My mum shared with me a cute story this morning. My brother, who is in sec 1 this year, had his NCC Sea training yesterday and they went to Fort Canning (I think). And he was fasting. So while climbing up the hill, his friend, Steven, offered to carry his bag for him. My brother refused, saying that it will tire him to be carrying two bags.

“Never mind, I can drink water. you cannot.”

The rest of his friends, however, purposely drank in front of him, ooh-ahhing while laughing profusely.

Cheeky boys. But I’m so glad that my bro kept his fast. Alhamdulillah. Semoga menjadi seorang Muslim yang teguh berpegang pada agama dalam keadaan apa sekalipun. Good boy, adik.

I think I’m gonna reward him by slobbering kisses on him when he comes home. Although I know for certain that he will see it more of a torture than a reward, but still. He should learn to bersyukur dengan apa yang ada kan.

Abu Syafiq, you reading this?

Ni ye shi yao kuai kuai de hor. Wo xiang ni.

Monday was fantastic. I really enjoyed the iftar+tasmii’+usrah+tarawih session which was followed by us girls going crazy with our poses. Haha. Merepek, but it was really fun, alhamdulillah:)

Anyway, the topic for our usrah that day was light but I guess will be helpful in starting the pace for the subsequent sessions, insyaAllah. It was on on our Ramadhan resolutions. When Farah came up with the topic when we first discussed about the programme, she was sure of what she wanted. “I resolve to wear more………………”. Ok I don’t want to be shocking you guys with what she said, haha:p but basically she resolves to wear clothings with erm, more coverage -_-”. And she shared how she was talking to Fana and the latter resolved to be more patient and in control of her emotions. When I heard that, I immediately agreed. “I want to be more patient too.” And that was it. Like, not much thought was put into it after that gitula.

And then a conversation changed it all.

“Walaupun kita nak sangat perkara tu, tapi kita dahulukan kehendak Allah dulu dari kehendak diri ni.”

That was a line in the conversation that shook my heart hard. How many times a day do we prioritise what God wants, or what we know God would like us to do as His faithful servants over what WE want?

Personally, sungguh la sedikit.

Sometimes I wish I have a magical calculator or some sort of an account book that would allow me to keep track of these things – have I been accumulating more pahalas or sins? Have I been fulfilling what Allah wants more than I have fulfilled mine?

Sometimes je.

Because, most of the time, I know, I would be thrown into chaos should something like that really exists. I would be afraid of my own shadows, haunting and taunting me.

Teringat lagu time sahur dulu-dulu.

“Tuhanku, aku tidak layak untuk syurgaMu.. Tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung siksa nerakaMu.. Dari itu kurniakanlah keampunan kepada ku ampunkanlah dosa ku.. Sesungguhya Engkaulah pengampun…”

So that’s it. My Ramadhan resolution.. To be someone who tries her mightiest best to prioritise what God wants over her own wants. And hopefully, to be able to be someone who is able to encourage and inspire someone else to be one too. Even if my weak self is not able to do so, at least I do not become a liability for someone who hopes to achieve so for herself. :)

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone:)

Bila keyakinanku datang,

kasih bukan sekadar cinta,

pengorbanan cinta yang agung

ku pertaruhkan..

I have a tutorial tomorrow at 10am in the morning and we’re supposed to have a ’show and tell’ segment. Can you imagine that? A show and tell for a level 3000 sociology module. Cute or what. I’ve never done something like that in my entire life ok. Serious. Serious black punye. HAHAHA. Funny not me? :D

So anw, we have to bring an item to school that sort of, tells stories on who we are, or like, special defining moments in our lives or something. What seh. I can’t think of one. I don’t have a toy or a special item kind of thing. I mean i do have special items that hold special meanings. But.. like, it just doesn’t qualify gitu..

So riigghhht. I was sitting there thinking and thinking of what to bring la. Then this module kan, it’s about life course and we talked about how to do a life satisfactory chart and talked about turning points in life and stuffs like that. So while thinking of what to bring, i was, you know, thinking about the life course and turning points as well.. Hmm:)

I’ve changed from who I used to be. Definitely. I mean, of course there are aspects of me which are still as irritating as ever, but, there are really changes that I myself have noticed.

I used to always be in a rush for everything. When i walk, especially to school, i take loonng strides. Like really long strides. When i had to go to the interchange to get some things, i’ll be back in a jiffy and sometimes I chase after bus even if  kalau u think about it again, wahh like cannot make it one actually. So that’s why i usually end up coming home with like my body sweating and me panting.  

But now. Not that I don’t rush anymore la. I still do. Old habits die hard they say, huhu. But I think I can now not rush? Like can slow down and smell the roses kinda thanggg. you know what i’m saying? *main2 kening*

There was this instance, I was in pink baby and we were on our way to school. Then as we were travelling along the highway, I noticed the beauuutiful clouds. Like soo cantik and magnificent, subhaanallah! Macam so white and vast, and there’s like so many layers of it.. So I was practically squealing to the girls ah.. Like, “ehhh tengookk.. lawaaaaaa”  and one of them went “ah ah eh..” and the whole squealing process repeated like a few times before one of them said “macam biasa je?”. ye ke mcm biasa.. but since then it’s only rarely that i don’t think those clouds look breathtaking.

:)

A friend of mine just told me there was a solat jenazah for a brother who has passed away at 3am in the morning. It was said that he had just finished playing futsal with his friends and later on, he was found dead in the pool. Not sure what exactly happened but it’s chilling isn’t it. you can be all hooray2 and all and the next moment, God says your time is up. Some people say that you’ll be able to know that you’re dying 40 days before the day or something like that. So you can like,  be mentally prepared and repent or something. But really, no one will ever be prepared for death, I think. It seizes you. So 40 days or 40 seconds, death is never to be taken lightly. you have to be prepared for death in every single moment of your life.

God.. I’m thinking about it.. How will I die? In what kind of situation? What will I be doing when malakul maut comes to take me away? Will I be able to bid my goodbyes? Will I be surrounded by my loved ones? Will it be a long-term pain I suffer from or will it be one swift motion that ends it all? And the ting-a-ling question: WHEN will I die?

I sent out an sms to a friend this afternoon. And it was surprising that it didn’t reach to her when I asked her about it at 12 midnight. So I had to explain the whole process again and she asked me things which she did not understand. Then after I’ve finised explaining and we were discussing about other stuffs, suddenly she told me that she has received the sms. I was like, haiyaa merepek la this sms and joked about it getting sesat and all. Biase la, me and my lame nonsense la kan. Then she was like, takpela, it’s better that way because she it is only after my explanations and having her questions answered will she be able to understand the sms.

So, if the sms came to her right after I send it, I will still have to wait for tonight when we get online to be able to explain to her the details. See. Sometimes we really do want to hasten things and we have it all planned.. And we get angry or unhappy if things don’t go as planned. Maybe if we think hard enough, there is a good reason for it, kan? :)

I think wanting to be efficient and prompt and all is still important. But sometimes, it is important to take more pauses, observe longer and breathe deeper. I think, by doing so, I am able to relax my mind and let it look into things from different perspectives.. And realising things that I used to take for granted. It’s refreshing, you know. Suddenly life is so much more meaningful.. you find meanings in life in the littlest of things; in a kid’s eyes and laughter, in an old person’s wrinkled smile, in the magnificent clouds, in the line of ants making their way from one end to another..

Haa. I think I know what to bring for tomorrow’s show and tell already:D But for now, it’s time to shut up and sleep. Heh.

Slow down and smell the roses, will you?

May we all have a blessed, meaningful ramadhan. Baarikillahumma lanaa fii syahri ramadhaan!

Besok. I’m dreading besok. Besok is dreaded. Much much much.

Have u ever been in a situation when u just can’t think? when u totall_ (cannot t_pe out the letter, rmmbr?) space out, staring hard at something in front of u, when actuall_ what u see is nothing?

Have u ever tried holding back ur tears from streaming down and then u just give up because u just can’t do an_thing to stop it from rolling down ur cheeks?

