one day, I started wearing kurtas.. Then I proceeded to wearing bigger tudungs. Then once, upon seeing me in my longer tudung for the first time, someone said this to me:

“Kenapa pakai tudung besar? Da tinggal 40 hari ke?”

No, I didn’t know whether I had 40 days left on this world before I die at that point of time, so my change was definitely not because of that. Funny isn’t it the question? Looking back, I can laugh at it now, but back then.. ehem.. Maybe I was feeling sensitive at that point of time. Hehe. Then another interesting question I got was,

“Dah ada matair eh?”

Err. No. The change wasn’t because I found someone and he asked me to wear longer tudungs. Haha. No no no. At age 15, that idea seemed alien to me. Hehe.

And I could still feel this conscious feeling that people were scrutinising me when I first started wearing jubahs too. And really, I think, by that time kan, i was already rather immune to whatever people have to say da. Coz I think, no matter what, people won’t stop talking. And you can’t stop them. So, might as well do what you heart believes is right, and do it for the sake of God and yourself, kan?:)

Some sisters have shared with me, that sometimes, even wearing the tudung can invite unpleasant stares from people especially when voicing out opinions in tutorials or being the only one wearing it during lectures. :)

I shall end this post with a hadeeth from the Prophet saw. I love this hadeeth. Somehow it gives me the strength I need whenever I feel.. off. Hehe:)

بدأ الإسلام غريبا ، وسيعود غريبا كما بدأ ، فطوبى للغرباء

“Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers.”  (Muslim, 145)

So yes, we always feel that we’re the odd ones out. Even for Muslim brothers who have to leave everything and rush off to perform their Friday prayes and stuffs, but see? Islam did begin as something strange. And even in our context now, some aspects of our religion are still perceived as ’strange’ by those around us. So it’s a good thing that the Prophet has warned us of it 1400++ years ago, isn’t it? :) So, if you’re about to do something ’strange’, remember that somewhere in some parts of the world, our Muslim brothers or sisters are also doing the same things as what we are and being perceived as ’strange’ too.

Yes, strangely, we can all find commonality and bond under this beautiful strangeness.

So ikhwah, let’s not be afraid in embracing this beautiful ’strangeness’, shall we? :)

I feel so sad. Ok, I don’t know if it’s sadness or ANGER that I’m feeling right now, but either way it’s very unpleasant.

Before I proceed, I would like to emphasise that the point of this post is not to say that the way I do things is better than anyone else, and that people should follow me and there’s no two ways about it, but really, just let me rattle on what’s bothering me ok?

Yes, I wear jubah to campus. I’m not saying that it’s the best way to dress, but that’s the way of dressing I am most comfortable with. And alhamdulillah, I think people are not really uncomfortable with me wearing jubah because they are used to see this manusia walking around campus awkwardly with her jubah from Day One. So they’ve probably come to accept that that’s the way I dress Thus, even if I might have appeared to be weird initially, they’ve come to accept that I am weird. So it’s not an issue. Ok.

Now, the thing that is bothering me is.. Some of my sisters whom I talked to, was telling me that they feel like wearing jubah too. However, they worry about what people might say of them. Yela, da biasa dengan blouses and jeans and suddenly starting to wear jubah, wouldn’t people talk about it? Like,  ’action baik’ la and passing hundred other creative insulting comments?

What is it about my sisters’ decision to start wearing jubah ke, punjabi ke, kimono ke, that would bother the next person as long as she covers her aurat properly? Like, why would someone be so generous with NON-CONSTRUCTIVE comments that would offend the one at the receiving end? I don’t get it. I really don’t. How does the way one wear affects me? Unless her clothes give off a heavy stench. Or she wears full animal fur and I’m an animal rights activist or something. Or she wears fake bulus and as she talks, all the bulus get into my sensitive hidung and I sneeze non-stop. But other than that, I might marvel at her clothing, or find it unsuitable to my taste, but what business of mine is it to go tsk tsk on her dressing?

This is not even fashion tau we’re talking about. It’s about wearing a jubah. If you want to comment on the jubah itself ke, maybe that’s a different issue ah. Like my jubahs. I know it’s like merepek, and I’m ok if you wanna say I look bad in them. But to comment on the very act of wearing jubah itself? 

Some people might argue that, unless you are really ‘baik2′ then it’s not appropriate that you wear a jubah. Well, honestly and seriously, I’m NOT baik2. But I think, sementara nak tunggu jadi baik2 tu, maybe I can improve on some other aspects first? And appearance being the more obvious one? And I think one important thing about taking care of your appearance is, it helps to shape who you are inside, just like what was shared by some of the sisters over an usrah session we had. Probably we can use symbolic interactionist argument in this issue too.

