September 1, 2010
Fa bi ayyi aalaai rabbikumaa tukazzibaan?
“Which then of the bounties of your Lord will you deny?”
So we all know which surah this verse is from – Ar-rahmaan. I sometimes think ar-rahmaan is like, one of the most popular surahs amongst the people I know. When praying taraawih with the sisters or when they are asked to choose a surah to read for tilawah, ar-rahmaan is always a favourite choice.
I guess it’s because we know that we constantly need to be reminded of the ni’mah that God has blessed upon us. To put it crudely, we know we are not thankful enough.
So allow me to continue the story from my previous post (:p).
Where was I? Oh yes. So I started running away when the cat started to run towards us. My friend didn’t run because she isn’t afraid of cats la kan, so suspect suke lagi kucing tu lari kat dia. And also, because I didn’t allow her to? I was like, while running while going “OMG OMG pls dun move! stop the cat!” or something like that la (I gotta admit I was a bit hilang pedoman there). But luckily, I was running with my head looking backwards. No, more like, fixing my eyes on her to ensure that she doesn’t get anywhere near me and if my friend is doing a good job stopping her.
She was running towards my friend and she stopped in front of her. So I stopped too (ni kes macam, takut takut tapi curious. Takut2 kucing gitu? Hahahaha. Get it? HAHAHA. hm. ehem. hm). Then I saw it. She looked up to my friend, stared for awhile before licking her paws. Then she ran back to her kittens.
Then my friend turned and walked towards me.
“OMG. What did she just do?’ asked the pathetically scared Hannah who was already suspecting something by this time.
“She just wanted to say thank you,” answered my friend with a gentle smile.
That was it. I burst into tears. You know whyyy. Because right, I swear to God that before that incident, my friend was telling me how cats show that they are thankful by licking their paws.
“WHAT? where got. Merepek la. They lick their paws after they eat right?”
“Yeah…”
“Yeah la! So they are just like cleaning themselves la you know? Like cuci tangan. Ape je thankful. Don’t humanize the cats too much la you.”
“No, really really. It is their way of saying thanks.”
“HAHAHAHA. Merepek.” *poor friend got shrugged off*
So when I saw it happening, with my own eyes, and I recalled what she told me months before, how can I not cry?
She was the mother cat, who was so thin and hungry and always very scared of people. But on that day, she approached us for food. And when she had food, she had only a few bites of the tuna before leaving the rest for her kittens.
And yet she did not forget to show her thanks to us.
Can you understand what I’m saying? Can you understand why I am so amazed by this mother cat? It is not normal for cats to act in that way, is it? Cats are ANIMALS you know. They don’t give thanks, no? I know that people say that animals give thanks to Allah, but.. You know what I mean?
I even thought that my friend was delusional and was trying to humanize the cat when she told me about it before. Because I thought that it is a very HUMAN THING to be able to feel thankful and express their thanks.
In fact, the word “rabbikumaa” in the verse earlier, as we all know, the “kumaa” in Arabic is used to refer to two people/groups. And in this context of this ayat, it is referred to the groups (thaqalaan) – ins and jinn (manusia dan jin).
So there I was, thinking that humans are more capable of giving thanks and animals aren’t until I was given a rude shock.
Ya Allah, korang, if animals can show thanks in that manner, what then is expected of the thaqalaan? Are we thankful for every meal? Or every breath? Or every living moment that we have?
And so, because I arrogantly thought that it was a ‘human’ thing to give thanks, what do I make of myself when I fail to?
And so, would you not have cried too if you were in my position?:’(
Ramadhan mubarak everyone.
I have this horrible confession to make. I think I might have killed the cat you know:’( Once I saw the mother cat, after the incident, and I was trying to feed the cat the sandwiches I bought just for her. But she didn’t want to eat! I was surprised. Maybe she wasnt that hungry, I thought. Then I was eating KITKAT, you know, the chocolate thingy, then I gave it to her (more like campak because again, I AM TERRIFIED OF HER STILL REMEMBER?). And guess what, SHE ATE IT. Then I was soo happy thinking that yay, I get to feed her again, so I gave her the rest of the KITKAT! Then like a few days later, I swear to God that I JUST REMEMBERED that someone told me that feeding a cat chocolates can cause them to DIE. I got soo scared and I told my cat expert friend about it and she was like, OMG, I think she’s dead. And really you know, we have never seen her since then.
*soooooooooooooobbbbbss*
But she was really happy eating the KITKAT you know?:’(
Oh no. I feel terrible all over again. I thought I have moved on from it, cause I was terribly scared over it and I didn’t tell anyone else except for my friend. But now that I am blogging about the mother cat..
*ssooooooooooooooobbbbbbbbbbss*
K I’m too depressed. Please make prayers for me. I mean yes, for the cat yang da most probably passed away (please pray that she had an easy death if she really is deaaaad), but for me more please. Because I might really have killed her. Astaghfirullahal ‘azheem.
Macam mane ni?;’(
Oh. You know what. Please pray that she didn’t die because of my KITKAT! Maybe we just didn’t see her around anymore or she died because of other things.. :’(
I don’t knoww…:’( Allahul musta’an!
May 6, 2010
Meow long overdue post
I’ve been wanting to post on this but couldn’t find the time to do so. This semester’s workload was really horrible. The deadlines were driving me up the wall, really. Thank Allah I’m done an over with it now. Not sure how I fared, though. Ah but let’s not talk about that, shall we.
So anyway, you know I’m terrified of cats, but I am not CRUEL ok. So last semester, I saw this cat in school. It was like meowing like crazy and it had the thinnest perut I have ever seen on a cat (albeit from a safe distance). And I was with my friend then who is a cat expert. So I told my friend to wait while I rushed to the canteen and got an ikan goreng. My friend said it’s too big for the cat. But to our surprise, the cat finished it off within like, 2 minutes and even wanted more.
So that was last semester.
Then this semester, I was studying with my friend one night and we heard the cat again. We were having our dinner (instant mee and sandwiches) and I said we should get some tuna for the cat. My friend agreed, but to go and get tuna means we have to climb down 198483686093493 flights of stairs and worse, back up again. So I came up with a brilliant suggestion – kasi kucing tu makan maggi/sandwich ah! Brilliant not? I was prepared to share my sandwich with the kucing and my friend can share her maggi la right. So brilliant.
But noooo my friend dismissed the idea. She laughed and said mana kucing makan maggi laksa or sandwich. So I said, ok maybe laksa tak but sandwich? BBQ chicken sandwich? But my friend just laughed and laughed.
Then we went to look for the cat. To my surprise, the cat was not alone. There was this little creature near her paws. The cat has kittens, I thought. “OMG! IT’S A TIKUS!” exclaimed my friend. Out loud. And then the tikus ran away. I was terrified (cat AND mouse? *shudders*) but I felt sooo bad ok. I felt I have robbed the cat of her dinner (GROSS IT SOUNDS WRONG!).
So then I told my friend, ok nah amek jeee sandwich ni and kasi kucing tuu. And I think she felt guilty too so she went against her logical stand of cats not eating sandwiches and just gave it to the cat. And guess what people? THE CAT ATE THE SANDWICH. BBQ CHICKEN, WHOLEMEAL BREAD AND SALAD AND ALL. Can you believe ittt? We both laughed in sheer disbelief.
Upon seeing that we realised that this cat must have been like, living below poverty line or something. So down and up the 198483686093493 flights of stairs we went and got the cat a tin of tuna mayonnaise. So then we looked for the cat again, and to our surprise.. We saw 5 kittens with her! So the cat expert was wrong – it wasn’t tikus. It was kittens! I almost freaked out (ok, I actually did) and asked my friend to “KASI MAKAN JAUH2!” and she did.
And so I was watching the whole family devouring the tuna (it was quite a nice sight actually) when suddenly, the mother cat decided to stop eating. And she turned to look at us. And she started walking towards us. And then she started running. And then of course, upon seeing that, I started running too and asked my friend to stop the cat from coming.
But to our surprise..
Haih. I think the post is getting too long already. I’ll continue some other time, insyaAllah, to share why I cried so badly after that:’D
March 19, 2010
Brand your love. Go Halal.