Have u ever been amidst a crowd and _et u feel a deafening silence around u? like u’re all alone in a vacuum, _et u can still see people passing u?

Have u ever felt ur heart so heav_ that u could just stumble forward – face down – and not get up?

Have u ever felt that it’s better that u not wake up tomorrow if it’s arrival is just to make the dreaded moment come true?

Have u ever felt all those things and understood them perfectl_ but people accused u of not being able to understand?

I have.

Wallahi, please make du’a for me. Terima kasih. :)

A few days ago, cekza and I were waiting for the BTC bus at the bus stop. So then it came. We moved forward, getting ready to board the bus. The bus slowed down, but to our surprise, it didn’t stop and just drove off. We tried chasing after it but apparently it didn’t work. One can only imagine the outrage.

“HOOOI. Ape seeh?”

“Ah ah seh! Kite tak tahan eh?”

“Sejak bile BTC kene tahan? Tak pernah tau pun!”

“Ah ah seh. Banyak kali per tak tahan pun dia stop!”

“Aku rase, kite takde the NUS look tak?”

I know it was our fault la largely coz we didn’t flag the bus. We took for granted the fact that the bus would always stop. I guess we were wrong. But something about cekza’s sentence made me ponder over it for a long, long while.

The NUS look.

So what’s the NUS look? We were having our Idols, villains and jesters lecture when the lecturer started asking for our opinions on how his puppet should look like should he want to depict is as an NUS student.

“T-shirt!”

“Bermudas!”

“SLIPPERRRRRRS!”

And we had a good time laughing over it. Coz really, we can all relate to that. Keluar lecture, dalam lecture, masuk lecture, beratur beli juice, beratur kedai makcik, nak submit term paper.. SEMUA LA! Tak habes2 dengan image yang sebegitu. Like totally nak pegi pasar punye look. I’m not saying it’s bad la, just saying je. :D

But then again, it doesn’t really do justice to those who dress differently pulak la kan? Let me ask again, so what IS the NUS look? Oh, says another lecturer. It depends on which faculty you come from you see.

No kidding.

Go to ARTS and you see girls dolling themselves up to the max. Super short dresses that would qualify as blouses, make up all set to last till next week, long flowy hair like they’re some Korean superstars. So glamorous! Phee-wit!

Go to Science? Haha. you’ll see trek pants and backpacks everywhere. ‘Nuff said.

I’m sure by now I will have people violently protesting to these images kan? It’s like, eee-yeeeaaaaaaah, that’s kinda true, BUT what about the chio science girls?? The nerdy arts students??

And girls who dress like they’re from some kampung or orthodox pesantren? (sometimes quoting yourself is the best example, ya).

NOT ALL OF US DRESS IN A STEREOTyPICAL MANNER OK HANNAH.

Ok. I hear you. LOUD AND CLEAR. :p

It’s interesting isn’t it, how people associate certain looks with a certain personality, or a certain instituition even kan. I’ve had people asking me which madrasah was I from and they would go: “Oh yeaah u have the maarif look.”

What? I was in Maarif for 10years and I didn’t know maarif has a ‘look’. And if my close friends are whom I were to look for in looking for this ‘look’ (no puns intended), then it’s one helicopter mixture of a very confusing ‘look’ lah oh my God.

And of couse, of course. I am also one of those who form my initial impressions on people based on their looks. A LOT. hihi. One look (or, erm, sniff), and I’ll go “ni mesti bukan cine sini”. See. Judgemental much.

Buuuuuuuut korang paham kan kenapa?

A first look at that guy I saw in school and I went “oh ni mesti the baik2 type…..”

Until I had the 6th careful and deliberated look and saw something else. *main2 kening*

Saw a girl who gave me the impression that she belongs to those people who think  highly of themselves, but always so lowly of others. And now she’s a good friend of mine. (please sense the repentance. And no, no way I’m gonna tell u the identity.)

So there. Two miserably failed attempts in assessing someone’s goodness based on his/her looks.

But I’ve also seen another guy. First look, “wah. ni rili2 seem like the baik2 type.”

4th look nampak kat masjid.

5th look nampak kat masjid.

6th look nampak kat luar masjid.

So kire, insyaAllah betul la tu.:p (K ni ugut sampai mati pun tak gune. I dun have a clue who this person is. Seriously).

Biba, cekza and I were practising some nomadic mugging at Singapore’s very own CHANGI AIRPORT (Ridiculously crowded la the place.) And we were walking across the like, I dunoe what area lah, yg where you’re supposed to check in your luggages and stuffs right? Ah situ la. Then right, there was a whole group of I supposed Bangladeshi workers. And guess whom we saw terselt among them? 3 policemen. Standing guard. Fierce seh. And the 3 policemen pun, 2 of them were Indians and one of them was a Malay. If I were to strip the 2 Indian policemen of their uniforms (sounds very wrong but U GET WHAT I MEAN LA), pakai kan dia baju like one of those workers, they would blend in perfectly. Just like if I were to do that to some successful, atas Indian businessman here in Singapore.

Definitely reminded me of Skolnick’s “symbolic assailant”. Basically it’s about doubting or like, perceiving someone as a potential criminal solely based on his looks. This is especially an issue when it comes to policemen patrolling the streets and choosing whom to stop and ask that kinda thing. My lecturer shared his funny (and cheeky!) experience with us.

He was walking home alone from work at night. He had just finished conducting a training session for the police force (the irony) and was dressing casually. He spotted a police car patrol across the road which was slowing down as if to observe him. And u know what he did? He turned to look at them, and then just as swiftly, looked away before quickening his pace. Lol. The car did a u-turn and soon they caught up with him and slowed down. They wind down the window and asked him to stop.

“Where are you going?”

(not making any eye contacts) “There” (pointed to his flat).

“Really? What are you going to do there?”

“Going home (still not looking at them)”

“Where’s your work permit?”

“I don’t have one” Because I have an IC LA!

And the whole of LT9 was roaring in laughter.

“If daily consumption is routine consumption, then peak consumption is characterized by  de-routinization….

For consumption to be a peak experience, either the object of consumption or the mode of consumption are new or scarce in daily reality….

Peak consumption is about the romanticization and enjoyment of life.”

- Ning Wang, 2002, The Tourist as Peak Consumer.

I wonder, does this apply to humans too? Then how is one supposed to de-routinize oneself?

Psst. I find this brilliantly depressing.

There you have it! My love-hate relationship with sociology. Chapter 1. Hurhur.

You know, I was talking to my friend the other day. I was just relating how marriage is so scary nowadays. Mana-mana we hear of stories of cheating spouses. And also how love is all based on superficial factors. It’s just very scary ah seriously. So my friend was saying, apa nak takut, if we are good spouses ourselves, then we will be able to get good spouses mah.

Yes, that’s true. But..

What if, God wants to test this good person through his marriage? Say, he is a good husband and a fillial servant of Allah, but his wife cheats on him. Bukan takde sejarah pun. Tengok je kisah Nabi Luuth, Nabi Nuh.. They all had wives who were the complete opposite of them.

So, how, I ask you? Scary right? Tsk tsk.

A pretty, pretty friend of mine who was recently engaged, once told me of her mother’s advice. It was something like,

You must be good to your mother-in-law. Because you see, the love of a husband for wife can be temporaral. So to make it last, you must tie it to something more lasting, which is the love of a son for his mother. If you’re good to his mother, you’ll make him very happy and he’ll end up loving you more.

If I’m not mistaken, gitu ah argument dia. Sorry ye kalau salah tapi macam betul ah. Heh.

But yes, makes sense, doesn’t it? A loving mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Gi dengar syarahan same2, shopping same2.. Bring it on. *main2 kening*

There was another friend who argued differently. He said, the only way to have a lasting marriage is to base the love for something ETERNAL. Which is, sebagaimana yang kite semua tau, GOD la. So he was saying, if he’s going to married, he will make sure that the reason he gets married is for God and God alone. Baru boleh cakap “Ana uhibbuki fillah” (I love you for the sake of Allah).