People normally attach meanings to things right? So when one puts on the tudung, or the jubah, or the baju kurung, or clothings that covers the aurat properly, you have an idea of how one should behave when one wears such clothings. For example, oh a lady who wears this way must take care of her akhlaq etc. And the thing is, different people attach different meanings to different things. So to lady A, maybe wearing punjabi reminds her of her roots. Yet it covers her aurah fully. So it’s like a good thing for her in the sense that, she feels that there are many things to benefit from by reminding herself of own culture while not compromising her identity as a Muslimah.

But to lady B, it might be different. Probably wearing baju kurung is more significant for her. Reminds her to be the wanita melayu terakhir dengan segala kesopanan and all those ‘melayu2′ traits. And it could be that she belongs to a group of friends who wear baju kurung all the time, and she admires the way they present themselves and thus, even if she’s away from them, she wears the baju kurung to remind herself to emulate her friends’ characteristics.

I mean, I don’t know. People have millions of meanings and reasons attached to different things. But my point is, if it makes them a better person and a Muslimah, why not? Why should I be bothered by it? Why couldn’t I encourage that change instead? “Action baik?” But if she really feels that by doing so, it can make her a better person, then why not? If I don’t feel that wearing baju kurung makes me a better person, but another person feels so, should I feel negative about it? “Action melayu ah awak ni.” :s

Ahh. I need to stop. Ilalliqa’.

BAGHDAD — It was eight o’clock in the morning when Fadia (not her real name), received an unexpected visit in her home.

Her children, who were still asleep, awoke to the hysterical screaming of their mom.

Fadia, a recently-graduating biologist, was told by the guest that her husband had been kidnapped by militants and she had to pay 10,000 dollars to have him back home.

But, he said, she had to first make a visit to someone who would like to explain which steps she had to take to save her husband’s life.

“I wore my abaya, washed my face and took the children to my neighbor without saying a single word,” said Fadia, 26.

“I was in shock and the only thing I had in mind was my husband.”

Two men drove her to a place near Baghdad’s Sadr City, but a few minutes from the destination, she was forced to cover her eyes and stay at sleeping position in the back seat.

“In a moment the car stopped, everything changed. The way they were speaking with me moved from being kind to tough,” she remembered.

Fadia walked into a house and her eyes were uncovered. She was told to wait for the ‘boss’.

“I was scared and it worsened when a man with an ugly appearance appeared in the room and directly asked if I had a way to get the money to pay for my husband’s life,” she said.

“I started to cry and say we were from a simple family and what we get from our work wasn’t enough to pay our bills.”

Tragedy

Fadia was than taken to a side room where she saw her husband being beaten and with blood covering his face.

Desperate, she started to scream for help but was slapped on the face and told to shut up.

“In this moment the tragedy really started,” Fadia said with tears strolling down her cheeks.

“The man said there was a way to pay for my husband’s liberty as well as mine and told me to take my clothes off and lay down on the floor,” she added, fighting back the bitter memory.

“I fought against him for a while but later discovered that I didn’t have a choice and was raped by four militants who after all disgusting things they did to me drove me back home with my husband.”

As if that was not enough to scar her life for ever, Fadia’s husband immediately decided to divorce.

“He said he preferred to die than continue to be married to an impure woman,” she said.

“I saved his life but couldn’t save mine after six years of marriage.”

quoted from http://hairilabubakar.blogspot.com. You can read on other stories from the same article at http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1203758147874&pagename=Zone-English-News/NWELayout

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NOTE: IT MIGHT BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME READERS. IT’S RATHER CRUDE AGAKNYE. MY APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE:)

Allow me to let this out:

ADA JUGAK LELAKI MACAM TU DALAM DUNIA NI???

That’s one of the cruelest thing ever la ok! The rapists da memang cruel la, but the HUSBAND TU. If everything that she said was true, then seriously, he’s not a man. What on earth was he thinking?? That is like, the number one, or at least one of the top 2 meanest ways to treat your wife la! I’m so angry you know!

Anyway, I’m going to contest this whole notion of virginity. In this case, I think we can use a bit of sociology in certain aspects. What is virginity? How do you define one is a virgin?

We usually associate virginity with pureness, innocence, untainted etc. And more importantly, it’s used to describe someone who has never had sexual intercourse before.

What if she’s totally innocent? She takes good care of her pride and dignity, but was unfortunately raped? Is it her fault? Do we still consider her as an ‘impure’ person because she was brutally raped and scarred psychologically for the rest of her life?? Such stories always come up in novels and I’ve seen them in movies too (I know, I used to read novels A LOT).. The girl getting raped and then the future husband refuses to marry her because she was raped, she’s no longer a virgin and so he doesn’t want her and give all those what dah ditebuk tupai nonsense. Isn’t that SHALLOW? Instead of being there by her side to help her cope with this disastrous misfortune that has befallen her, he leaves her in the lurch instead. Braaavvvvoo! What a man.