I have 3 deadlines to meet very soon. Allahul musta’an. Do pray for me ya!
Anyway, biasalah, bila dah stress2 macam ni, start la nak macam2. Surfing for pictures of adorable babies, and listening to songss.
And this time around? Mahr Zain’s For the rest of my life!!
.
.
I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found your home and sail with me
And I’m here with you
Now let me let you know
You’ve opened my heart
I was always thinkin’ that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along oh
And there is a couple of words I wanna say
For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you, loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I…I`ll be there for you
I know it deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You’re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we’re together in Jannah
All I know I found myself
I feel so strong
Yes! Every thing was changed when you came along oh
And there is a couple of words I wanna say
I know deep in my heart
And now that you’re here in front of me
I strongly feel love
I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I sing it loud that I will love you eternally
.
.
Too sweeet ahhhhh! When I was listening to this song, I kept going “so halal love man!”
Part paling tak boleh angkat?
I know it deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You’re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we’re together in Jannah
See? Halal love to the max! When you think of someone you feel blessed, and not only that, you KNOW you will be blessed! To quote someone, “kalau dah kahwin, fikir pasal dia pun dapat pahala.. rindu dia pun dapat pahala..”. Indeed:)
“pray we’re together in Jannah”.. this reminds me of an argument i got into this irritating male friend of mine. About bidadari syurga. Argh. Dont get me started. And I’m not going to comment on it until I get a clearer understanding of it. I refuse!
My friend disagreed though. This person was saying, “he’s singing it for his wife. Why would YOU need to feel anything about it?”
Actually quite true, but it’s the lyrics ah! And I guess although it wasn’t meant for us, but we can imagine that it is (not by Mahr Zain, of course). Haha! But really, I think, more than that, on a personal level, I think it made me realise how beautiful love is – if done in the most blessed way, the halal way. subhaanallah:)
So now, what happens after I get all motivated to strive for halal love and looking forward to finding someone who will ‘sing’ this song to me (not literally, but ok can:p)?
I get back to work lor.
Pragmatism at work!
.
.
.
.
.
I know it deep in my heart <3
March 12, 2010
Allah tegur aku.
Najwaa,
Allah tegur aku hari ni. Berita yang dia sampaikan kepada aku melalui telefon tu menggoncang kuat setiap sendi dalam tubuh aku.
Aku marah, Najwaa! Benda tu mungkin kecil pada pandangan orang, tapi itu sesuatu yang sangat memalukan buat aku. Aku tak tahu samada mereka tahu bagaimana perkara ini sangat menyakitkan hati. Kenapa Najwaa? Kenapa sampai macam tu sekali?
Tapi aku tahu, Najwaa. Macam mana pun, aku memang ada salahnya. Aku tahu, Najwaa. Dan aku percaya, ini cara Allah tegur aku. Kau percaya tak Najwaa?
Aku tahu kau mungkin tak percaya. Kau akan cakap aku ni berkhayal, fikir yang bukan2. Tapi aku rasa, Allah menegur hambaNya yang bersalah dengan cara yang dapat mereka rasakan dan mereka ketahui. Cuma peka tak peka sahaja. Kau tak percaya Najwaa?
Aku dapat rasakan ni sejak aku kecil lagi. Aku cuba tipu mak aku. Ditegur. Aku buat salah. Ditegur. Dan aku juga nampak banyak sangat kisah-kisah di sekeliling aku.Mereka buat salah. Mereka membuat keputusan yang salah. Mereka memilih yang salah. Satu-persatu Allah tegur mereka, Najwaa. Cuma ramai yang tak nampak. Tak kurang juga yang tak mahu nampak!
Kau tahu tak Najwaa, aku ingat lagi, aku pernah minta dengan Allah supaya bantu aku untuk tetap kepada pegangan aku, kepada batasan yang aku dah tetapkan untuk diri aku sendiri. Tapi kadang-kadang, aku terlupa Najwaa. Kadang-kadang aku langgar batasan-batasan tu. Lalu Allah tegur aku. Allah sentiasa tegur aku, buat aku tersedar sendiri.
Tapi kali ni, aku terlupa agak lama, Najwaa. Bila aku renung balik, aku rasa Allah dah banyak kali tegur aku, tapi aku tak perasan. Tapi Allah baik, Najwaa. Allah sayang aku. Allah masih tegur aku!
Aku memang marah Najwaa. Tapi aku lagi marah dekat diri aku sendiri. Kenapa aku gagal untuk mengesan teguran Allah selama ni. Kenapa baru sekarang?! Benda ni mungkin kecil untuk sesetengah orang, tapi ini batasan yang aku tetapkan sendiri, Najwaa! Mana prinsip aku?
Aku tak dapat sekang air mata ni. Aku menangis kerana malu. Aku menangis kerana aku marah dengan diri aku sendiri. Tapi aku juga menangis kerana aku gembira. Allah masih sudi tegur aku, Najwaa.
Bagaimana dengan kau Najwaa? Dah lama aku tak dengar khabar kau. Bagaimana kesihatan kau? Bagaimana iman kau? Bagaimana dengan dosa kau? Pahala kau?
Kalau ada kesalahan kau, insyaAllah, akan ada teguran dari Allah. Samada kau peka atau tidak, dan samada hati kau nak terima atau tidak, atau samada kau nak iktiraf atau tidak – Allah tegur kau, Najwaa.
Allah tegur aku..
12/3/2010, jam 9:40 malam.
It is not just a piece of cloth on my head. Or yours.
So here I was trying to print out 50 feedback forms for the event tomorrow and looking at the resources for my essay when suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt this super kuat hit on my back. It was painful ok! But I just remained stoned. I was thinking ni mesti Farah ke Banu ke siapa2 but then I thought I heard a woman’s AND a man’s voice going “baaah!” accompanying that super kuat hit (and this monolgue thingy happened very fast ok, obviously!).
Theeeeen I saw a man’s head popping out from my side. “Oh my God, I am soo sorry. We thought you were our friend. Oh my God, sorry sorry sorry” and his friend started to go sorry2 on me too.
I was dumbfounded. I just smiled. And for that few seconds, I really thought I was gonna cry. It’s like the shock plus the humiliation of being the centre of attention (coz everyone in the central library nye computer cluster had their eyes on us!!) and also the fact that some random chinese guy just smacked by back, HARD!
This is too ridiculous. And they walked out of the library, laughing out loud.
I AM IN TUDUNG, FOR GOD’S SAKE! WHAT MADE THE GUY THINK THAT HE CAN SMACK MY BACK IN THAT MANNER??!!
BECAUSE SOME TUDUNG PEOPLE THINK IT’S OK TO BE SMACKED IN THAT MANNER LA.
SOME TUDUNG PEOPLE CAN BE SMACK-ERS LAGI ADA.
I swear I am on the verge of exploding. Context: Been listening to all these tudung talks and proper behaviour that is EXPECTED to come along with a tudung-wearer recently. Ahhh I better log out before I un-bilhikmah-ly rattle things which I am not supposed to. But I am not letting this go, I promise.
March 10, 2010
Kecik-kecik habanero.
I don’t know what has gotten into me but I suddenly have the urge to blog after what seems like eons of not doing so.. Maybe it’s the stress. It’s the assignment period now. Allahul musta’an!
Anyway, I just want to blog about something that touched me deeply. Yesterday, I was staying back in school with my friend. So we were sitting on the couches at perk point la.. And I was like, engrossed with my work right, so I kept my eyes fixed on my netbook while my left hand stretched out to the water bottle on the table. So I was stretching la, in slow motion (sebab takut jatuh ke ape la kan), sekali I felt the water bottle being gently pushed into my hand. My dear friend, despite being busy herself, stretched out her hand to help push the water bottle into mine. Awwwwwww.