Nice. BUT..

When he said that, several things crossed my mind. Firstly, if the marriage is strictly for God, then, when do I as an individual comes in? I mean, kalau macam tu, any fatimah aminah or zainab can be the wife lah. Then what’s so special about me then? Then, if you follow this line of argument, you normally would say that when one marries someone for God, it kinda mean that you’re marrying the person for her religiosity. Ok, that’s nice la, but then surely I am not the most religious of all women. So what happens when there’s someone more religious than I am? Jeng jeng jeng. *kerut2 kening*

Secondly (and I am asking this with utmost sincerity and not a tinge of sarcasm hokey), HOW do you love someone STRICTLY for Allah? Like, really, HOW? Even when you love Rasulullah, it’s because of the stories we heard about him kan. Perjuangannya, kepimpinannya, his greatness as a family man.. You know what I mean? Jadi macam mana? I mean, even if you love someone for his religiosity, other factors will also come in ape. Like, for example.

“oh he’s so religious and very caring towards his ikhwah”

“oh he’s so religious and he has a certain charm when conveying his da’wah”

“oh he’s so religious and he is a good son“

You get what I mean taak. Haih.

Ok, some people might argue that loving someone for Allah is like the love a Muslim has for his brother. Like, how, say, somehow we have this strong feeling towards our ikhwah in palestine ke kan? Ok, maybe that, but to make someone your LIFE PARTNER? Is that ALL?

Do share with me if any of you guys have figured out, what’s loving for Allah is like, exactly. Boleh ehk? ;)

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

So, while we’re on the topic kan. I just want to share with you guys this very interesting book (which I shouldve done so waay back ah. But remember my MIA period from the blog? Ah, that’s why. Heh). So basically, this book is like a guidebook to a happy marriage like that la. But wait, before you dismiss this off as yet another typical, boring panduan perkahwinan.. I must say that I had the same preconception as well.. BEFORE reading the book, that is. I mean, ok, I admit, I ACTUALLY LIKE to read those boring panduans ok. Sampai da macam, able to predict the contents of a book before reading it. Sebab basically, macam same ah. But when I read this, I thought the author had lots of original ideas. And the stories yang she selitkan in between, I don’t know eh, I just find them enlightening, really:)

One of the most touching parts of the book kan, is this love letter written by a husband to his wife. Like, the wife did some mistakes ah, was negligent or something, and instead of scolding her or buat perangai, he WROTE HER A LOVE LETTER INSTEAD. How sweet kan! Here’s an excerpt of it:

“Isteriku yang tercinta, aku tidak menulis surat ini kecuali kerana aku menyintaimu. Engkau telah rela menjadikan ku sebagai suami dan aku telah menghibahkan (menghadiahkan) hidupku untukmu. Aku mengatakan kepada diriku, inilah seorang ibu dan isteri, inilah kasih sayang dan ketenangan, inilah hembusan angin Syurga yang ada di rumah ku, maka aku mengajak mu dan kita sama-sama menaiki perahu yang menuju ke pelabuhan bahagia di sisi Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih. Tetapi, tiba-tiba aku mendapatkan badai di jalan yang kita lalui dan angin yang berhembus. Jika kita berdua tidak berhati-hati, maka kita akan kehilangan kendali perahu dan kehilangan arah. Aku mengatakan kepada diriku sendiri, “Tidak! Aku tidak akan meninggalkan perahu tenggelam, maka aku ambil pena dan kertas, dan aku tulis surat teguran. Teguran dari seorang kekasih kepada kekasihnya….”.

Amacam! Nice kan? *main2 kening dengan kuat sekali* That’s why this book is different. Besides the numerous advices and tips on how to handle different scenarios, these kind of things are included as well. And I like how the author included little, little details that we tend to overlook and take for granted. :)

So really, other than the language used (tah sape tah pengalih bahasa dia.), the content is highly recommendable. Bab bahasa tu, sudahlah, marilah kita saling memaafi( HAHA:p). Yang penting tu CONTENT nya ye CONTENT nye. :p

So to those yang belum kahwin tapi nak kahwin, or yang kenal orang2 yang nak dekat kahwin or dah kahwin, sile lah.. Do visit the muslim bookstores and look for this book. Belek2 sket, and then decide on it. InsyaAllah tak rugi ;)

So it’s priced at $15, and besides getting it from Darul Andalus, Muslimedia and other bookstores, you can also get this book (and other books from the same company) at http://www.alfawzaan.com/.

Sokonglah industri buku-buku agama tempatan :p

See la. Bile tak blog senyap sampai 80 hari (or so a certain someone claimed). Da start blog, berturut2 plak. hurhur.

So anyway, I just want to share something. I think, just like anyone else who have yet to perform the hajj, I’ve always prayed that I will be able to do so before I pass away. And during ramadhan, i have this habit of going on youtube and look for the melodious recitations of the surahs and qunut during tarawih prayers by the imams. And of course, personal favs are imam mishary, imam ghamidi and imam sudais. Just listening to them can make you weep. Ape lagi if you pray belakang dorang, dalam bulan ramadhan, in MASJIDIL HARAAM, performing pilgrimage.. Labbaikallahumma labbaik!

I remembered going to tarawih with cekza at masjid kassim. Right after we went to darul ma’wa children’s home for the tongues and heart programme. The imam for that day was ust hafiizh rapiiee. And he was reading surah arrahmaan, and the way he read it mcm imam mishary. Then he read the qunut. The qunut he was reciting was quite different from the ones I normally dengar from the local imams. Meaning power punye. Ape lagi, it got me and cekza weeping teresak2. Tu baru ust hafiizh.. So I kept telling myself, satu hari, i really really really really wanna pray blakang imam sudais in masjidil haraam.. :)

You know, I had the weirdest dream quite some time ago. I was sitting in this room, and there was this doctor breaking this horrifying piece news of me. Wanna know what she said? She said:

“You have only 3 months to live.”

I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to react. I was expecting myself to cry and wail or whatever, but I just didn’t. I just sat there, looked down, and suddenly I was having this monologue with myself..

“Hannah, takmu sedih. Kan you’ve already prayed to God, that your life won’t be taken away from you unless you’re ready for it? Just concentrate on being the best muslimah you can, and leave the rest to Allah…

You are ready, insyaAllah.”

Yeah right la. Sheesh. I bet I if that really happens.. Na’uzubillah, but.. At least mesti nangis punye ahh. Confirmed.

After that weird dream, something happened that made me think about the weird dream.  Weird I tell you. Tsk tsk. Takpelah, doakan ye semua:D

Anyway, then I had another weird dream. I was suddenly in front of MASJIDIL HARAAM! Betuuul. I was with my mum and this other person. And my mum and I were like tak sabar to masuk masjid la, when this person was like all, “aiya, let’s go home la..” I got so pissed off and chided him “Look at you! You’re right in front of masjidil haraam and you want to go home when other people can’t wait to get in?? What’s the mater with you?? What happened to your faith?? (yucks seh nak marah orang macam tu. hurhur)” So then he was like, ok ok. Come let’s go in together, and he started to chant kalimatuttauhiid over and over again.

Weird rigght.

Then ok, da masuk masjid, then my mum and I macam masuk this room. It’s super small la, like some local masjid punye ruang solat wanita. Ade curtains. And the funny thing was, the room was like, half-full with budak2 madrasah. Some were in their uniforms. And they were making a din. Macam kecoh2. I got so pissed off (again! haish) and approached them. “Eh, korang kat MASJIDIL HARAAM TAU. yang korang kecoh2 ni kenapa?” “dia ah ni merepek blablabla”. then i cudn’t be bothered coz the imam was about to start praying. so i went to the saff paling depan and stood beside my mum.

“Allaaahu akbar.”

!!!! Is that imam Sudais i’m listening to?? Then it started to sink in.. Is my dream coming true now?? Then suddenly I was like, eehhh lepas ni boleh pegi Madinah! Then suddenly, so suddenly, there was this very very strange feeling.. and i started crying uncontrollably..