Biologically, CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, one is a virgin when her hymen has not been torn due to a sexual intercourse. So there was this woman (it was in the news) who has been married for years to her husband, but they found out later that somehow her hymen was still intact. So technically, she was still a virgin (I’m quite sure I read it then!). Hah. Would you consider her as one?

What about a girl, who has never had actual sexual intercourse before, but has had physical intimacy with a guy who is not her husband, and you know, they’ve done almost everything but THAT? Is she still considered a virgin then?

Now put the girl I’ve just mentioned with the girl who was raped but has never been physically-intimate with anyone else. Which one is considered still a ‘virgin’ to you?

Like Britney Spears’ “I’m still a virgin” once upon a time dulu. 

Symbolically, different people will attach different meanings to what it means to be a ‘virgin’. And so, people might differ in their answers. But to meeeeeeeeeeee, I don’t have to mention it la I think. You all know my answer. :)

But really, that Fadia’s husband kan.. He should be deprived of bananas.

I was sick for almost a week. Feverish, running nose, cough, sore throat.. It’s terrible I tell you. I didn’t really have appetite for food, I spoke with a voice I usually associate with Ramli Sarip and my nose was as red as a clown’s (ehh. no no. a clown’s even REDDER. and LESS nicer. ) from all those hembusing. Really, sometimes, minor sickness like this can make me realise how I’ve taken my health for granted, and how, Allah has showered me with endless blessings. Imagine, just a nose block and a sore throat can make food so tasteless and unappetizing. Imagine if it’s more than that :(

Anyway, since I’ve been coughing, I asked my mum to buy for me the ‘ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak’. It’s the cough syrup I used to take when I was younger. It tastes nice pun. So I asked her to get that for me. So my family went out, leaving me at home, sneezing and coughing myself silly. Haha. So when they reached home, I saw two bottles of cough syrup on the table. One is the one I had asked my mum to buy, and the other one is this.. cough syrup with the ‘pharmacy-look’ (you get wat i mean). Must be my father’s, I thought. He was coughing badly too. So I took the one my mum bought, and just as I was about to open it, my father stepped into the kitchen.

 ”Eh, don’t take this one. Take the one I bought better.” *reached out for the other bottle and showed it to me*

“But this is good, and it tastes nice.”

“Nice la, but not good. Just take from the shelves one not good. This one better. See, this is for ‘chesty’ coughs. Just now I heard you coughed like that one. Take this. Good for you.” *proceeded to open the bottle for me*

“mmMMMMMMMM!”

“Nice also right? Like the normal cough syrup right?”

“No! It’s very bitter!”

“Oh. Bitter good la. Medicine what.”

Chet.

So for two days, I took the bitter medicine. And I did hear him telling my mum that he saw improvement on me after taking the medicine. “Dia da baik sikit tu,” he claimed. “Tapi budak2 ni suke ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak tu,” replied my mum. And after that, I’ve lost track of the conversation.

I was in this beautiful garden, flowers everywhere and butterflies dancing merrily from one flower to another, when suddenly someone tapped on my arms.

“Bangun. Dah nak dekat subuh ni. Dia nak puasa kan nari?”

I stared at my mum, apparently still very blur. Where did that pretty butterfly go to?

“Nah. Makan obat. Ni air.”

I closed my eyes again, but I opened my mouth (she’s feeding me). I want to find that butterfly again.

So she suap-ed me. I was already ready with the glass of water to wash down the bitterness of the cough syrup. But to my surprise, it’s not bitter at all. Yes, you’ve guessed it right.. It’s.. Ubat batuk cap ibu dan anak! Hehehe.

So I slowly swallowed the syrup, drank the water, got back to sleep only to be awaken few minutes later for subuh.

 ****************************************************************************************************************

The purpose of this entry, is to highlight how cute my parents are (AHH. That explains A LOT of things, don’t you think? *smiling proudly*). Hahahaha.

Nola, seriously, this entry is a tribute to them. To your parents too. I know I have not been the ideal daughter to them. Maybe far from it even:( I’ve not really said I love them, or things like that. But deep inside, I know I love them very dearly, and they mean the world to me. But I must understand that this is not enough. Sebab for romantic love, I believe that verbal expressions are crucial. So abeh love towards parents tak ke? Mana bleh! Must be romantic to parents too kan kan kan. Hehehehe.

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.”

Not a word of disrespect. Not a WORD. In fact, not even a HISS, or a sigh, or whatever. Indeed, how elevated the status of our parents are, and I’ve sinned greatly towards them:(

There were a few stories, said to have taken place during the times of the Prophet saw. One was the story when a companion wanted to take part in a battle, but upon knowing that he has an elderly mother staying with him, the Prophet told him it’s better for him to stay at home. MasyaAllah, staying at home to take care of a parent is even better than going for a jihad against the musyrikin in this context.