I know some of you might not understand. Like, what’s the big deal right? But to me it was. I was really touched by that simple gesture. To me it just shows how considerate she is. To me lah kan, if it’s like something major, like seeing your friend totally struggling with stuffs to carry and you offer, tu macam.. considerate memang lah, tapi kalau u tak offer to help then it’s like bordering on being INCONSIDERATE already. Because it becomes somewhat of a social obligation to help – not that you MUST help, but there is this idea that “you should”. So when someone does something like her, when there is totally no “you should” pun, yet you take some effort to stop doing what you yourself are doing to extend that small, small favour.. It just feels so warm and genuine, really.
Another instance was with my p5 cousin. She is so tembam and solid la seriously. Her cheeks are like botox-ed! Macam ada telur! Ahh, now I am feeling mak-mak reminiscing on the time when she used to be soooo attached to me. She didn’t like people carrying her but she would gladly allow me to do so (made me feel soo important ok!). And whenever she cried, I would just need to come over and place an arm around her and she would automatically stop crying. Coolness right?! But now she can be quite shy sometimes. Da besar mah konon. Padahal padahal. Hehe.
Ohh I have digressed! Ok ok. Anyway, yea, the whole family came over to my house the other time, and we were having lunch together. And my mum cooked tom yam and so, biasalah, ade this big bowl yang semua orang will scoop from. So we were all eating and i wanted to take the soup but not much was left. So I was having some trouble scooping it. Upon seeing that, she quickly helped me to tilt the bowl to my side so that I could scoop it easily. Sweetness la seriously. And she was like, p4 then? I felt like kissing her there and then before proceeding to violently pinch her cheeks.
Haih. I don’t know if it’s normal to find such small gestures absolutely heartwarming. But I am sure some of you can relate to whatever I have just shared. It is amazing how really small gestures can actually best highlight the kind of person you are sometimes. It’s a valuable lesson for me to reflect on. Stop waiting for a major thing to happen before deciding to extend that precious help – it is the small gestures that matter most sometimes. :)
Spread the love, ya ikhwani wa akhawati fillah. Leil mubarak!:)
December 25, 2009
And I’m baack! (Fats and all)
I know, I KNOW. But I’m baaack. :D
Felt it was time. Da terase ye benda-benda yang tak patut dirasekan. The past started to haunt me. No, I will never allow myself to return to the state I was in during my pre-university days. That was the peak of my fatness la! Now I’m not there yet (yes yes I’m just comforting myself, can’t you tell), but heeyy, let’s not wait till I get there. It will be messy. Uhuh. Oh yeah.
So I put on my track pants, my shoes (mum’s actually. WHAAAT. We’re just being economical! It’s not because I’m lazy or anything. Sheeesh, no), t-shirt and tudung belum gosok (vanity has no place when you’re worried about messy fats). Set off at 630pm and headed straight to the reservoir (walked there – from my block. QUITE a distance ok).
Reached the starting point. That little batu that marked the distance seemed to be mocking at me. Stupid batu. What do you know? It’s gonna be a breeze, Hannah. This has been done numerous times before. So did some stretching and voila, off I went.
Started jogging. After only a distance ( I refuse to reveal the exact distance. I REFUSE), I started to pant. Noo. This is NOT good. So I started to walk. Looked at the remaining distance I have to cover, and I freaked out. Why am I feeling this way?? It has never happened yaar. Stamina teruk naaah! Tak boleh jadi. So I continued walking.
Throughout the walk, there were several times when I felt like sitting down to take a breather before continuing. But I refused to allow myself that. It’s a punishment. I didn’t even jog la and I felt so tired! This is ridiculous. So I had to keep on walking. Besides, it will be maghrib very soon.
Halfway, I had the strong urge to turn back at the starting point. But something stopped me from doing so. I remembered reading somewhere that the only way to move forward is to LOOK forward. Turning back will only slow you down. So I did just that. I did just that.
After more walking, I had the urge to look back again. But this time around, I relented. I looked back. And hey, I glad I did.
I think, it is important to focus on the goal and continue moving towards it. To keep looking back and allowing yourself one too many breaks might just slow you down. In fact, it is possible that you might not even be able to reach your goal. But sometimes, I feel, looking back can actually boost your willpower. To know how far you’ve come, to know you’ve moved this far, can be a very wonderful feeling. It’s really about how you look at it, I guess. To me, looking back does not cause me to regret having left the starting point – it actually made me crave stronger for the goal.
Reached home at 745. Oh yes, I am ashamed of my horrible stamina (please don’t laugh at me!), but I’m glad that not once in that 1 hr 15 mins walk did I stop. It’s been months since I’ve last exercised (shhhh), so it’s a step forward still yaar.
And if only the world knows who you really are behind the facade and all the act. But they won’t. Because I’m not as despicable.
And all is not forgiven.
September 3, 2009
Oh, brother.
My mum shared with me a cute story this morning. My brother, who is in sec 1 this year, had his NCC Sea training yesterday and they went to Fort Canning (I think). And he was fasting. So while climbing up the hill, his friend, Steven, offered to carry his bag for him. My brother refused, saying that it will tire him to be carrying two bags.
“Never mind, I can drink water. you cannot.”
The rest of his friends, however, purposely drank in front of him, ooh-ahhing while laughing profusely.
Cheeky boys. But I’m so glad that my bro kept his fast. Alhamdulillah. Semoga menjadi seorang Muslim yang teguh berpegang pada agama dalam keadaan apa sekalipun. Good boy, adik.
I think I’m gonna reward him by slobbering kisses on him when he comes home. Although I know for certain that he will see it more of a torture than a reward, but still. He should learn to bersyukur dengan apa yang ada kan.
Abu Syafiq, you reading this?
Ni ye shi yao kuai kuai de hor. Wo xiang ni.
September 1, 2009
The Reason.
Monday was fantastic. I really enjoyed the iftar+tasmii’+usrah+tarawih session which was followed by us girls going crazy with our poses. Haha. Merepek, but it was really fun, alhamdulillah:)
Anyway, the topic for our usrah that day was light but I guess will be helpful in starting the pace for the subsequent sessions, insyaAllah. It was on on our Ramadhan resolutions. When Farah came up with the topic when we first discussed about the programme, she was sure of what she wanted. “I resolve to wear more………………”. Ok I don’t want to be shocking you guys with what she said, haha:p but basically she resolves to wear clothings with erm, more coverage -_-”. And she shared how she was talking to Fana and the latter resolved to be more patient and in control of her emotions. When I heard that, I immediately agreed. “I want to be more patient too.” And that was it. Like, not much thought was put into it after that gitula.
And then a conversation changed it all.
“Walaupun kita nak sangat perkara tu, tapi kita dahulukan kehendak Allah dulu dari kehendak diri ni.”
That was a line in the conversation that shook my heart hard. How many times a day do we prioritise what God wants, or what we know God would like us to do as His faithful servants over what WE want?
Personally, sungguh la sedikit.
Sometimes I wish I have a magical calculator or some sort of an account book that would allow me to keep track of these things – have I been accumulating more pahalas or sins? Have I been fulfilling what Allah wants more than I have fulfilled mine?
Sometimes je.
Because, most of the time, I know, I would be thrown into chaos should something like that really exists. I would be afraid of my own shadows, haunting and taunting me.
Teringat lagu time sahur dulu-dulu.
“Tuhanku, aku tidak layak untuk syurgaMu.. Tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung siksa nerakaMu.. Dari itu kurniakanlah keampunan kepada ku ampunkanlah dosa ku.. Sesungguhya Engkaulah pengampun…”
So that’s it. My Ramadhan resolution.. To be someone who tries her mightiest best to prioritise what God wants over her own wants. And hopefully, to be able to be someone who is able to encourage and inspire someone else to be one too. Even if my weak self is not able to do so, at least I do not become a liability for someone who hopes to achieve so for herself. :)
Ramadhan Mubarak everyone:)
Bila keyakinanku datang,
kasih bukan sekadar cinta,
pengorbanan cinta yang agung
ku pertaruhkan..