I was suddenly missing Rasulullah saw. And MISSING is an understatement ah. Not that I’ve never missed him before, but this time around, it was very very different. Macam it realy felt like I’ve known him for a long long time, and I haven’t been meeting him.. You know.. that kind of feeling. It’s amazing I tell you. I swear it was the strangest but in a good way feeling I’ve ever felt in a dream.

And I can actually recall the feeling. Rindu sangat sangat sangat sangat. Ya Rasulallah, khuz biaidiina!:’(

Then just now. I was teaching at alkaff kan.. Then ade solat jenazah. In my 21 years of living, that was the first time ever I tengok how solat jenazah was being done ok. It was very.. I dunoe eh.. I stopped teaching for awhile, and my girls and I were just looking down at them praying. Seriously, it felt so.. Tak tau ape nak cakap. :)

I know this is yucky, but KALAU LA, betul, I were to die soon.. I just wanna apologise for all my wrongdoings. Halalkan eh kalau ade terhutang piutang sume. hihi. Do’akan hannah selalu ok? :)

Uhibbukum fillaah. :)

Mungkin, memang ade sebabnye awak risaukan kite. :)

Just wondering out loud,

Umm Sofiyyah.

4:14pm.

Haaaaaai! I know, I know. I thought I wouldn’t be posting anything else too. Hehe! But I guess I’ve yet to have the courage to abandon this blog totally. Nyehnyeh.

Last week was totally yucky. I had 3 deadlines in one week! Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Can you imagine that?? That’s the yuckiest string of deadlines throughout my semesters in sch. Haiseh. But hamdan lillah, everything is now over. Two more deadlines to meet, yep! But not as crazy as last week definitely. Phew~

Allow me to just share my term paper topics ok. The one due on Monday was my sociology of deviance paper. Guess what did we do on? Guess lah.. Haha. We did on NIQAB! Tau niqab? Yang tutup muke tu.. As many of my friends would say: “Macam ninja!”. So what we were doing was basically trying to establish that niqab is seen as a deviant act in Singapore, and we tried to further contextualise the issue by relating it to the multicultural ideology as elaborated by Geoffrey Benjamin (1975). The idea was suggested by the tutor for our module. He’s just so smart seriously. Too smart sampai after our consultation, my partner and I were LITERALLY having headaches! No kidding!  Never knew that thinking so hard can cause headaches ok! Luckily a hero came to rescue. Who else but your friendly neighbourhood, dean’s list sociology major, on his way to 1st class hons hero! No points for guessing. ;) So yep! Really hoping to get a good grade for this paper. InsyaAllah, biizinillah. :)

The Wednesday paper was my social theory paper. That is by far, the yuckiest module I’ve taken. Kalau tak compulsory, memang I would not have even considered taking it. Argh. Guess what I did on. The concept of ‘anomie’ but NOT as defined by Durkheim! I did the one defined by Robert Merton. I think I’ve been greatly brainwashed by my sociology of deviance lecturer. hihi. And I totally did asal boleh. It’s crappy, and I’m just praying that I’ll be able to get at least a pretty decent grade. Haih~

And and, the Friday paper was my sociology of tourism paper. It’s weird la this module, in the sense that it is different from the normal soci modules I’ve taken. It’s very anthro. It was done by the 3 of us. I think this is the first time I’m doing a paper with 2 people whom I’ve never known before. The first I did that was for my social psychology paper.. But at least my friend was with me. It’s an interesting experience, I must say. Ha ha. So we tried looking into the idea of the perfect holiday for the Singaporean Tourist, and we basically used Eugenia Peck’s thesis as a framework while adding new categories and proposals in our paper. Hope this goes well too. Hurhur.

And my essay due this coming Thursday, is for my Southeast Asian module: Idols, villains and jesters. And guess what, I haven’t even chosen a topic for it. *wails* But I’m considering on either the Arqam movement or on Malay shamans and black magic. Argh I can’t decide, and I’m too lazy to decide today. Pemalas na’uzubillah, as my mum would say. Hihi.

Why on earth am I rattling on about my term papers? Sorry ah, I suddenly feel like it. Hurhur.

Then, in the midst of my suffering in writing up term papers, I was reminded of a particular incident which happened during one of Madrasah Graduates’ Network event. (What is MGN? aha, I’ll tell you next time, insyaAllah. betol. serious la. jangan ketawa. tsk.) I invited my friend over to give a talk on Universiti Malaya since she’s doing her BA there. So then she came with two other pple, and one of them was our classmate. So then they were sitting down, and I approached them. An interesting conversation took place:

A: “Hannah.. kau da besar.”

Me: “Ah?? Aku da gemuk?? *muke cemas*”

N: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A: “No no. I mean you’ve grown without me”

Me: “SIDEWAYS YOU MEAN? OH NOOO *looks at self*”

N: HAHAHAHAHAAH! A, I think you need to tarik balek ape yang kau cakap tadi. She’s still like how she was!”

Nyehnyeh. Ah the good old days. We all used to be close. And A, being one or two years older and us, and being blessed with a very sisterly-like personality (or motherly. hehe!) would always ‘take care’ of us. I’m missing those days :)

So back to what she said, I don’t know what could’ve triggered her to make such comment.. How have I ‘grown up’? But come to think of it, after some reflections, I think I have. I have come to change some of my perspectives, and I think, I will now react differently to certain situations as compared to how I would in the past. What have changed me? Lots and lots of things, I must say. But I hope it’s for the better. I pray that it is. And please, do pray for me too ya?

Just wondering out loud,

Umm Sofiyyah.

4th April 2009

7:40 pm

Yess. I know I know I know. But I’m sure my silence did bring joy to many jugak. Haha.

Ok anyway, I have been super duper busy.  Betul ah tak bedek. SUPER THICK readings aside (I MEAN IT TAAU), I have been (probably unnecessarily) adding things on my super tiny plate. Macam boleh handle only kan. I dunoe la. But do make prayers for me ya.

So what else have I been busy with? Panjang nak story. Maybe I can post up some pictures though. *Grins*

They are simply some of the most amaaaaazing people I’ve ever met in my entire life. No kidding here. May Allah bless them all. Ameen ameen ameen. (http://apexmentors.wordpress.com)

Credits to the lovely lovely syamid for the lovely lovely logo. Yay for syamid!! And I sure hope this will take off soon! Ameeeeen!

Level 2 Module 1 (Habluminannaas)

This just shouts out : HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELPPP!!! Imagine me teaching these things (and more of such things ok) to a bunch of 15-16 year olds (sungguh tak layak rase diri ini. tsk tsk) Some with much angst and erm.. I dunoe la.. Laa haula wa laa quwwata illaa billahil ‘aliyyil azhiim! Doakan k k k.

 ..and last but not least… this!

hahaha. k i noe. ni bedek. heheh. btw abu syafiq, if you’re reading this, i super love the camera! mmmmuah! miss you:) 

So yes, basically I’ve been busy with these stuffs and more. I have a few things to post though. Beautiful, enlightening lessons I’ve been given the opportunity to learn from. Subhaanallah. Hamdan lillah. But maybe not today. Maybe later. Mabe next week. Maybe next month. Lol. Till then, ilalliqa’ beautiful people. :)

I remembered going for one of my tutorial classes. I couldn’t remember the topic we were discussing on, but somehow my tutor related to two particular incidents.

There was once an undergraduate, a scholar I think, who was on an exchange programme. And she died because of some  asthma attack or something like that. Her death was on the news, and people were like mourning her death and things like that. It was a big deal.

Not that it shouldn’t have been. But.

There was once an undergraduate. A NORMAL undergraduate. She met with a fatal accident and it was described as a gory one. My tutor even said that, the traffic lights near the junction were not there before the accident. 

But her death was not as ‘big’ as the scholar’s who died on an exchange programme.

“It’s sad isn’t it? Even the value of your life depends on the kind of education you go through, the kind of social status you have, the kind of country you live in..”