Another story was about a muslim, who approached Rasulullah saw. He said, ya Rasulallah, I have taken care of my old parent (can’t remember whether it’s the mother or father), I’ve fed her/him, carried him on my back, bathed him etc. So does that means that I’ve repaid my debts as a son to him? The Prophet replied, no. Because when you took care of you parent, at the back of your mind, you felt that he was a burden, but you do it nonetheless to REPAY what he had given to you then. But when your parents took care of you, they only had love and care for you. They did everything they did out of utmost sincerity, not to repay you for anything, just the hope of seeing you turning into someone good. Touching isn’t it? :(

There is no way I can repay my parents. I am forever indebted to them. The least I can do is to pray for them without fail after every prayers.

“Rabbighfirlii wa li waalidayya warhamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanii soghiira”

Sometimes I forget.

I forget that the world is just a temporary place, and the permanent abode is either heaven/HELL. Thus I forget that NOW is the time for me to maximise the opportunities given right before me to do as many good deeds as possible, deeds that would be able to help me secure the promised place in heaven.

Yes, I forget once too often that sometimes I do things as if I’m going to live forever. I’m so obsessed in achieving the finer things in life that sometimes religion has taken a back seat. So much so, that sometimes I’m willing to compromise parts of my religion in order to achieve what I want. Why? Because I might not say it out loud, but I probably prioritise my life now more than the one later.

True, I tend to forget, so much so that I’d justify my acts (of not prioritising my religion) by insisting that Islam is flexible and that God will understand. Aha. Islam is flexible, yes, but only when it comes to DHORURAH, or ’emergency’ situations. Unfortunately, ‘emergency’ is now used almost under all circumstances in which there is a conflict between my personal gains and my religion. That is why, sikit-sikit aje ‘emergency’, thus konon-konon justifying my acts of pushing aside my religion.

Sometimes, keeping up with even the very basic is a struggle. Praying, for example. When I have back-to-back lectures and tutorials, or when I’m too tired after 2hrs or so of taking 2/3 buses for my journey home and yada yada yada, I’d have to literally drag myself to the toilet, perform my wudhu’ and then prayers. And I’d feel as if I’m already so baik by praying even when I’m already dead tired.

Ya right, Umm Sofiyyah. *laugh2* *snort2*

“Do you expect to enter Paradise without being tested like those before you? They were tested with hardship and adversity, and were shaken up, until the messenger and those who believed with him said, “Where is GOD’s victory?” GOD’s victory is near.”  (Al-Baqarah :214)

Allahumma yassir wa laa tu’assir!

When I compare myself with the muslimaat before me, my, how I definitely pale in comparison. Look at Sumayyah r.a., the first woman to die for Islam. When Abu Jahal found out that Sumayyah and the rest of her family members (the companion ‘Ammar r.a and his father, Yasser r.a) have converted to Islam, he tortured them mercilessly (they were his servants). When ‘Ammar r.a asked his parents to be patient and was giving words of encouragement, she replied passionately: “it’s alright. I believe that Allah has provided me a place in Paradise.” Not once did her iman falter, sampai lah that Abu Jahal shoved a SPEAR up her vagina and she died a martyr.

Or when when I compare myself with Masyitah r.a, the servant of the daughter of Fir’aun. When they found out that her whole family has converted, they pushed her husbands and children, one by one, into the boiling oil before giving her the ultimatum: revert back to the old religion or die the way her family did. And Masyitah, with her youngest child in her embrace, chose to die for Islam still.

Or with Zainab r.a, the daughter of Rasulullah saw. She painfully separated herself from her beloved husband when he was still a non-believer despite her loving him with all her heart.

Or with the woman who cried after all her 3 sons died in a holy war – not because she was sad that they were gone, but because she had no more sons to send to the battlefield.

Sooo.. do I think I have the right to raise my hands up high and pray the du’a that Asiyah, the wife of Fir’aun prayed for after she was tortured by her own husband?

“And GOD cites as an example of those who believed the wife of Pharaoh. She said, “My Lord, build a home for me at You in Paradise, and save me from Pharaoh and his works; save me from the transgressing people.”  (At-Tahriim: 11)

And here I am, whining and complaining at how hard it is to be a Muslimah nowadays (uhhhhuuuhh). And maybe I let annoying questions get into my head sometimes. From questions like why must women put on the tudung, or why must women get lesser portions of the wealth in faraidh, or was Isra’ Mi’raj a real, physical experience for Rasulullah saw, or is the Quran still very much relevant, to questions like why must babi be haraam still if you’ve reared it in tip-top hygienic conditions, or why is wine still haraam if you drink it in a small amount that would not cause intoxication???

SHAME ON ME!