August 24, 2009
Stop, and smile(:
I have a tutorial tomorrow at 10am in the morning and we’re supposed to have a ‘show and tell’ segment. Can you imagine that? A show and tell for a level 3000 sociology module. Cute or what. I’ve never done something like that in my entire life ok. Serious. Serious black punye. HAHAHA. Funny not me? :D
So anw, we have to bring an item to school that sort of, tells stories on who we are, or like, special defining moments in our lives or something. What seh. I can’t think of one. I don’t have a toy or a special item kind of thing. I mean i do have special items that hold special meanings. But.. like, it just doesn’t qualify gitu..
So riigghhht. I was sitting there thinking and thinking of what to bring la. Then this module kan, it’s about life course and we talked about how to do a life satisfactory chart and talked about turning points in life and stuffs like that. So while thinking of what to bring, i was, you know, thinking about the life course and turning points as well.. Hmm:)
I’ve changed from who I used to be. Definitely. I mean, of course there are aspects of me which are still as irritating as ever, but, there are really changes that I myself have noticed.
I used to always be in a rush for everything. When i walk, especially to school, i take loonng strides. Like really long strides. When i had to go to the interchange to get some things, i’ll be back in a jiffy and sometimes I chase after bus even if kalau u think about it again, wahh like cannot make it one actually. So that’s why i usually end up coming home with like my body sweating and me panting.
But now. Not that I don’t rush anymore la. I still do. Old habits die hard they say, huhu. But I think I can now not rush? Like can slow down and smell the roses kinda thanggg. you know what i’m saying? *main2 kening*
There was this instance, I was in pink baby and we were on our way to school. Then as we were travelling along the highway, I noticed the beauuutiful clouds. Like soo cantik and magnificent, subhaanallah! Macam so white and vast, and there’s like so many layers of it.. So I was practically squealing to the girls ah.. Like, “ehhh tengookk.. lawaaaaaa” and one of them went “ah ah eh..” and the whole squealing process repeated like a few times before one of them said “macam biasa je?”. ye ke mcm biasa.. but since then it’s only rarely that i don’t think those clouds look breathtaking.
:)
A friend of mine just told me there was a solat jenazah for a brother who has passed away at 3am in the morning. It was said that he had just finished playing futsal with his friends and later on, he was found dead in the pool. Not sure what exactly happened but it’s chilling isn’t it. you can be all hooray2 and all and the next moment, God says your time is up. Some people say that you’ll be able to know that you’re dying 40 days before the day or something like that. So you can like, be mentally prepared and repent or something. But really, no one will ever be prepared for death, I think. It seizes you. So 40 days or 40 seconds, death is never to be taken lightly. you have to be prepared for death in every single moment of your life.
God.. I’m thinking about it.. How will I die? In what kind of situation? What will I be doing when malakul maut comes to take me away? Will I be able to bid my goodbyes? Will I be surrounded by my loved ones? Will it be a long-term pain I suffer from or will it be one swift motion that ends it all? And the ting-a-ling question: WHEN will I die?
I sent out an sms to a friend this afternoon. And it was surprising that it didn’t reach to her when I asked her about it at 12 midnight. So I had to explain the whole process again and she asked me things which she did not understand. Then after I’ve finised explaining and we were discussing about other stuffs, suddenly she told me that she has received the sms. I was like, haiyaa merepek la this sms and joked about it getting sesat and all. Biase la, me and my lame nonsense la kan. Then she was like, takpela, it’s better that way because she it is only after my explanations and having her questions answered will she be able to understand the sms.
So, if the sms came to her right after I send it, I will still have to wait for tonight when we get online to be able to explain to her the details. See. Sometimes we really do want to hasten things and we have it all planned.. And we get angry or unhappy if things don’t go as planned. Maybe if we think hard enough, there is a good reason for it, kan? :)
I think wanting to be efficient and prompt and all is still important. But sometimes, it is important to take more pauses, observe longer and breathe deeper. I think, by doing so, I am able to relax my mind and let it look into things from different perspectives.. And realising things that I used to take for granted. It’s refreshing, you know. Suddenly life is so much more meaningful.. you find meanings in life in the littlest of things; in a kid’s eyes and laughter, in an old person’s wrinkled smile, in the magnificent clouds, in the line of ants making their way from one end to another..
Haa. I think I know what to bring for tomorrow’s show and tell already:D But for now, it’s time to shut up and sleep. Heh.
Slow down and smell the roses, will you?
May we all have a blessed, meaningful ramadhan. Baarikillahumma lanaa fii syahri ramadhaan!
August 19, 2009
Besok.
Besok. I’m dreading besok. Besok is dreaded. Much much much.
Have u ever been in a situation when u just can’t think? when u totall_ (cannot t_pe out the letter, rmmbr?) space out, staring hard at something in front of u, when actuall_ what u see is nothing?
Have u ever tried holding back ur tears from streaming down and then u just give up because u just can’t do an_thing to stop it from rolling down ur cheeks?
Have u ever been amidst a crowd and _et u feel a deafening silence around u? like u’re all alone in a vacuum, _et u can still see people passing u?
Have u ever felt ur heart so heav_ that u could just stumble forward – face down – and not get up?
Have u ever felt that it’s better that u not wake up tomorrow if it’s arrival is just to make the dreaded moment come true?
Have u ever felt all those things and understood them perfectl_ but people accused u of not being able to understand?
I have.
Wallahi, please make du’a for me. Terima kasih. :)
May 2, 2009
Excuse me, do I have The Look?
A few days ago, cekza and I were waiting for the BTC bus at the bus stop. So then it came. We moved forward, getting ready to board the bus. The bus slowed down, but to our surprise, it didn’t stop and just drove off. We tried chasing after it but apparently it didn’t work. One can only imagine the outrage.
“HOOOI. Ape seeh?”
“Ah ah seh! Kite tak tahan eh?”
“Sejak bile BTC kene tahan? Tak pernah tau pun!”
“Ah ah seh. Banyak kali per tak tahan pun dia stop!”
“Aku rase, kite takde the NUS look tak?”
I know it was our fault la largely coz we didn’t flag the bus. We took for granted the fact that the bus would always stop. I guess we were wrong. But something about cekza’s sentence made me ponder over it for a long, long while.
The NUS look.
So what’s the NUS look? We were having our Idols, villains and jesters lecture when the lecturer started asking for our opinions on how his puppet should look like should he want to depict is as an NUS student.
“T-shirt!”
“Bermudas!”
“SLIPPERRRRRRS!”
And we had a good time laughing over it. Coz really, we can all relate to that. Keluar lecture, dalam lecture, masuk lecture, beratur beli juice, beratur kedai makcik, nak submit term paper.. SEMUA LA! Tak habes2 dengan image yang sebegitu. Like totally nak pegi pasar punye look. I’m not saying it’s bad la, just saying je. :D
But then again, it doesn’t really do justice to those who dress differently pulak la kan? Let me ask again, so what IS the NUS look? Oh, says another lecturer. It depends on which faculty you come from you see.
No kidding.
Go to ARTS and you see girls dolling themselves up to the max. Super short dresses that would qualify as blouses, make up all set to last till next week, long flowy hair like they’re some Korean superstars. So glamorous! Phee-wit!
Go to Science? Haha. you’ll see trek pants and backpacks everywhere. ‘Nuff said.
I’m sure by now I will have people violently protesting to these images kan? It’s like, eee-yeeeaaaaaaah, that’s kinda true, BUT what about the chio science girls?? The nerdy arts students??
And girls who dress like they’re from some kampung or orthodox pesantren? (sometimes quoting yourself is the best example, ya).
NOT ALL OF US DRESS IN A STEREOTyPICAL MANNER OK HANNAH.
Ok. I hear you. LOUD AND CLEAR. :p
It’s interesting isn’t it, how people associate certain looks with a certain personality, or a certain instituition even kan. I’ve had people asking me which madrasah was I from and they would go: “Oh yeaah u have the maarif look.”
What? I was in Maarif for 10years and I didn’t know maarif has a ‘look’. And if my close friends are whom I were to look for in looking for this ‘look’ (no puns intended), then it’s one helicopter mixture of a very confusing ‘look’ lah oh my God.
And of couse, of course. I am also one of those who form my initial impressions on people based on their looks. A LOT. hihi. One look (or, erm, sniff), and I’ll go “ni mesti bukan cine sini”. See. Judgemental much.