I won’t be surprised if the death of ONE ‘young, talented and full of potential lawyer’ was grieved more miserably by a total stranger than the death of 436 people (and still counting). Because that one person was a an innocent victiom of terror, a person who was full of life and potential. The 436 people are instead, people who are doomed to die anyway. Their fault lah. Siapa suruh diberanakkan di tempat yang macam tu, ye tak? Oh yes, and should I add? They are but unfortunate ‘collateral damages’ in an act of defense, in a war against the raging and dangerous terror. Their deaths are unfortunate, but still justified anyway. Ye tak?

http://walid-jumblatt.blogspot.com/2008/12/terrorism-after-singapores-first-victim.html

It’s really sickening to see the kind of double stand system the world operates on. And yet you hear fights for justice and equality from the very people who violate them outright.  Absolutr hypocrisy. I agree with a friend of mine. Sometimes, I do feel like retreating  into a cave and just hide myself from the harsh world outside. Ignorance is bliss at times. At desperate times.

4. Verily, We created man of the best stature (mould),

5. Then We reduced him to the lowest of the low.

(Surah At-Tiin).

The lowest of the low, after being the best of the best.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. Marah. Saya sedang marah. Marah marah marah! Ade ke patot! TAK PATOT! MEMANG TAK PATOT!!

*breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees*

I don’t get it. Ok I do, but it’s still hard to digest. Why is PHYSICAL APPEARANCE so very important? Why is it always used as a yardstick in judging people, TIME AND AGAIN?

I know physical appearance is important la. It IS to me too. Like most girls (and women), I fuss over my looks too. I am terrified of gaining weight (although now I feel like getting more and more nonchalant over it- there are MORE important things to fuss about – sour grapes ah tu hannah. hahaha), and I have proclaimed to most of those close to me that I am in love with Arman from the Hikmah series (Gunawan) because of his oh-s0-macho look which was oozing with charisma. Dah lah romantic, caring, penyabar, ada leadership qualities.. Haihh~

Ohhhh. I’ve digressed. Sorry about that. It always happens when Arman is the topic. HEH.

Anyway, yes. My point is, physical appearance is indeed a factor to consider in many cases, even in marriages.

“Dinikahi wanita itu kerana 4 perkara ini…kerana kekayaannya, kerana kedudukannya, kerana kecantikannya dan kerana agamanya.. maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”

(Riwayat Bukhari dan Muslim)

Yes. Even the Prophet has acknowledged that fact. And in a separate hadith, a sahabat was asked to look at his future wife first before proceeding to marry her. Yes, yes yes. It is a human nature to like things pretty and beautiful. I remembered when I was younger, I tended to gravitate towards the ’aunties’ and ‘uncles’ whom I think are better-looking. Seriously. Tu kecik2 tau. Belum tau apape lagi. So yes, it is a natural inclination to be inclined to beauty, I guess.  But the question is, to what extent should it be a determining factor in say, marriages??

Say someone is already very keen in settling down. He kept ‘merisiking’ one girl after another. Unfortunately he was rejected time and again. Someone took pity on him and reccommended someone else. He rejected her flatly because he thinks that she is “not that pretty”. And mind you, SHE’S NOT EVEN ‘UGLY’, FAT OR ANYTHING! She’s sweet jugak ah even!

Isn’t it funny? He kept trying his luck with one girl after another, continuously being rejected but still very adamant not to accept anyone less ‘prettier’ than the girls he had approached. Youch!

&& the ‘cute’ thing is, he’s not even good-looking himself! He’s far from a svelte figure, not really dashing, lacking of charisma.. If you wanna talk about looks strictly la kan.. He’s lacking in it too!

Scenario di atas adalah rekaan. :|

I am not saying that one should totally ignore the physical aspect.. I mean, I myself do have that as a consideration as well la kan. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. I was feeling guilty because among the list of criterias I am looking for a soulmate ade jugak la kan yang “sedap mata memandang”. I was asking her, am I being superficial in my judgement? Should I totaly strike that off my list? Should I totally not care even if he is not “sedap mata memandang”? She gave me an answer which I think made sense..

“Mak kite cakap kan wak, it’s ok to choose someone with his looks as a factor. Sebab kan, this is the guy you will face everyday, the one you wake up to next in bed everyay.. So you do have the right.”

Betul. Betul ah. Memang betul. Tapi what is “sedap mata memandang” can have the widest range ever imagined! Ade orang yang asal ade dua mata, hidung and mulut tu kire ok la. Ade nak kena macam Angelina Jolie baruuuu la “sedap mata memandang”.

Entah lah. I know this is up to the individuals’ choices and preferencs. But I think sometimes we forget. Looks and physical appearances are not within the individual’s locus of control.. Not everyone has the genes. If given a choice, everyone will want to be gorgeous and perfect. But they can’t. And I sometimes think we are too punishing in this area, padahal it is not even their fault.

Haih.

For example, we know of someone who is attractive physically but ends up marrying someone who is less attractive.

“Ee tak kene seh.”

“De kan handsome. Asal amek si dekni plak.”

“Tak sajak betul.”

And we’ll try very very hard to fathom why the person ends up choosing her, especially if the calon before was a prettier woman.

“Da baik2 dengan yang lawa tu tak jadi plak. Tu lagi kene seh.”

See what I mean???????

Urghh.

We forget that there are other MORE IMMEDIATE AND IMPORTANT factors to be considered.

“…maka pilihlah kerana agamanya kerana akan beruntunglah kedua- dua tanganmu…”

And we forget that in Allah’s eyes, it’s not the wealth nor the looks that matter. It’s the taqwa, the deeds that are ultimately being weighed on the miizaan.

I always forget. How forgetful.

:(

Dah lah. I am crapping again. I leave you with this cute video clip ok? Mesti dah penah tgk tapi takpe. tengok je. Byebye.

Yang mencintai aku.. apa adanya..

So the results will be out tomorrow. 11am, to be exact. I am terrified now, my feet are starting to get cold (they always do, but this time I know why. heh), I am beginning to feel sick in the stomach and I forget to breathe more often. Arghh.

Ni baru dapat results kat dunia. Kalau dapat ‘results’ kat akhirat macam mana ehk?

When the first man to the last man await for their deeds to be weighed on the miizaan..

1. On that, day people will return towards their Lord being in different ways, so that they may he shown their deeds.

2. Then whosoever has done good of an weight of an atom shall see it.

3. And whosoever has done evil of an weight of an atom shall see it.

Yet,

Then Adam received from his Lord Words . And his Lord pardoned him (accepted his repentance). Verily, He is the One Who forgives (accepts repentance), the Most Merciful. (2:37)

And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49:12)

How Merciful Allah is. All I need is tawbah, tawbatan nasuuha, and I’ll be forgiven for my sins which otherwise will likely cause me to burn in hell. And yet I still enjoy committing sins more than anything else. Shame on me, shame on me.

Oh. I’ve almost clean forgotten. Tomorrow is also the day I will get to know of another result, more terrifying than my exam results.

Laa yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus’aha; Allah does not oblige a soul save to the extent of its capacity..

But it’s ok to still be scared right? Because I am.

So in times like this, I miss my safety blanket. I really, really do.

I know, I know. I have not been updating kan. Suddenly I don’t feel like blogging pulak (I can already hear some people chuckling :p). 

Anyway, several people have approached me and expressed their concerns over my previous post. Jazaakumullahu khairal jazaa’:) I am ok now, really. Thank you all for the well-wishes and concern :)

No one is ever free from problems. And time after time, we’re faced with trials and tribulations that shake us so. But we have to remember that no problem is without a solution, or a solution that is not within our reach. Because if it is a problem that we are not able to solve, then it would not have been our problem in the first place. Laa yukallifullaahu nafsan illaa wus’ahaa, remember?:)

One of the best ways, in my opinion, to help myself regain the strength after I’ve fallen is to look at those who are suffering. For example, people yang tengah living in poverty, hari2 rumah kene destroy, family members dying off one by one, daughters and wives kene raped day after day.. 