Seriously, Umm Sofiyyah. SERIOUSLY. PLEAAAAAASE LA. Tak tau malu ke? Da takde keje lain? Da kenapa sebenarnye nak tanya2 soalan2 cm tu? Too analytical, too pandai and too much thinking sampai nak tanye soalan2 cm tu? Really, why bother myself with such questions? Why not ask questions like, HOW CAN I IMPROVE MYSELF TO BE A BETTER MUSLIMAH? or WHAT OTHER WAYS CAN I BE CLOSER TO GOD? or HOW ELSE CAN I WORK MY WAY TO PARADISE? or or HOW I CAN CONTRIBUTE TO THE MUSLIM UMMAH SO THAT WE CAN WORK TOWARDS BECOMING THE KHAIRAH UMMAH MENTIONED IN THE QURAN???

Yea, go ahead and scorn at me you disagreeing academics.

Umm Sofiyyah, for many issues, it’s all back to the question of IMAN or FAITH.

Saad bin Abi Waqqas berkata, “Aku bertanya kepada Rasulullah saw, “Ya Rasulullah, siapakah orang yang paling berat ujian dan cubaannya” Nabi saw menjawab, “Para nabi kemudian yang meniru (menyerupai) mereka dan yang meniru (menyerupai) mereka. Seseorang diuji menurut kadar agamanya. Kalau agamanya tipis (lemah) dia diuji sesuai dengan itu (ringan) dan bila imannya kuat dia diuji sesuai itu (keras). Seseorang diuji terus-menerus sehingga dia berjalan di muka bumi bersih dari dosa-dosa.” (HR. Al Bukhari).

Iman oh iman, how strong are you? :(

“Rabbanaa zholamnaa anfusanaa, fain lam taghfir lanaa wa tarhamnaa lanakuunannaa minal khoosiriin.”

“Our Lord, we have wronged our souls, and unless You forgive us and have mercy on us, we will be losers.” (Al – A’araaf : 23)

P/s: This post is directed to me and me alone despite that statement in italic red. It was just an impertinent statement that probably sounded nice as I was typing it out, but takde kene mengene dengan yang hidup ke mati ke yang masih hidup tapi macam dah mati ke, I think. So, yea, thanks. :)

So today was my first day in school after a long, long holiday. A new semester, 5 new modules, and a whole different schedule.. And oh my, how things have changed for me since the last semester. I wonder how different or how similar it would be.. Hmm.

Anyway, after our 4-6pm lecture just now, we headed off to perform our ‘asar prayers. One of my friends, a very lovely lady, was telling us of her experience teaching in Mendaki. She was wearing a dress, just slightly above her knees (in her own words : “what was I thinking eh? pegi mengajar kat mendaki pakai baju gitu”). Then, a primary two madrasah student told my friend that she wanted to ask her something, but then she changed her mind. So my friend was like, “it’s ok, just ask. I won’t be angry”. After much coaxing, the girl finally asked her question. And boy, was she shocked by the question. Wanna know what was it?

“Kakak solat tak?”

We all laughed. “Macam cute gitu dia tanya,” said another friend. Ya, I have to admit. Memang macam cute ah, imagining it coming from a cute little girl.

So my friend told her gently that she should not stereotype (“tak semestinya orang pakai macam gini tak solat tau dik.”) and all those things.

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Once too often, we hear of unpleasant stories of girls wearing tudung but not praying or doing things which are unbefitting of the way she dresses herself. And probably just as often, we hear the accompanying remark “kalau macam tu, lebih baik jangan pakai tudung!”.

I’m unhapy too when I hear of such stories. Especially if they are people I know, or if they are my juniors from madrasahs. But I’ve been guilty of doing things unbefitting of the way I dress too. Maybe. Just that people do not know about it, or they pretend not to see it, or whatever. Maybe kan.

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Dr Asri once said in his talk (I KNOW, I KNOW. AND THERE’LL BE MORE OF HIM IN TIME TO COME. SORRY, BUT I LIKE HIM LA.. HEHE), it is sad to see some mosques (in Malaysia) turning away young ladies from praying or attending the classes because they do not put on the tudung. I’ve thought about it. Maybe yes, it is lebih beradab to put on the tudung when entering the mosque. But do we turn away people who don’t?

The friend I was mentioning earlier, is indeed one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met. She is so well-mannered and kind-hearted. And no, I’m not exaggerating. And she prays la, insyaAllah. That I know but I don’t have to tell to the whole world how I got to know of it kan? hehe. But really, she is a very nice person. And she’s the type who will go to pray in the mosques even when she’s out shopping. So what happens if she was turned away from praying because she doesn’t cover her ‘aurah? (Though I doubt such cases happen in Singapore.. Do they?)

And the girls.. Sometimes their behaviours do make us shake our heads in dismay. But really, would it be better if they do all those things AND reveal their ‘aurah TOO?