Buuuuuuuut korang paham kan kenapa?
A first look at that guy I saw in school and I went “oh ni mesti the baik2 type…..”
Until I had the 6th careful and deliberated look and saw something else. *main2 kening*
Saw a girl who gave me the impression that she belongs to those people who think highly of themselves, but always so lowly of others. And now she’s a good friend of mine. (please sense the repentance. And no, no way I’m gonna tell u the identity.)
So there. Two miserably failed attempts in assessing someone’s goodness based on his/her looks.
But I’ve also seen another guy. First look, “wah. ni rili2 seem like the baik2 type.”
4th look nampak kat masjid.
5th look nampak kat masjid.
6th look nampak kat luar masjid.
So kire, insyaAllah betul la tu.:p (K ni ugut sampai mati pun tak gune. I dun have a clue who this person is. Seriously).
Biba, cekza and I were practising some nomadic mugging at Singapore’s very own CHANGI AIRPORT (Ridiculously crowded la the place.) And we were walking across the like, I dunoe what area lah, yg where you’re supposed to check in your luggages and stuffs right? Ah situ la. Then right, there was a whole group of I supposed Bangladeshi workers. And guess whom we saw terselt among them? 3 policemen. Standing guard. Fierce seh. And the 3 policemen pun, 2 of them were Indians and one of them was a Malay. If I were to strip the 2 Indian policemen of their uniforms (sounds very wrong but U GET WHAT I MEAN LA), pakai kan dia baju like one of those workers, they would blend in perfectly. Just like if I were to do that to some successful, atas Indian businessman here in Singapore.
Definitely reminded me of Skolnick’s “symbolic assailant”. Basically it’s about doubting or like, perceiving someone as a potential criminal solely based on his looks. This is especially an issue when it comes to policemen patrolling the streets and choosing whom to stop and ask that kinda thing. My lecturer shared his funny (and cheeky!) experience with us.
He was walking home alone from work at night. He had just finished conducting a training session for the police force (the irony) and was dressing casually. He spotted a police car patrol across the road which was slowing down as if to observe him. And u know what he did? He turned to look at them, and then just as swiftly, looked away before quickening his pace. Lol. The car did a u-turn and soon they caught up with him and slowed down. They wind down the window and asked him to stop.
“Where are you going?”
(not making any eye contacts) “There” (pointed to his flat).
“Really? What are you going to do there?”
“Going home (still not looking at them)”
“Where’s your work permit?”
“I don’t have one” Because I have an IC LA!
And the whole of LT9 was roaring in laughter.
So many examples eh. But I’m POSITIVE there are many, many more of such examples. It is a natural tendency to develop preconceptions based on our first look, our first conversation, etc. Myself included. But it is a problem when we let it dictate our every step (usually unconsciously) and I’ve got to admit, there are several times in which my hastened judgements clouded my rationality. And it took several great pains for me to realise this. Unfortunately though, the lessons haven’t seem to really sink in. However, I will try my very best to not let it happen again, at least consciously. True enough, there are certain looks which we can safely associate with certain meanings. However, we should be careful to not be quick in ‘punishing’ or ‘praising’. Afterall, we have to be fully aware that not everyone fits into our limited ideas on how The Look should look like, or how people with The Look should behave. Just like those two girls who missed their bus on that fateful day (Still sore lor). “O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin..” (Alhujuraat:12) P/s: My sincerest apologies if I have offended anyone with this humble post of mine. No offence intended. :) Thank you Allah, for the blessings today.
April 27, 2009
Thoughts on thoughts.
“If daily consumption is routine consumption, then peak consumption is characterized by de-routinization….
For consumption to be a peak experience, either the object of consumption or the mode of consumption are new or scarce in daily reality….
Peak consumption is about the romanticization and enjoyment of life.”
- Ning Wang, 2002, The Tourist as Peak Consumer.
I wonder, does this apply to humans too? Then how is one supposed to de-routinize oneself?
Psst. I find this brilliantly depressing.
[edited] I remember watching yes man! I adored the randomness of the leading couple in deciding things to do. There was this instance when they decided to go on a holiday. They had no idea where they were going, they just packed their bags and got themselves to the airport. Upon reaching, they went to the ticketing counter and asked for the first flight out, and being a dork in physical geography (laugh la korang dua), it was this some weird-sounding place which I can’t remember. It’s cool ok. I’m so gonna do it one day if possible. InsyaAllah. Hehe! Ah, maybe she’s right. De-routinizing is crucial in enjoying life. Come to think of it, it will definitely do me good after all this mugging. yummy. Just the thought of it is enticing! It gives life to the monotonous period of mugging – it gives a thought to be looked forward to, waiting to be materialized. mmm- mm! Come darlings, let’s fantasize to de-routinize.
There you have it! My love-hate relationship with sociology. Chapter 1. Hurhur.
April 13, 2009
Oh how about love.
You know, I was talking to my friend the other day. I was just relating how marriage is so scary nowadays. Mana-mana we hear of stories of cheating spouses. And also how love is all based on superficial factors. It’s just very scary ah seriously. So my friend was saying, apa nak takut, if we are good spouses ourselves, then we will be able to get good spouses mah.
Yes, that’s true. But..
What if, God wants to test this good person through his marriage? Say, he is a good husband and a fillial servant of Allah, but his wife cheats on him. Bukan takde sejarah pun. Tengok je kisah Nabi Luuth, Nabi Nuh.. They all had wives who were the complete opposite of them.
So, how, I ask you? Scary right? Tsk tsk.
A pretty, pretty friend of mine who was recently engaged, once told me of her mother’s advice. It was something like,
You must be good to your mother-in-law. Because you see, the love of a husband for wife can be temporaral. So to make it last, you must tie it to something more lasting, which is the love of a son for his mother. If you’re good to his mother, you’ll make him very happy and he’ll end up loving you more.
If I’m not mistaken, gitu ah argument dia. Sorry ye kalau salah tapi macam betul ah. Heh.
But yes, makes sense, doesn’t it? A loving mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Gi dengar syarahan same2, shopping same2.. Bring it on. *main2 kening*
There was another friend who argued differently. He said, the only way to have a lasting marriage is to base the love for something ETERNAL. Which is, sebagaimana yang kite semua tau, GOD la. So he was saying, if he’s going to married, he will make sure that the reason he gets married is for God and God alone. Baru boleh cakap “Ana uhibbuki fillah” (I love you for the sake of Allah).
Nice. BUT..
When he said that, several things crossed my mind. Firstly, if the marriage is strictly for God, then, when do I as an individual comes in? I mean, kalau macam tu, any fatimah aminah or zainab can be the wife lah. Then what’s so special about me then? Then, if you follow this line of argument, you normally would say that when one marries someone for God, it kinda mean that you’re marrying the person for her religiosity. Ok, that’s nice la, but then surely I am not the most religious of all women. So what happens when there’s someone more religious than I am? Jeng jeng jeng. *kerut2 kening*
Secondly (and I am asking this with utmost sincerity and not a tinge of sarcasm hokey), HOW do you love someone STRICTLY for Allah? Like, really, HOW? Even when you love Rasulullah, it’s because of the stories we heard about him kan. Perjuangannya, kepimpinannya, his greatness as a family man.. You know what I mean? Jadi macam mana? I mean, even if you love someone for his religiosity, other factors will also come in ape. Like, for example.
“oh he’s so religious and very caring towards his ikhwah”
“oh he’s so religious and he has a certain charm when conveying his da’wah”
“oh he’s so religious and he is a good son“
You get what I mean taak. Haih.
Ok, some people might argue that loving someone for Allah is like the love a Muslim has for his brother. Like, how, say, somehow we have this strong feeling towards our ikhwah in palestine ke kan? Ok, maybe that, but to make someone your LIFE PARTNER? Is that ALL?