My problems are of course still problems. There’s no way I can deny their painful effects on me. But upon comparing those problems to those who were in the situations I have mentioned earlier, macam rasa malu sendiri. Dah terlalu banyak sangat ni’mah (blessings) from Allah that I’ve received. Although the filthy heart ni always opts to only observe the kekurangan je. Sebab tu macam nampak banyak sangat. Kalau the filthy heart opts to observe the ni’mah instead, it will be humbled, it will cry, it will be ashamed of itself.. because there are just too many ni’mah that the filthy heart has been taking for granted and not the least appreciated.

Walhal selalu dibacanya “FA BI AYYI AALAAI RABBIKUMAA TUKADZZIBAAN?”

Kadang-kadang, I ask myself. Kalau kite sayang orang, we show through our actions and also through our words. Kalau sayang Allah macam mana eh?

Yes, the ‘ibadah, the zikr and everything.. Tapi boleh tak juga cakap,

“Ana uhibbuka, yaa Arhamarraahimiin”.

He is, the Greatest Lover of all. Boleh tk eh?

:)

*******************************************************************************************************

Just to brighten things up, let me share something funny with you all k?

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She has never seen death happening right before her eyes, and she has never had to bear the loss of someone very dear to her by death. No, she has not. Her dear teacher passed away when she was in primary 5. She cried, but her teacher was but a teacher. Her maternal grandfather died, but she was distant from him – she would only see him twice a year. And she missed the opportunity to kiss his forehead and saw him lying there while everyone was surrounding him in that solemn, depressed atmosphere due to a painful miscommunication. So yes, death feels all too distant for her.

But death has a way to occassionally come and greet her in its own teasing ways. She used to hate it a lot, and would just forcefully push it to the other end of her untouched collection of thoughts. But she’s all grown up now, and she knows better than to resort to such childish antics of hers. But come to think of it, she does not really do much now either. She just resorts to crying under the covers and occassionally bury her face underneath her pillow to ensure that not even a whimp can be heard. Then, she’ll wipe away her tears, sit up straight and wait for ten minutes or so before she’s ready to face anyone. She does not want to let anyone knows she has been crying. Her eyes, nose and cheeks will be all red, you see.

She knows death is real, as real as her existence is. No no. What is she saying? Death is far more real than that. Death is.. death. And whether she likes it or not, death will come to her. Either claiming the lives of those dear to her, or of course, that of her very own.

She has often heard of the saying, Islam is not just for you yourself, Islam is for those around you too. She couldn’t comprehend it then; not that she is able to comprehend it now, but at least, she thinks she has understood something out of it. Islam is not just about personal salvation, but something which extends far beyond that. Islam is about saving oneself, yes. But it is also about putting in the effort of saving those around you too. One cannot just perform all the rituals, concentrate on being the best servant of Allah, and totally ignores about whether or not the person who is just an arm strech away has even performed his zuhur prayers. No, one has to perform all the rituals and concentrate on being the best servant of Allah AND to try hard to ensure that others around her do just the same, to the best of her limited abilities. Afterall,

“You cannot guide the ones you love. GOD is the only One who guides in accordance with His will, and in accordance with His knowledge of those who deserve the guidance.” (28:56).

‘And every nation has its appointed term; when their term is reached, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment).” (7:34)

Just like how every man has his fixed appoinment with the Angel of Death. Not a second later, not a second sooner.

Now, now. What has she done to prepare herself for this fixed, yet unknown moment, she thought to herself? What has she done to help those dear to her prepare for their moment??

Or is death seemingly very distant still?

Some people said that you can feel it when your time is near. She does not know about that, but one thing’s for sure, she might be known as the reigning Queen of Last Minute (always preparing for her assignments and examinations at the last minute), but even she knows that death is not something to prepare at the last minute for!

“Our Lord, we have wronged our souls! And unless You forgive us and have mercy on us, we will be losers.” (7: 23)

So please, she pleads to herself. Please be ready for death. Please be happy should death greets you again and this time, taking you away with it. And the only way to be happy when it happens, is to know that you’re leaving what you have now for something far more better, something eternal, something so wonderful that even the most imaginative of men fails miserably in describing. And please, she pleads again. Please help ensure that those you love are prepared too.

She knows this is a rather incoherent post. She is apologetic about it, but there’s no other way she can put it – the things in her mind now. It’s just, overwhelming. But it is coherent to her nevertheless. See? She’s losing you again. She better ends this.

Ilalliqa’. Salaamullahi ta’aala ‘alaikum.

Ana sayang mama.

I find it disturbing that just the first day into the examination and I have successfully achieved The Haggard look. Burok kan. Oh 2nd Dec, di mana dikau. Come quick please. I miss you like I’ve never missed before. Haha. Nyek ah Hannah.

So my last paper is on Monday at 5pm. My second last paper is on Monday at 9am. Seronoknye.

Anyway guess what people. My MOTHER, is addicted to PSP. Can you believe thaat? It’s my bro’s. He got it coz he did quite well for his PSLE, so dad got him one. But so far, who have I been seeing playing with PSP? More of the mum, definitely. She’s cute, I know. :D

Speaking of PSLE results, so we all know about how the Madrasahs fared (stale news la Hannah. People already moving on to MUMBAI and BANGKOK. But but but I exam mah! *buat muke kesian*).

So am I happy with the results? Yes, I am. Hamdan lillah. Am I contented already? No, but lain syakartum laaziidannakum. So, alhamdulillah. :)

I came across a blog (thanks to syasan aka my asyosye). Macam2 emosi ada bila baca.. It’s not so much on the blogger’s post on the PSLE results, but the comments it drew. Hebat hebat belaka.

Someone said she is “damn sick” of the “lame excuse” used by Madrasah students in order to justify their lack of performance.

Hmmmm.

I guess one needs to be part of the system to know how ‘heavy’ it is. I agree that this should not be the justification to the many failures time and again, and I have seen and experienced for myself how it is indeed possible to still excel in the system. However, I have to bear in mind that not everyone has the same privileges and opportunities to excel as how some of us did. I am NOT talking about intellectual or mental capabilities (in this case baru nak mengaku diri as a soci student. haha), but just the different range in cultural capital, ability to integrate into the school culture and so on. So to deny that the combination academic + ukhrawi subjects as being very ‘heavy’ is unfair, because I don’t just speak for myself.. I have to consider the others too.

It is for a fact that due to the extra number of subjects, the time spent on one subject is lesser. Speaking of PSLE level je, how many subjects does a national school student studies, and is being tested on? Compared to a Madrasah student, I can confidently say that in general the Madrasah students memang lagi banyak lah kan..

There also seems to be an understanding that Madrasahs do not teach humanities. I do not know of other Madrasahs, but we did history (although sampai sec 2/3 je) in Maarif and we took combined humanities for our O’levels (geography + social studies). And I know that other Madrasahs like Wak Tanjong, Arabiah and Irsyad pun buat Geography jugak..

What about CCAs? During my time, we did have CCAs ah. Like clubs and stuffs. I was in klab bahasa in Maarif and Naadillughoh in MWTI. (Boring seh Hannah. haha!) We have the activities every Saturday but I have to admit that it is not given the same weightage as in the national schools.

But really, I can see that the Madrasahs have been working hard in making improvements and progress in their system. Take Maarif for example, it has been 4-5 years since I left the school and just many many changes have taken place. And I know that the other Madrasahs have been striving to make changes too.

But then again, how big a change can you make with limited funds? I know this is yet another “lame” excuse that people hear of time and again, but hey, that IS another bulk of the problem. And I’ll have to say, whether you like or not; take it or leave it. Yes, probably some of the Madrasahs have not been using their already limited funds as wisely as possible, but lack of funds is seriously still a nagging issue. You need experts in revamping the system, you need to equip the school with adequate facilities, you need to train the teachers, you need to give the students a more holistic education.. YOU NEED FUNDS.