Honestly, I used to think that way too. And I still do believe that I cannot choose what to practise and what not to practise in religion. In other words, I believe it is compulsory for me to perform them all. If I don’t do any of it, then I’ll be held accountable later, wa na’uzubillahi min dzaalik. But I now agree with Dr Asri. We have to be ‘professional’ in this matter. We have to know that for every good deed there’s a reward for it, and for every wrong one, there is a punishment for it. And it is not up to us to judge whether someone has the right to do a good deed, or since her wrong deeds are more apparent then she shouldn’t be doing any good deeds. Something’s off with that mentality, don’t you think?:)

It is not right to reveal my ‘aurah. Wearing the headscarf and ensuring my ‘aurah is properly covered is COMPULSORY, and not doing it is thus, sinful. This is my stand on the issue and I’m not apologetic about it despite the arguments stating that the headscarf is more of a tradition and what-have-yous have been thrown at me too many times before. And I think my friend is clear of my stand too. I’ve even asked her why she hasn’t started wearing the tudung yet.

But what right do I have to tell her, since you wear short skirts and stuffs so even if she prays that it’s nullified? Or to tell the girls that it’s better for them to not wear tudung at all?

6. That Day mankind will proceed in scattered groups that they may be shown their deeds.

7. So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it.

  8. And whoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom, shall see it.

I’m NOT condoning any of the acts mentioned.

And I believe that Islam must be practised completely and I believe that one should not procastinate changes (refer to earlier post – Not Now, Izrael). But still, I believe that it is wrong for me to pass judgements and decide whether someone should do good deeds or not. In fact, I should be helping her to do MORE good deeds, isn’t it? :)

No man is perfect. That’s why we have to work harder to be better.

Something weird just happened.

Remember my (incoherent) superman/handzalah post which was inspired by adik? It got deleted soon after I’ve approved and replied to adik’s comment, and posted my previous post. The only logical explanation is.. I’ve accidentally deleted it. Which is still puzzling me because.. I don’t think I did! Ah. Anyway, it was an incoherent post. :)

And and I have an announcement to make. I have decided to be an APEX mentor ( http://apexmentors.wordpress.com/about/ ). Yes, finally I know. All thanks to Farhana Bibi and Noor Sarah. :)

And yala yala.. Norhafiz and the video. hehe.

Anyway, this is the lyrics to Rabbani’s Handzalah again. I know you love the song, my dear dear clown. So this is for you.

Relakanlah perpisahan kita ini
Iringilah pemergian daku nanti
Dengan doa yang tidak henti
Moga Islam terus berdiri

Usapilah genang air mata kasih
Senyumanmu penguat semangat daku
Andai kita tak jumpa lagi
Ku semai cintamu di syurga

Berpisahlah dua jiwa
Meninggalkan kuntum cinta
Mekar di istana taqwa
Menyahut panggilan Allah

Dengan nama-Mu Allah yang Maha Gagah
Langkahku atur pasrah daku berserah
Menangkanlah kaum muslimin
Hancurkanlah kaum musyrikin

Handzalah pergi ke medan jihad
Bersama dengan para sahabat
Bertempur hebat penuh semangat
Sehingga dia syahid akhirnya

Turunlah malaikat ke bumi
Mandikan jasadnya simpati
Sucilah jasadnya mewangi
Diarak rohnya ke Firdausi

Hening malam menyaksikan
Korban cinta dua insan
Baru diijabkabulkan
Rela menyahut seruan
Demi Islam ditegakkan
Jihad menjadi pilihan

A few years back, I was praying in this musolla (prayer room) in a shopping complex in Johor Baharu. I was wearing a long kurta passing my knees, slacks, and i wore socks and sarung tangan. And I prayed that way, without putting on the telekung.

Suddenly, as I was praying, a lady walked pass me and threw a telekung at my sejadah (prayer mat). I was like, huh?? Maybe she wanted to pray at the exact same spot or she wanted to use the sejadah, I thought. Yela, macam ‘chop’ tempat gitu.. (We did that in school when it’s time for prayers. Chop sana chop sini all the time. Haha) But it’s funny isn’t it? There’s more than enough space and sejadah, so why would she do that?

After praying, I saw her standing a few saff ahead of me. She was putting on her telekung. I walked pass her and gave her a smile, indicating that I’m done with my prayers and that she can use the sejadah now. But to my surprise, she gave me a sharp jeling before proceeding to pray. I was like.. ??????????????

And then I realised what she was trying to do. She was ‘angry’ at me for not putting on the telekung when praying.

=)

I remember attending one of the Dr Asri’s talks (yes yes, I’m a fan). He said “kalau tengah buat haji tu.. tengah solat.. kalau yang pakai telekung tu da tau la.. kalau bukan dari Malaysia, mesti Indonesia, Singapura atau Brunei”.. (drawing laughter).