Do share with me if any of you guys have figured out, what’s loving for Allah is like, exactly. Boleh ehk? ;)
*********************************************************************************************************************************************
So, while we’re on the topic kan. I just want to share with you guys this very interesting book (which I shouldve done so waay back ah. But remember my MIA period from the blog? Ah, that’s why. Heh). So basically, this book is like a guidebook to a happy marriage like that la. But wait, before you dismiss this off as yet another typical, boring panduan perkahwinan.. I must say that I had the same preconception as well.. BEFORE reading the book, that is. I mean, ok, I admit, I ACTUALLY LIKE to read those boring panduans ok. Sampai da macam, able to predict the contents of a book before reading it. Sebab basically, macam same ah. But when I read this, I thought the author had lots of original ideas. And the stories yang she selitkan in between, I don’t know eh, I just find them enlightening, really:)
One of the most touching parts of the book kan, is this love letter written by a husband to his wife. Like, the wife did some mistakes ah, was negligent or something, and instead of scolding her or buat perangai, he WROTE HER A LOVE LETTER INSTEAD. How sweet kan! Here’s an excerpt of it:
“Isteriku yang tercinta, aku tidak menulis surat ini kecuali kerana aku menyintaimu. Engkau telah rela menjadikan ku sebagai suami dan aku telah menghibahkan (menghadiahkan) hidupku untukmu. Aku mengatakan kepada diriku, inilah seorang ibu dan isteri, inilah kasih sayang dan ketenangan, inilah hembusan angin Syurga yang ada di rumah ku, maka aku mengajak mu dan kita sama-sama menaiki perahu yang menuju ke pelabuhan bahagia di sisi Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih. Tetapi, tiba-tiba aku mendapatkan badai di jalan yang kita lalui dan angin yang berhembus. Jika kita berdua tidak berhati-hati, maka kita akan kehilangan kendali perahu dan kehilangan arah. Aku mengatakan kepada diriku sendiri, “Tidak! Aku tidak akan meninggalkan perahu tenggelam, maka aku ambil pena dan kertas, dan aku tulis surat teguran. Teguran dari seorang kekasih kepada kekasihnya….”.
Amacam! Nice kan? *main2 kening dengan kuat sekali* That’s why this book is different. Besides the numerous advices and tips on how to handle different scenarios, these kind of things are included as well. And I like how the author included little, little details that we tend to overlook and take for granted. :)
So really, other than the language used (tah sape tah pengalih bahasa dia.), the content is highly recommendable. Bab bahasa tu, sudahlah, marilah kita saling memaafi( HAHA:p). Yang penting tu CONTENT nya ye CONTENT nye. :p
So to those yang belum kahwin tapi nak kahwin, or yang kenal orang2 yang nak dekat kahwin or dah kahwin, sile lah.. Do visit the muslim bookstores and look for this book. Belek2 sket, and then decide on it. InsyaAllah tak rugi ;)
So it’s priced at $15, and besides getting it from Darul Andalus, Muslimedia and other bookstores, you can also get this book (and other books from the same company) at http://www.alfawzaan.com/.
Sokonglah industri buku-buku agama tempatan :p
April 5, 2009
My 3 months left.
See la. Bile tak blog senyap sampai 80 hari (or so a certain someone claimed). Da start blog, berturut2 plak. hurhur.
So anyway, I just want to share something. I think, just like anyone else who have yet to perform the hajj, I’ve always prayed that I will be able to do so before I pass away. And during ramadhan, i have this habit of going on youtube and look for the melodious recitations of the surahs and qunut during tarawih prayers by the imams. And of course, personal favs are imam mishary, imam ghamidi and imam sudais. Just listening to them can make you weep. Ape lagi if you pray belakang dorang, dalam bulan ramadhan, in MASJIDIL HARAAM, performing pilgrimage.. Labbaikallahumma labbaik!
I remembered going to tarawih with cekza at masjid kassim. Right after we went to darul ma’wa children’s home for the tongues and heart programme. The imam for that day was ust hafiizh rapiiee. And he was reading surah arrahmaan, and the way he read it mcm imam mishary. Then he read the qunut. The qunut he was reciting was quite different from the ones I normally dengar from the local imams. Meaning power punye. Ape lagi, it got me and cekza weeping teresak2. Tu baru ust hafiizh.. So I kept telling myself, satu hari, i really really really really wanna pray blakang imam sudais in masjidil haraam.. :)
You know, I had the weirdest dream quite some time ago. I was sitting in this room, and there was this doctor breaking this horrifying piece news of me. Wanna know what she said? She said:
“You have only 3 months to live.”
I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to react. I was expecting myself to cry and wail or whatever, but I just didn’t. I just sat there, looked down, and suddenly I was having this monologue with myself..
“Hannah, takmu sedih. Kan you’ve already prayed to God, that your life won’t be taken away from you unless you’re ready for it? Just concentrate on being the best muslimah you can, and leave the rest to Allah…
You are ready, insyaAllah.”
Yeah right la. Sheesh. I bet I if that really happens.. Na’uzubillah, but.. At least mesti nangis punye ahh. Confirmed.
After that weird dream, something happened that made me think about the weird dream. Weird I tell you. Tsk tsk. Takpelah, doakan ye semua:D
Anyway, then I had another weird dream. I was suddenly in front of MASJIDIL HARAAM! Betuuul. I was with my mum and this other person. And my mum and I were like tak sabar to masuk masjid la, when this person was like all, “aiya, let’s go home la..” I got so pissed off and chided him “Look at you! You’re right in front of masjidil haraam and you want to go home when other people can’t wait to get in?? What’s the mater with you?? What happened to your faith?? (yucks seh nak marah orang macam tu. hurhur)” So then he was like, ok ok. Come let’s go in together, and he started to chant kalimatuttauhiid over and over again.
Weird rigght.
Then ok, da masuk masjid, then my mum and I macam masuk this room. It’s super small la, like some local masjid punye ruang solat wanita. Ade curtains. And the funny thing was, the room was like, half-full with budak2 madrasah. Some were in their uniforms. And they were making a din. Macam kecoh2. I got so pissed off (again! haish) and approached them. “Eh, korang kat MASJIDIL HARAAM TAU. yang korang kecoh2 ni kenapa?” “dia ah ni merepek blablabla”. then i cudn’t be bothered coz the imam was about to start praying. so i went to the saff paling depan and stood beside my mum.
“Allaaahu akbar.”
!!!! Is that imam Sudais i’m listening to?? Then it started to sink in.. Is my dream coming true now?? Then suddenly I was like, eehhh lepas ni boleh pegi Madinah! Then suddenly, so suddenly, there was this very very strange feeling.. and i started crying uncontrollably..
I was suddenly missing Rasulullah saw. And MISSING is an understatement ah. Not that I’ve never missed him before, but this time around, it was very very different. Macam it realy felt like I’ve known him for a long long time, and I haven’t been meeting him.. You know.. that kind of feeling. It’s amazing I tell you. I swear it was the strangest but in a good way feeling I’ve ever felt in a dream.
And I can actually recall the feeling. Rindu sangat sangat sangat sangat. Ya Rasulallah, khuz biaidiina!:’(
Then just now. I was teaching at alkaff kan.. Then ade solat jenazah. In my 21 years of living, that was the first time ever I tengok how solat jenazah was being done ok. It was very.. I dunoe eh.. I stopped teaching for awhile, and my girls and I were just looking down at them praying. Seriously, it felt so.. Tak tau ape nak cakap. :)
I know this is yucky, but KALAU LA, betul, I were to die soon.. I just wanna apologise for all my wrongdoings. Halalkan eh kalau ade terhutang piutang sume. hihi. Do’akan hannah selalu ok? :)
Uhibbukum fillaah. :)
Mungkin, memang ade sebabnye awak risaukan kite. :)
Just wondering out loud,
Umm Sofiyyah.
4:14pm.
April 4, 2009
All Grown Up.
Haaaaaai! I know, I know. I thought I wouldn’t be posting anything else too. Hehe! But I guess I’ve yet to have the courage to abandon this blog totally. Nyehnyeh.