Haih. Honestly, it is very tiring to be speaking of this issue time and again (since I was in, say, sec 3?); especially if one is to take our position in arguments. I am not trying to be all emotional and ask people to stop their criticisms of Madrasahs. By all means, tafaddhal. In fact, some Madrasah students I know are more critical of the system than some of my non-Madrasah friends. But the thing is – I know it sounds cliché – I believe that if one wants to crticise, one should always do so CONSTRUCTIVELY. I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone, but sometimes, you can just sense the hatred that accompanies the comment. Why? No really, why?

Yes. This ‘achievement’ of the Madrasahs might seem kecik and insignifcant and ‘not there yet’ and everything else negative. We all know that. Compared to the NATIONAL standard, we are still lacking behind (although it will be VERY interesting to compare the overall results with MALAY students from the National schools). Yes. I can look you in the eyes and say yes, we still have a long way to go.

But let me kindly remind you that we’ve come a long way from where we were too. From the dumping ground for ‘unsuccessful’ Malay students to where we are now, we’ve made significant and probably even drastic changes. Growing up in a Madrasah, I’ve went through the phases of what I call the different eras of the Madrasahs and how people look at us. It has been a long journey, and I am thanking God for allowing me to grow and learn from this enlightening journey.

Madrasahs need to step up. They cannot afford to let even an ounce of complacency to creep in. Enough with inefficient managements, exploitation of power distribution and whathaveyous. It’s time to be geared up for success.

Yup. Madrasahs should not start “blowing their trumpets” just yet. It is still too soon. But surely, a pat on the back and an encouraging “Congrats, now let’s conquer greater heights already,” will not be too much to ask for?

Have you ever experienced the paradox of wanting something very very verrrrrry much, but yet, you’re not pinning any hopes on it?

Macam nak sangat sangat benda tu, tapi bila fikirkan the practicality of it, patah semua harapan. You start to think of the things you will have to go through in order to achieve that goal. The thing is, it’s not that you’re not willing to go through it, but you simply think there is NO WAY you can do it. No way.

Oh I know the feeling only too well.

It’s impossible, really. That thing I have in mind. Mustahil lah memang. Macam nak suruh matahari terbit dari barat je. *laugh2* *snort2*

Eh?

Noticed something? What did I just say? The sun rising from the WEST? Is it REALLY impossible, umm sofiyyah?

“Tidak akan terjadi kiamat…hingga matahari terbit dari barat. Apabila matahari terbit dari barat, maka berimanlah semua manusia. Maka saat itulah ketika iman seseorang tidak bermanfa’at lagi bagi dirinya yang belum beriman sebelum itu, atau dia (belum) mengusahakan kebaikan dalam masa imannya. (HR. Bukhari 13 : 81-82)”

So saying that it is impossible for matahari untuk terbit dari barat is akin to saying it is impossible for Qiyamah tu happen. Wa na’uuzubillahi min dzaalik.

So my point is? Nothing is impossible if Allah wills it to happen. Mungkin dengan segala kemampuan yang ada pada diri kita now, memang macam impossible. Sebab we do not have the power to change hati manusia, mendekatkan yang jauh, menukar keadaan supaya sesuai dengan kemahuan kita, meninggikan yang rendah dan sebagainya. Tapi Allah kan ada? Nothing is impossible for Allah. And if Allah wants to give it to us, why, who is there to stop Him? Allah says kun, fayakuun. :)

I’m not saying that we should all hope for things which are like super difficult to get all the time. Although you can tell that I disagree with Bordieu’s concept of habitus in that sense. Haha. Ok joking. But what I’m trying to say is, I should not, EVER, EVER, equate MY OWN WEAKNESSES AND LIMITED ABILITIES with that of Allah’s. “Oh this is impossible (Because HANNAH can never make it happen), so it never will happen (even if God wants it to happen?).”

It’s like imposing my own weaknesses on God, don’t you think? Na’uzubillah.

I know sometimes I don’t mean it THAT way when I say it. But I have to bear in mind that I am responsible for what I say. So I won’t want to be saying something which is like, questioning the authority of God even if I totally do not mean it, betul tak? :)

So what am I suggesting? If I have something I really want, but one which I think is impossible to achieve, angkatlah tangan. Angkatlah tangan after every solat and ask it from Allah. Letakkan harapan. Bukan pada the thing I want, but pada Allah. Kalau dapat, I must not forget to thank Allah. Kalau tak dapat, I must not forget to thank Allah too because I know God knows better what is best for me. Lagi pun kan dah do’a “Rabbanaa Aatinaa fiddunyaa hasanah, wa fil aakhirati hasanah, wa qinaa ‘azaabannaar.” So mesti confident yang apa yang we get adalah hasanah (kebaikan) di dunia dan akhirat. (Hmm. I’m starting to sound preachy ek?? Sorry about that. :D)

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So since we’re on the topic of do’a.. I want to share some tips on adab2 do’a. Bear with me ya.

1. Dari Ibn Abbas dia berkata: Pada suatu hari aku berada di belakang Rasulullah, lalu baginda berkata: Wahai anak kecil! Aku ingin mengajarkan kamu satu kalimah (nasihat). Jagalah (perintah dan larangan) Allah, nescaya Allah akan menjaga kamu. Jagalah (perintah dan larangan) Allah, nescaya kamu akan dapati Allah dihadapanmu. Bila kamu memohon, maka mohonlah dari Allah, dan jika kamu meminta pertolongan mintalah dari Allah. Ketahuilah bahawa jika umat ini bersatu untuk memberikan manfaat kepada kamu, maka sesungguhnya mereka tidak dapat berbuat demikian melainkan apa yang telah ditulis oleh Allah kepada kamu. Dan jika mereka berkumpul untuk memudaratkanmu, nescaya mereka tidak dapat berbuat demikian melainkan apa yang telah ditulis oleh Allah ke atas kamu.[1]

I am weird. Really I am. I loveee longans and lychees – the canned ones that is. Yang peliknya, I cannot stand the fresh ones. I hate the smell and I won’t ever touch them. Apa lagi to eat them. I just can’t stand it, and I don’t know why.

I can’t eat bananas too. The fresh ones. Macam boleh muntah kalau paksa. But I love my mum’s jemput2 pisang, I like pengat pisang, and also goreng pisang (or is it pisang goreng?).

Wait. There’s more. I don’t really eat fish. I can eat it, but it really depends on the way it is being cooked and what type of fish it is. Why? I can’t really stand the fishy smell. But get this, I super love tuna. And I won’t eat epok2 unless it’s SARDINES.

Laugh people, laugh.

Now, I think my weirdness has extended to not just food, but also my preference for a soulmate as well. I want him to be jealous. And I know that what constitutes jealousy is subjective, but whatever your standard is, you can be assured that what I mean by jealousy is like SUPER JEALOUS.

Yes, SUPER DUPER JEALOUS. Kalau sampai tahap possessive pun tak ape. HEEH.

Why, you might ask. You see, I am a terribly jealous person as well. I cannot imagine my husband having lunch with a female friend – just the two of them. Or talking on the phone for hours to just talk about, well, nothing but everything.

(:

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“Kalau aku melihat seorang laki-laki bersama isteriku..,” kata Sa’ad bin ‘Ubadah berandai-andai. “Tentu akan ku pukul dengan pedang sehingga ia tak bisa mengeluarkan suara lagi!”

(Brutal nye, some might say. Tapi ape Nabi s.a.w kata?)

Sabdanya: “Apakah kalian heran terhadap perkataan Sa’ad? Demi Allah, aku lebih cemburu daripada dia, DAN ALLAH LEBIH CEMBURU DARIPADAKU!” (Al-Bukhari dan Muslim).