And someone once brought up a very pertinent point. Kalau pakai telekung solat kat rumah, tapi jarang.. Macam mana tu? :)

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“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and not to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women’s nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.” (SURAH ANNUUR, VERSE 31).

From this verse, it is undisputed by all the scholars that muslimahs are asked to cover most parts of their body. The khilaaf (the difference in opinion) for this matter is the “only that which is apparent” part of the verse.

According to an ustaz, there’s khilaf among the 4 great scholars (Imam Abu Hanifah, Imam Maalik, Imam Syaafi’ee and Imam Hanbali) pertaining to this issue as well. Mari kita tengok, apakah perbezaannya..

1) Imam As-Syaafi’ee, Ibn ‘Abbas r.a: Seluruh badan KECUALI muka dan tapak tangan.

There are said to use this hadeeth as a dalil:

Rasulullah saw telah bersabda:

“Asma, sesungguhnya perempuan itu, jika telah baligh, tidak pantas untuk ditampakkan dari tubuhnya kecuali ini dan ini(sambil menunjukkan wajah dan telapak tangan).”

However, someone pointed out something to me once (or was it a book I read eh?? Tak ingat). The point was, in Imam Syaafi’ee’s munakahat, it was said that during khitbah or meminang, the man is allowed to look at the lady’s face and palms. So, the argument was, if the aurat is all except for the face and hands, wouldn’t it be redundant to say that the khaatib (peminang) can only see her face and palms? Hmm…

2) Imam Hanafi: Seluruh badan kecuali muka, tapak tangan dan kaki.

That is why, we sometimes see ladies in the mosque praying with their legs revealed. Now we know why:)

Anyway, I do not know of the dalil which Imam Hanafi used for this, but I’ve heard of an explanation to his fatwa before. Something like, the women in his country at that point of time were mostly working in the farms and fields and all that, so it’s like, they usually go barefooted. So to Imam Hanafi, that’s his idea of “only that which is apparent”.

3) Imam Hanbali : Seluruh badan termasuk muka.

Imam Hanbali and those who agree with him are said to find the hadeeth of Asma’ (the one used as a dalil by Imam Syaafi’ee) disputable. As in, whether it is authentic (sohih) or not. And their argument is, the center of a woman’s beauty is the face. So itu yang attract the most fitnah. Hmm..

WALLAHU A’LAM.

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Anyway, today was a happy, happy day! I went to a talk at PERGAS in the morning. The topic was ” Antara Pemikiran Tajdidi dan Wacana Islam Liberal “  by Dr Muhd Nur Manuty. I brought with me an entourage of 8 people pergi sana. Kalau takde kite tak ramai jugak seh. Haha. PERGAS! I should be awarded with some hadiah or something.

SPEAKING OF WHICH.. I won ALUNAN KASIH CD! ALL THANKS TO http://hafihz.com ! (ALFU SYUKRAN YA AKHI..) He had this competition going on (honestly, I didn’t even know about it!) and suddenly.. he emailed me to inform that I’m the winner of the competition! Cool ehk? So if any of you out there who wants to win something without even trying, you just need to subscribe to http://hafihz.com! I read that there’s more of such competitions to come.. So don’t miss it! :)

Anyway, I bought a new jubah! It’s $28, but since I bought with lovely kak sri nur ayu, so harga jadi $25 each je. There were a few more which caught our eyes but we didn’t have enough cash. tsk tsk. And I saw a  BEAUTIFUL abaya at $45!! From Dubai. Tapi tak jadi sebab again, not enought cash. :( (BUAT MUKE KESIAN KAT FATYA) So for those yang interested, do drop by to Geylang Serai (yes, the pasar there) and get one for yourselves:)

This is mine. Kak sri’s in pastel purple.

Hmm.. Tudung warna ape yang kene? Putih? Tanak ah.. Grey?

Let’s try it out..

Voila! :)

Siapa2 berminat untuk membeli jubah2 sila hubungi saya. I’ll give you suggestions on where to get them from. If I’m free, I can even accompany you, insyaAllah. Hehe!:)

I have been whining quite a bit for my previous posts. After dissapearing for quite awhile, I’m back with vengeance! Ha, no. But this might trigger some unhappiness to some. So be warned :)

Companions. The Prophet had companions during his time. He loved them all, and they loved him just as much – maybe even more. Indeed, companions or friends play a major important roles in our lives, and sometimes we just can’t imagine what we would do without them.