Last week was totally yucky. I had 3 deadlines in one week! Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Can you imagine that?? That’s the yuckiest string of deadlines throughout my semesters in sch. Haiseh. But hamdan lillah, everything is now over. Two more deadlines to meet, yep! But not as crazy as last week definitely. Phew~
Allow me to just share my term paper topics ok. The one due on Monday was my sociology of deviance paper. Guess what did we do on? Guess lah.. Haha. We did on NIQAB! Tau niqab? Yang tutup muke tu.. As many of my friends would say: “Macam ninja!”. So what we were doing was basically trying to establish that niqab is seen as a deviant act in Singapore, and we tried to further contextualise the issue by relating it to the multicultural ideology as elaborated by Geoffrey Benjamin (1975). The idea was suggested by the tutor for our module. He’s just so smart seriously. Too smart sampai after our consultation, my partner and I were LITERALLY having headaches! No kidding! Never knew that thinking so hard can cause headaches ok! Luckily a hero came to rescue. Who else but your friendly neighbourhood, dean’s list sociology major, on his way to 1st class hons hero! No points for guessing. ;) So yep! Really hoping to get a good grade for this paper. InsyaAllah, biizinillah. :)
The Wednesday paper was my social theory paper. That is by far, the yuckiest module I’ve taken. Kalau tak compulsory, memang I would not have even considered taking it. Argh. Guess what I did on. The concept of ‘anomie’ but NOT as defined by Durkheim! I did the one defined by Robert Merton. I think I’ve been greatly brainwashed by my sociology of deviance lecturer. hihi. And I totally did asal boleh. It’s crappy, and I’m just praying that I’ll be able to get at least a pretty decent grade. Haih~
And and, the Friday paper was my sociology of tourism paper. It’s weird la this module, in the sense that it is different from the normal soci modules I’ve taken. It’s very anthro. It was done by the 3 of us. I think this is the first time I’m doing a paper with 2 people whom I’ve never known before. The first I did that was for my social psychology paper.. But at least my friend was with me. It’s an interesting experience, I must say. Ha ha. So we tried looking into the idea of the perfect holiday for the Singaporean Tourist, and we basically used Eugenia Peck’s thesis as a framework while adding new categories and proposals in our paper. Hope this goes well too. Hurhur.
And my essay due this coming Thursday, is for my Southeast Asian module: Idols, villains and jesters. And guess what, I haven’t even chosen a topic for it. *wails* But I’m considering on either the Arqam movement or on Malay shamans and black magic. Argh I can’t decide, and I’m too lazy to decide today. Pemalas na’uzubillah, as my mum would say. Hihi.
Why on earth am I rattling on about my term papers? Sorry ah, I suddenly feel like it. Hurhur.
Then, in the midst of my suffering in writing up term papers, I was reminded of a particular incident which happened during one of Madrasah Graduates’ Network event. (What is MGN? aha, I’ll tell you next time, insyaAllah. betol. serious la. jangan ketawa. tsk.) I invited my friend over to give a talk on Universiti Malaya since she’s doing her BA there. So then she came with two other pple, and one of them was our classmate. So then they were sitting down, and I approached them. An interesting conversation took place:
A: “Hannah.. kau da besar.”
Me: “Ah?? Aku da gemuk?? *muke cemas*”
N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A: “No no. I mean you’ve grown without me”
Me: “SIDEWAYS YOU MEAN? OH NOOO *looks at self*”
N: HAHAHAHAHAAH! A, I think you need to tarik balek ape yang kau cakap tadi. She’s still like how she was!”
Nyehnyeh. Ah the good old days. We all used to be close. And A, being one or two years older and us, and being blessed with a very sisterly-like personality (or motherly. hehe!) would always ‘take care’ of us. I’m missing those days :)
So back to what she said, I don’t know what could’ve triggered her to make such comment.. How have I ‘grown up’? But come to think of it, after some reflections, I think I have. I have come to change some of my perspectives, and I think, I will now react differently to certain situations as compared to how I would in the past. What have changed me? Lots and lots of things, I must say. But I hope it’s for the better. I pray that it is. And please, do pray for me too ya?
For I’ve grown without you.
Just wondering out loud,
Umm Sofiyyah.
4th April 2009
7:40 pm
January 23, 2009
The reasons why.
Yess. I know I know I know. But I’m sure my silence did bring joy to many jugak. Haha.
Ok anyway, I have been super duper busy. Betul ah tak bedek. SUPER THICK readings aside (I MEAN IT TAAU), I have been (probably unnecessarily) adding things on my super tiny plate. Macam boleh handle only kan. I dunoe la. But do make prayers for me ya.
So what else have I been busy with? Panjang nak story. Maybe I can post up some pictures though. *Grins*
They are simply some of the most amaaaaazing people I’ve ever met in my entire life. No kidding here. May Allah bless them all. Ameen ameen ameen. (http://apexmentors.wordpress.com)
Credits to the lovely lovely syamid for the lovely lovely logo. Yay for syamid!! And I sure hope this will take off soon! Ameeeeen!
Level 2 Module 1 (Habluminannaas)
|
Topic |
Scope / Points of Discussion |
Focus / Emphasis Strategies, Activities and Teaching Points |
Resources |
|
My personal development
|
Def. of “baligh” – from the physical, emotional, psychological, social aspects |
Function and responsibilities related to baligh What are the indicators to ‘measure’ an individual’s maturity? |
PPT materials |
|
My sexuality |
Sexual orientation in Islam VS current understanding Tafsir of Surah An-Nisaa, 4:34 Tafsir of Surah Al-’Araf, 7:80-84, Surah Hud, 11:77-83, Surah Al-Hijr, 15:58-77, An-Naml, 27:54-58 & Surah Al-Ankabut, 27:28-35 Scientific point of view on sexual identity determination |
Wisdom of gender differences and sexual responsibilities. Students research and present an analysis of the story of Lut and his people. They are to reflect on what has happened today. Issues of gender anomalies from scientific and Islamic perspective. Are gays born or nurtured?
|
Quran / ST article by Andy Goh / Newsclippings on the parliamentary debate on Article 377(A) Penal Code |
|
My special one & I BGR |
Adab of having relations with the opposite sex (non-mahram) Importance of protecting our chastity. Concept of “love” in Islam
|
Permissible relations and how to conduct oneself when dealing with non-mahrams. Tafsir of Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:35. ‘Loving someone for the sake of Allah’ – What does it mean? Importance of making wise choices in conducting and developing healthy relationships |
PPT materials |
|
Wise up on sex NB : Ask students if they would be more comfortable discussing in gender-exclusive groups or otherwise. Respect the wishes of the minority as it is important that everyone is comfortable. Teachers need to suspend judgement and allow students to share freely and safely. Let the students arrive at the realisation of the right thoughts, behaviours and strategies by themselves. |
Function & responsibilities of sex & sexual behaviour in nature & society. Respecting yourself and your bodies. Dealing with sexual urges/curiosity - Prophet’s advice (see Hadith 3 below). Understanding oneself and avoiding areas of weakness Resisting temptation, peer pressure
|
Discuss the best ways to avoid pre-marital sexual relationship. Discuss Tafsir Al Furqan, 25:54, Al-’Araf, 7:189, Ar-Rum, 30:21. Identify risky thoughts & behaviours – what is at stake (STIs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, etc.) Get students to research on STIs, statistics of unwanted pregnancies and abortions to share with the class. Identify strategies to strengthen oneself against temptation. Withstanding media and peer influence. Make references to discussions at Level 1 (lessons of Surah At-Tin) so that students realise that they have what it takes to do the right thing at crunch time.
|
PPT materials / 2-day (spread over two weekends) workshop by guest speaker (trained youth counsellor / adolescent psychologist) / Get students to work in groups to design a PPT presentation campaigning against pre-marital sex |
This just shouts out : HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPP!!! Imagine me teaching these things (and more of such things ok) to a bunch of 15-16 year olds (sungguh tak layak rase diri ini. tsk tsk) Some with much angst and erm.. I dunoe la.. Laa haula wa laa quwwata illaa billahil ‘aliyyil azhiim! Doakan k k k.