Yeah bebeh. I liiike very. Tapi ade orang kata saya ni gile sikit suke yang macam tu. Orang kata, memanglah perlu ade jealous2 tapi takkan sampai macam tuh. Kalau dorang nak ade dinner berdua-duaan dekat some restaurant pun takpelah. Kan dorang kawan, baru balek dari tempat yang sama. Normal je tu. Apa yang nak dikecohkan sangat. Hmmm. Kalau dia ‘matair’ saya, maybe lah tak jealous sangat. Tapi kalau dialah SUAMI ataupun yang saya yakin jadi BAKAL suami saya.. tanaaaaaaaaaaaak! (so cnnt ah ade matae. jealous sangat. huwahuwahuwa).

KENAPA, UMM SOFIYYAH, KENAPA???

Sebab saya teringat satu hadeeth ni. Saya selalu baca hadeeth tu. Tapi saya tak past kesahihan hadeeth tu. Ape pun, ianya berbunyi lebih kurang begini:

isteri yang menemani suaminya makan, memegang mesra tangannya dan merenung dengan penuh kasih ke matanya..

pastu adelah reward dia. tapi dah tak ingat ape. heh -_-”

Soo.. So I can’t imagine if he eats with another woman, just the two of them, then they talked to each other, occasionally, accidentally holding each other’s gaze.. laughing at each other’s joke.. staying a minute too long after lunch and stuffs.. ehem. There’s a wife for him to tease, to joke with, to hold his gaze and let it linger lovingly. So tak payah buat dekat orang lain k?

And get this, I do not, at all, think it’s ok for a MARRIED MAN to engage in ’naughty’ teasings or just speaking in a FLIRTATIOUS manner, walaupun subtly. REALLY, IT IS NOT NOT OK.

Nabi kata, apa yang ada wanita lain, ada juga pada isterimu.. jadi pulanglah dan dapatkanlah ia.. :) (Of course, we know that obviously women are NOT the same. But think about the psychological side to this.. Hmm)

So men. Nanti dah kahwin don’t whine and go tsk-tsk and keep comparing your wife with other women hokey? :)

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But of course, there are unreasonable reasons to be jealous as well. That I must remind myself to avoide. Say he’s out for a da’wah purpose, or business matters, or just to have a ‘lepak session’ with his guy friends.. Why should I be jealous of that kan? :)

“Sesungguhnya ada di antara cemburu yang disukai Allah, dan ada pula cemburu yang dibenci Allah.” (HR Ahmad, Abu Dawud and An-Nasa’i).

So yes, one should be jealous and all, but one should understand we need not to be together EVERY SINGLE BREATHING MOMENT. We do need our space once a while. Besides, absence makes the heart fonder, they say :)

But really, I think we can all do with a little more jealousy. Understand your rights, understand this EXCLUSIVE right that is for YOU and YOU, as a wife and a husband. That’s why you paid her mahar, that’s why you took the oath from her wali, that’s why you provide her with what she needs and protect her with all your might.. and you, that’s why you agreed to be his lawful wedded wife, that’s why you agreed to be the mother to his children, that’s why you gave him your loyalty. :)

Memang zaman mungkin berubah, dan interaction between a man and a woman semakin lama semakin longgar. Yes, sometimes we need to be understanding and not make things difficult. But selagi mana yang boleh, why not avoide it, betul ke? :)

Some might argue, kalau hidup ni penuh dengan jealousy then that means we will be living without any peace ah. Asal suami jauh je, hati gelisah. Asal isteri jauh je, hati tak tenang. In doubt all the time. Gitu ke?

Entah ye. But to me, terbalik pulak. You see, that’s why I want a jealous husband. Why? Ok. I’m jealous, betul? Jadi I have specific things in mind which I know I do not want him to do with other women. And knowing that HE is jealous as well, so I know what are the things he will not want ME to be doing with another man. Jadi? Jadi it works both ways. You don’t do things which will make me jealous, and I won’t too. And if that’s the case, even when you’re apart, you know your partner akan jaga diri dia baik2. Hati pun jadi tenang. So takde rase gelisah, cume rindu.sayang.rindu.sayang.rindu.sayang. LOL. ok ok you get the drift. :)

So I PERSONALLY think, being jealous, secara halal, can facilitate masing2 untuk menjaga diri LILLAAHI TA’ALA.. and then for each other:)

And of course, it has to be mutual:)

Ingat, Nabi saw said, whatever another woman has, your wife has it too. :) (Ya Rijaal.. Repeat this mantra to self every night ok? Hahahaha.)

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Coz life is not all the time in colours.

But black and white can be pretty cool too:)

I’m super exhausted but I just feel like blogging this.

Thank you for coming all the way to school on a Sunday morning just so I can do what I’m supposed to – and it doesn’t even concern you.

Thank you for letting me sleep a little while more despite the fact that you ended up having to wait for me.

 =)

Because I want to have more MacD’s breakfast with you. (Hopefully they won’t run out of maple syrup again.)

Because I want to take a stroll around the deserted part of campus (only this time, I want it to be a STROLL and not fastened, quick paces in a bid to find a place for us to study and charge our lappies).

Because I want to have longer individual studying sessions (but together) in the comfortable and super silent discussion rooms (we’ll book it again, getting it right the next time around ok?); so you can finally make full use of your sweater, compass and sejadah.

Because I want to sit at the forum with you, overlooking lovers’ park and laugh and laugh at things only you and I know about.

Because I want to have more MacFlurry’s and Chocolate Sundaes with you while again, laughing at things only you and I know about.

Because I want you to have a locker so that I can leave you more notes and chocolates at random times, and maybe even some dead cockroaches.

Because I want to walk down the stairs from Techno Edge when it is pitch dark and we had to slowly make our way down while talking about hantus and cockroaches.

Because I actually enjoyed the long bus ride home after bidding you farewell and immediately receiving an sms from you the moment I alighted from the bus. Yes, you be the PM and do just what you told me you wanted to, ok? ;)

So here’s a post for you. For the times we had tadi, and more to come, insyaAllah :)

Love you. Fillah:)

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I am suddenly reminded of a couple I personally know. They already have a son, and then God gave them a daughter. Unfortunately, the daughter was tested with several physical and internal organ abnormalities that she had to drink milk from a special tube all the time. And she was practically immobile, unable to respond, unable to cry even. Doctors told them from the start, that it’s just a matter of time before she’ll be taken away; there’s just simply no hope for her. But they accepted her, and waited for God to take her away.

And you know what the mother said? “My only wish is for her to be able to call me mother one day.”

But God knows better, and He took her only to place her at a better place soon after. But God let them have her longer than the time the doctors had stipulated.

And guess what, a year later or so, the couple was blessed with another baby. This time a son. Big, beautiful eyes, the loveliest smile, curly hair, and the least troublesome to look after. He certainly brought happiness to the family. A well-deserved happiness. May Allah them bless all. And the baby who was beautiful in her own way.

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Patah tumbuh, hilang berganti.

Yes, don’t lose heart over a loss. Sometimes, God takes it away from you only to give you something better.

But sometimes, there simply isn’t something which is better. So you’ll just have to wait for the day it’ll be yours. Yes.. Wait. :)

Laugh and sing, but while we’re apart
Don’t give your heart to anyone
And don’t forget who’s taking you home
And in whose arms you’re gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me.

The very last dance.. For me.

Takde kene mengene I know. I just like it. Heh.

I’m sorry. It’s that time of the SEMESTER.

xoxo.

When the going gets tough, when you feel your chest heavy with worries and sorrows, your head spinning with unresolved issues.. You know you’re not alone.

And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad saw) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near. I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright. (2:186)

To all those facing some difficulties one way or another, may these beautiful anaasheed provide some solace like it did to me. Tengok tau. Jangan tak tengok :)

Ghurabaa’.. The ’strangers’.. Because strange is good :)

You are never alone by Zain Bikha.. A very soothing and enlightening song, trust me:)

The man blessed with a superb voice.. Mishary Alafasy.. A beautiful nasheed on asmaaul husna sung in a refreshing manner.

Sabr and Shukr by Zain Bikha. Another great song with superb lyrics.. :)

Lailaaha illallaah by Mishariy Alafasy.. Simply wonderful. :)

Ilalliqa’ , insyaAllah:)