The Prophet has mentioned, in a hadeeth

“Sesungguhnya perumpamaan kawan yang baik dan kawan yang tidak baik adalah seperti seorang pembawa minyak kasturi dan peniup puputan (alat untuk menghembus angin daripada buluh atau seumpamanya untuk menyalakan api) tukang besi. Maka pembawa minyak kasturi sama ada dia akan memberikan kepadamu atau engkau akan membeli daripadanya atau engkau akan mendapat aroma yang harum daripadanya. Sedang peniup puputan tukang besi sama ada dia akan menghanguskan pakaianmu atau engkau akan mendapat bau yang busuk”

So basically the hadeeth is trying to say that friends definitely do have an influence on us. To what extent they do, depends very much on ourselves and the situation, but they definitely have an influence on us. That is why it is absolutely crucial to surround ourselves with good, trustworthy friends. :)

And I must say that I am very fortunate to have wonderful friends around me. Yes, things have been very difficult for me for the past few months, but it has been made much more bearable because of my friends. True, there are only a few – very few – who knew of my problem, but even then, those who do not know continue to give me the indirect support I need to tide through this difficult time.

When I’m down, I really appreciate friends who will remind me with verses from the Quran, they remind me of the sayings of the Prophet.. Yes, sometimes I know all these, but to have someone reminding me about it just feels different. It feels nice, it feels comforting, it feels great.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve been a good friend to be able to be blessed with such great friends. The thing about them is, they do not just pat my back and tell me that it’s ok and things will be just fine. I mean, yeah they do that, but there are times when they shook me up instead. They scolded, they nagged, and they even threatened (hah. if YOU remember what you’ve said to me the other time you’ll know this is YOU I’m referring to:p).

And I think that’s very important. Too often, I think that a friend is someone who will always approve of my acts, cover it up for me if necessary (this always happens in school. ahah) and supports whatever I do despite it being wrong. And I would be offended if my friend were to say something which goes against my own actions or thoughts.. But that’s wrong of me to think that way.

I think it’s easier to find a friend who says yes to everything I do when she’s with me, while criticising and talking about it to another friend behind my back, than to find someone who would go all out to help ensure that I would not do something which I would regret later on in my life. I think I’ve been guilty of that. I have condoned certain behaviours of my friend despite knowing what she did was wrong. I did that because I was afraid that I might lose her friendship, that she would stay away from me because she might think I was offensive.

Maybe she won’t even think that way. Maybe I  thought that way because I  was the one who would be offended if my friend disapproves of my acts and advises me against it. Tsk tsk. Boo me :(

I think it’s human nature to not want things go against our way. And it’s human nature to seek support from those close to us in whatever we do. However, I think I must remind myself that what I want is not always the best for me, and I do not think rationally ALL THE TIME. There are times when I’m emotionally-wrecked that I base my decisions on what I’m feeling at that point of time and it will seem so right and apt to me – when it is actually not. That’s when I need my friends who are not as emotionally-wrecked and are able to see matters from a different perspective; a perspective which I might not have even considered and pondered upon.

Or maybe sometimes, I am unable to take her advices because.. *whispers* I think that I am better than her in many ways..

WHAT WAS I THINKING??

First and foremost, who am I to judge who’s the better one among us. I am not God, nor am I the Prophet. It is not up to me to judge a person based on her outer appearance and what little knowledge I have of her. Secondly, even if she is like how I think she is, what right do I have to refuse to listen to her if what she says is THE TRUTH? Maybe it’s because I adopt the peribahasa “umpama ketam menasihati anak”.. So I think that if she’s just as bad or worse off than me then she shouldn’t be advising me.

Wrong. Oh bloody wrong.

I have to understand that it’s not much about the person, but it’s more on the ADVICE given. But in order to do that, I must first put aside my ego and my sense of self-righteousness. I must remember that I am a mere human who makes mistakes all the time. I MUST!

So I need to remind myself, sometimes, to be a true friend, is to go against him/her when it is necessary. And I myself need to do that. I cannot be selfish. I cannot just continue approving just so my friendship with her will not be strained. I do not want to be a friend whom she will cry bitterly for knowing just as in the verses of Al-Furqan, 27-29:

27. The day will come when the transgressor will bite his hands (in anguish) and say, “Alas, I wish I had followed the path with the messenger.

28. “Alas, woe to me, I wish I did not take that person as a friend.

29. He has led me away from the messenger after it has come to me. Indeed, the devil lets down his human victim.”

No. I definitely do not want to be a friend whom the devil manipulates to do my friend in. I want to be like my friends who are not afraid to tell me off when I need it much. To you guys, jazaakumullahu khairan kathiira. :)

So to all my UNDERSTANDING friends (tolong jangan acknowledge if you’re NOT. ahah. kidding), please do not hate me when I disapprove of your acts and I make it known to you personally. It’s not because I am trying to be offensive or show that I am superior than you are, but it’s because I want us to hold on to these verses:

‘You shall cooperate in matters of righteousness and piety; do not cooperate in matters that are sinful and evil. You shall observe God. God is strict in enforcing retribution”

and

“The human being is in a loss.

Except those who believe and lead a righteous life, and exhort one another to uphold the truth, and exhort one another to be steadfast.”

Uhibbukum fillah. Jiddan jiddan :)