..and last but not least… this!
hahaha. k i noe. ni bedek. heheh. btw abu syafiq, if you’re reading this, i super love the camera! mmmmuah! miss you:)
So yes, basically I’ve been busy with these stuffs and more. I have a few things to post though. Beautiful, enlightening lessons I’ve been given the opportunity to learn from. Subhaanallah. Hamdan lillah. But maybe not today. Maybe later. Mabe next week. Maybe next month. Lol. Till then, ilalliqa’ beautiful people. :)
January 4, 2009
To what extent, people?
I remembered going for one of my tutorial classes. I couldn’t remember the topic we were discussing on, but somehow my tutor related to two particular incidents.
There was once an undergraduate, a scholar I think, who was on an exchange programme. And she died because of some asthma attack or something like that. Her death was on the news, and people were like mourning her death and things like that. It was a big deal.
Not that it shouldn’t have been. But.
There was once an undergraduate. A NORMAL undergraduate. She met with a fatal accident and it was described as a gory one. My tutor even said that, the traffic lights near the junction were not there before the accident.
But her death was not as ‘big’ as the scholar’s who died on an exchange programme.
“It’s sad isn’t it? Even the value of your life depends on the kind of education you go through, the kind of social status you have, the kind of country you live in..”
I won’t be surprised if the death of ONE ‘young, talented and full of potential lawyer’ was grieved more miserably by a total stranger than the death of 436 people (and still counting). Because that one person was a an innocent victiom of terror, a person who was full of life and potential. The 436 people are instead, people who are doomed to die anyway. Their fault lah. Siapa suruh diberanakkan di tempat yang macam tu, ye tak? Oh yes, and should I add? They are but unfortunate ‘collateral damages’ in an act of defense, in a war against the raging and dangerous terror. Their deaths are unfortunate, but still justified anyway. Ye tak?
http://walid-jumblatt.blogspot.com/2008/12/terrorism-after-singapores-first-victim.html
It’s really sickening to see the kind of double stand system the world operates on. And yet you hear fights for justice and equality from the very people who violate them outright. Absolutr hypocrisy. I agree with a friend of mine. Sometimes, I do feel like retreating into a cave and just hide myself from the harsh world outside. Ignorance is bliss at times. At desperate times.
4. Verily, We created man of the best stature (mould),
5. Then We reduced him to the lowest of the low.
(Surah At-Tiin).
The lowest of the low, after being the best of the best.
December 24, 2008
Stop it.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Marah. Saya sedang marah. Marah marah marah! Ade ke patot! TAK PATOT! MEMANG TAK PATOT!!
*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees*
I don’t get it. Ok I do, but it’s still hard to digest. Why is PHYSICAL APPEARANCE so very important? Why is it always used as a yardstick in judging people, TIME AND AGAIN?
I know physical appearance is important la. It IS to me too. Like most girls (and women), I fuss over my looks too. I am terrified of gaining weight (although now I feel like getting more and more nonchalant over it- there are MORE important things to fuss about – sour grapes ah tu hannah. hahaha), and I have proclaimed to most of those close to me that I am in love with Arman from the Hikmah series (Gunawan) because of his oh-s0-macho look which was oozing with charisma. Dah lah romantic, caring, penyabar, ada leadership qualities.. Haihh~
Ohhhh. I’ve digressed. Sorry about that. It always happens when Arman is the topic. HEH.
Anyway, yes. My point is, physical appearance is indeed a factor to consider in many cases, even in marriages.
“Dinikahi wanita itu kerana 4 perkara ini…kerana kekayaannya, kerana kedudukannya, kerana kecantikannya dan kerana agamanya.. maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”
(Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)
Yes. Even the Prophet has acknowledged that fact. And in a separate hadith, a sahabat was asked to look at his future wife first before proceeding to marry her. Yes, yes yes. It is a human nature to like things pretty and beautiful. I remembered when I was younger, I tended to gravitate towards the ’aunties’ and ‘uncles’ whom I think are better-looking. Seriously. Tu kecik2 tau. Belum tau apape lagi. So yes, it is a natural inclination to be inclined to beauty, I guess. But the question is, to what extent should it be a determining factor in say, marriages??
Say someone is already very keen in settling down. He kept ‘merisiking’ one girl after another. Unfortunately he was rejected time and again. Someone took pity on him and reccommended someone else. He rejected her flatly because he thinks that she is “not that pretty”. And mind you, SHE’S NOT EVEN ‘UGLY’, FAT OR ANYTHING! She’s sweet jugak ah even!
Isn’t it funny? He kept trying his luck with one girl after another, continuously being rejected but still very adamant not to accept anyone less ‘prettier’ than the girls he had approached. Youch!
&& the ‘cute’ thing is, he’s not even good-looking himself! He’s far from a svelte figure, not really dashing, lacking of charisma.. If you wanna talk about looks strictly la kan.. He’s lacking in it too!
Scenario di atas adalah rekaan. :|
I am not saying that one should totally ignore the physical aspect.. I mean, I myself do have that as a consideration as well la kan. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. I was feeling guilty because among the list of criterias I am looking for a soulmate ade jugak la kan yang “sedap mata memandang”. I was asking her, am I being superficial in my judgement? Should I totaly strike that off my list? Should I totally not care even if he is not “sedap mata memandang”? She gave me an answer which I think made sense..
“Mak kite cakap kan wak, it’s ok to choose someone with his looks as a factor. Sebab kan, this is the guy you will face everyday, the one you wake up to next in bed everyay.. So you do have the right.”
Betul. Betul ah. Memang betul. Tapi what is “sedap mata memandang” can have the widest range ever imagined! Ade orang yang asal ade dua mata, hidung and mulut tu kire ok la. Ade nak kena macam Angelina Jolie baruuuu la “sedap mata memandang”.
Entah lah. I know this is up to the individuals’ choices and preferencs. But I think sometimes we forget. Looks and physical appearances are not within the individual’s locus of control.. Not everyone has the genes. If given a choice, everyone will want to be gorgeous and perfect. But they can’t. And I sometimes think we are too punishing in this area, padahal it is not even their fault.
Haih.
For example, we know of someone who is attractive physically but ends up marrying someone who is less attractive.
“Ee tak kene seh.”
“De kan handsome. Asal amek si dekni plak.”
“Tak sajak betul.”
And we’ll try very very hard to fathom why the person ends up choosing her, especially if the calon before was a prettier woman.
“Da baik2 dengan yang lawa tu tak jadi plak. Tu lagi kene seh.”
See what I mean???????
Urghh.
We forget that there are other MORE IMMEDIATE AND IMPORTANT factors to be considered.
“…maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”
And we forget that in Allah’s eyes, it’s not the wealth nor the looks that matter. It’s the taqwa, the deeds that are ultimately being weighed on the miizaan.
I always forget. How forgetful.
:(
Dah lah. I am crapping again. I leave you with this cute video clip ok? Mesti dah penah tgk tapi takpe. tengok je. Byebye.
Yang mencintai aku.. apa adanya..
December 22, 2008
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.
So the results will be out tomorrow. 11am, to be exact. I am terrified now, my feet are starting to get cold (they always do, but this time I know why. heh), I am beginning to feel sick in the stomach and I forget to breathe more often. Arghh.
Ni baru dapat results kat dunia. Kalau dapat ‘results’ kat akhirat macam mana ehk?
When the first man to the last man await for their deeds to be weighed on the miizaan..
1. On that, day people will return towards their Lord being in different ways, so that they may he shown their deeds.
2. Then whosoever has done good of an weight of an atom shall see it.
3. And whosoever has done evil of an weight of an atom shall see it.
Yet,
Then Adam received from his Lord Words . And his Lord pardoned him (accepted his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who forgives (accepts repentance), the Most Merciful. (2:37)
And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49:12)
How Merciful Allah is. All I need is tawbah, tawbatan nasuuha, and I’ll be forgiven for my sins which otherwise will likely cause me to burn in hell. And yet I still enjoy committing sins more than anything else. Shame on me, shame on me.
Oh. I’ve almost clean forgotten. Tomorrow is also the day I will get to know of another result, more terrifying than my exam results.
Laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus’aha; Allah does not oblige a soul save to the extent of its capacity..
But it’s ok to still be scared right? Because I am.
So in times like this, I miss my safety blanket. I really, really do.
